1 00:03:52,369 --> 00:03:54,678 l've come back. 2 00:03:58,489 --> 00:04:02,243 Give me a drink, Brother Kipling. 3 00:04:08,569 --> 00:04:11,129 Don't you know me? 4 00:04:11,289 --> 00:04:14,964 No. l don't know you. 5 00:04:16,249 --> 00:04:18,126 Who are you? 6 00:04:19,049 --> 00:04:20,687 What can l do for you? 7 00:04:20,849 --> 00:04:24,478 l told you. Give me a drink. 8 00:04:55,769 --> 00:05:00,968 lt was all settled. Right here, in this office. 9 00:05:02,929 --> 00:05:04,567 Remember? 10 00:05:04,729 --> 00:05:10,406 Danny and me signed the contract and you witnessed it. 11 00:05:10,689 --> 00:05:12,281 You... 12 00:05:14,049 --> 00:05:16,040 ...stood over there. 13 00:05:18,169 --> 00:05:20,125 l stood there. 14 00:05:20,569 --> 00:05:23,288 And Daniel stood here. 15 00:05:24,969 --> 00:05:26,448 Remember? 16 00:05:28,329 --> 00:05:29,842 Carnehan! 17 00:05:32,209 --> 00:05:36,202 Peachy Taliaferro Carnehan. 18 00:05:36,369 --> 00:05:38,246 Of course. 19 00:05:38,449 --> 00:05:43,648 Keep looking at me. lt helps to keep my soul f rom flying off. 20 00:05:43,809 --> 00:05:45,447 Carnehan! 21 00:05:45,609 --> 00:05:48,919 The same, and not the same, who sat beside you... 22 00:05:49,089 --> 00:05:53,207 ...in a first-class carriage on the train to Marwar Junction... 23 00:05:53,409 --> 00:05:57,687 ...three summers and a thousand years ago. 24 00:06:06,329 --> 00:06:08,399 Jodhpur, please. 25 00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:30,202 Blast! 26 00:06:48,729 --> 00:06:50,924 All aboard! 27 00:08:06,809 --> 00:08:08,401 May l? 28 00:08:09,049 --> 00:08:14,760 Riding in this ashcart is like being kicked by a mule every 10 minutes! 29 00:08:38,489 --> 00:08:40,445 Mr. Clutterbury Das. 30 00:08:40,609 --> 00:08:45,160 Failed entrance examination, Calcutta University, 1863. 31 00:08:45,329 --> 00:08:49,163 Writer of correspondence for the illiterate general public. 32 00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:50,557 Shut up! 33 00:08:50,729 --> 00:08:52,367 Thank you, sir. 34 00:09:41,369 --> 00:09:44,839 -Out of the window, Babu! -Thank you, sir. 35 00:09:45,969 --> 00:09:48,688 Outside, you inky-fingered thief! 36 00:09:48,849 --> 00:09:51,807 -l hope you break your neck! -Thank you, sir. 37 00:09:51,969 --> 00:09:55,644 -You might have killed him! -Serves him right if l had! 38 00:09:55,929 --> 00:10:00,127 -We're not making five miles an hour. -But why? 39 00:10:01,729 --> 00:10:06,086 -l caught him stealing your watch. -My watch? 40 00:10:07,089 --> 00:10:09,478 l say, it is my watch! 41 00:10:10,689 --> 00:10:12,247 Well! 42 00:10:14,009 --> 00:10:16,887 l'm very much obliged to you, Mr...? 43 00:10:17,849 --> 00:10:21,888 Carnehan. Former gunnery sergeant in Her Majesty's Forces. 44 00:10:22,049 --> 00:10:23,448 Mine's Kipling. 45 00:10:23,809 --> 00:10:27,438 -May l offer you a drink? -l don't mind if l do. 46 00:10:32,889 --> 00:10:35,722 You've knocked about lndia a bit, l take it. 47 00:10:35,889 --> 00:10:40,280 You can say that twice! On foot, on horseback and on camel. 48 00:10:40,449 --> 00:10:43,805 -You don't look green, either. -l was born in lndia. 49 00:10:43,969 --> 00:10:48,599 Great country, or was till bureaucrats took over and ruined everything. 50 00:10:48,809 --> 00:10:51,277 -l hope you're not one of them! -No. 51 00:10:51,449 --> 00:10:52,677 l didn't think so. 52 00:10:52,849 --> 00:10:56,285 They usually have long noses for looking down at you. 53 00:10:56,449 --> 00:10:59,680 And l've yet to have one of them offer me a drink! 54 00:11:01,169 --> 00:11:04,525 -Glenlivet, 12 years old. -You've an educated taste. 55 00:11:04,689 --> 00:11:08,762 l have an educated taste in whiskey, women, waistcoats and bills of fare. 56 00:11:08,929 --> 00:11:11,523 But l've had few chances to ex ercise it. 57 00:11:11,689 --> 00:11:14,522 Because them that governs make up laws... 58 00:11:14,689 --> 00:11:17,442 ...to stop men like us f rom getting anywhere. 59 00:11:17,609 --> 00:11:20,248 Whose loss is it? England's, of course! 60 00:11:20,409 --> 00:11:24,766 lf we were unrestrained, she wouldn't get 70 millions in revenue... 61 00:11:24,929 --> 00:11:29,320 -...it would be 700 millions! Right? -l quite agree, yes. 62 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:32,726 -Where are you heading for? -Jodhpur. 63 00:11:32,889 --> 00:11:35,926 -Will you return on this line? -ln 10 days. 64 00:11:36,089 --> 00:11:39,479 Can you make it eight? l have a message for a man... 65 00:11:39,649 --> 00:11:42,846 ...travelling through Marwar Junction on the 24th. 66 00:11:43,009 --> 00:11:46,001 He expects to meet but l have urgent business. 67 00:11:46,169 --> 00:11:48,637 l'm sorry, l can't help you there. 68 00:11:48,809 --> 00:11:51,198 Supposing l was to ask you... 69 00:11:51,369 --> 00:11:55,806 ...as a stranger going to the West to seek for that which was lost. 70 00:11:55,969 --> 00:11:58,199 What would you say then? 71 00:11:58,369 --> 00:12:01,042 l should answer, where do you come f rom? 72 00:12:01,209 --> 00:12:02,198 From the East. 73 00:12:02,369 --> 00:12:06,123 l am hoping that you will give my message on the square... 74 00:12:06,289 --> 00:12:08,564 ...for the sake of the widow's son. 75 00:12:09,449 --> 00:12:14,125 -Which lodge do you hail f rom? -Travelling Lodge 3276, Fore and Fit. 76 00:12:14,289 --> 00:12:18,760 The Queen's Own Royal Loyal Light lnfantry, Regimental District 329A. 77 00:12:19,249 --> 00:12:21,809 -To whom is the message? -Daniel Dravot. 78 00:12:21,969 --> 00:12:25,041 -Dravot. -A big man with long gray sideboards. 79 00:12:25,209 --> 00:12:26,244 A great swell. 80 00:12:26,409 --> 00:12:29,799 You'll find him in a first-class compartment. 81 00:12:29,969 --> 00:12:31,118 Don't be af raid. 82 00:12:31,289 --> 00:12:35,805 Slip the window down and say, '' Peachy's gone south for the week.'' 83 00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:40,162 -'' Peachy's gone south for the week.'' -Yes, and he'll tumble. 84 00:12:40,329 --> 00:12:44,959 Well, l'll be getting off now before we reach the station. 85 00:12:47,849 --> 00:12:50,522 By the way, Brother Carnehan.... 86 00:12:51,289 --> 00:12:54,565 l missed my watch in the station at Lahore... 87 00:12:54,729 --> 00:12:57,323 ...before boarding the train. 88 00:12:57,489 --> 00:13:00,686 How was l to know you were a Mason? 89 00:13:26,009 --> 00:13:27,681 What's this? 90 00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:30,409 God's holy trousers! Tickets again? 91 00:13:30,569 --> 00:13:32,685 ls your name Dravot, sir? 92 00:13:35,849 --> 00:13:41,242 l'm to say that Peachy has gone south for the week. 93 00:13:47,209 --> 00:13:49,439 He's gone south for the week. 94 00:13:49,609 --> 00:13:52,806 Did he say l'd give anything for this? l won't. 95 00:13:52,969 --> 00:13:55,529 -No, he didn't. -Then why did you do it? 96 00:13:55,689 --> 00:13:58,601 For the sake of the widow's son. 97 00:14:01,369 --> 00:14:03,644 -He said south, did he? -Yes. 98 00:14:03,809 --> 00:14:06,084 Then that'll be Degumber. 99 00:14:06,249 --> 00:14:08,888 Since you're Peachy's pal, l'll tell you. 100 00:14:09,049 --> 00:14:13,998 We're gonna put the screw on the rajah for what he did to his mother-in-law. 101 00:14:14,169 --> 00:14:17,479 Filled her with peppers and flogged her to death. 102 00:14:18,329 --> 00:14:20,797 You mean you intend to blackmail him? 103 00:14:20,969 --> 00:14:26,327 You wouldn't get out alive! lf they don't cut your throat, they'll poison you. 104 00:14:26,489 --> 00:14:29,720 Both's been tried. Peachy and me don't kill easy! 105 00:14:29,889 --> 00:14:33,438 The rajah's an independent ruler. He answers to nobody. 106 00:14:33,609 --> 00:14:35,964 How will you put the screw on him? 107 00:14:36,129 --> 00:14:39,917 By telling him we're correspondents for The Northern Star. 108 00:14:40,089 --> 00:14:43,968 You can't! You can't do that! 109 00:14:44,129 --> 00:14:48,327 Because l am the correspondent of The Northern Star! 110 00:14:48,769 --> 00:14:52,887 -You what? -l'm the correspondent! 111 00:14:53,049 --> 00:14:56,325 Eh? What did you say, brother? 112 00:15:01,689 --> 00:15:05,284 As you know, we took them at the Degumber border... 113 00:15:05,449 --> 00:15:08,407 ...so there's a question of jurisdiction. 114 00:15:08,569 --> 00:15:12,244 But a charge of conspiracy to blackmail might be brought. 115 00:15:12,409 --> 00:15:16,880 l didn't lay this information before you as a criminal prosecution. 116 00:15:17,049 --> 00:15:19,005 Only to save their lives. 117 00:15:19,169 --> 00:15:23,321 May l ask what particular interest you have in these scoundrels? 118 00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:27,038 Well, they happen to be... 119 00:15:27,209 --> 00:15:29,245 ...Freemasons. Like myself. 120 00:15:29,409 --> 00:15:33,448 Freemasons? Them? l'd think you'd strike them off your roll! 121 00:15:33,609 --> 00:15:36,203 Oh, once a Mason, always a Mason. 122 00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:41,489 Never could understand how pukka chaps like you can go about... 123 00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:45,927 ...wearing aprons and sashes and shaking hands with strangers. 124 00:15:46,289 --> 00:15:48,041 What is Masonry, Kipling? 125 00:15:48,209 --> 00:15:49,927 lt's an ancient order... 126 00:15:50,089 --> 00:15:54,287 ...dedicated to the brotherhood of man, under the eye of God. 127 00:15:54,609 --> 00:15:59,046 We should have left that behind in England. lt can never work here. 128 00:15:59,209 --> 00:16:02,884 There are tales that it did work here, before we came. 129 00:16:03,049 --> 00:16:05,688 Some audacious scholars can trace it... 130 00:16:05,849 --> 00:16:08,363 ...to the builders of Solomon's Temple. 131 00:16:08,529 --> 00:16:14,320 -Old wives' tales, l suspect. -Yes, in all likelihood, sir. 132 00:16:14,489 --> 00:16:20,041 Well, let's have a look at your lodge brothers. 133 00:16:24,209 --> 00:16:26,928 Right turn. 134 00:16:30,889 --> 00:16:32,322 Halt. 135 00:16:32,729 --> 00:16:34,367 Hats off! 136 00:16:35,849 --> 00:16:38,124 You men are not under arrest... 137 00:16:38,289 --> 00:16:43,443 ...thanks to Mr. Kipling, who's a real correspondent for The Northern Star. 138 00:16:43,649 --> 00:16:47,688 But both of you richly deserve to be in jail. 139 00:16:48,009 --> 00:16:50,398 l have your records before me. 140 00:16:50,569 --> 00:16:53,800 There's everything f rom smuggling to swindling... 141 00:16:53,969 --> 00:16:57,279 ...receiving stolen goods and barefaced blackmail! 142 00:16:57,449 --> 00:16:59,440 l resent the accusation. 143 00:16:59,609 --> 00:17:03,238 lt is blackmail to threaten to publish information. 144 00:17:03,409 --> 00:17:07,527 What blackmail is there in accepting a retainer to keep it out? 145 00:17:07,689 --> 00:17:09,839 How did you propose to do that? 146 00:17:10,009 --> 00:17:13,638 Telling the editor what l know about his sister... 147 00:17:13,809 --> 00:17:16,448 ...and a certain government official. 148 00:17:16,609 --> 00:17:20,727 Let him put that in his paper if he has need of news! 149 00:17:24,409 --> 00:17:27,685 You should have gone home after your army service. 150 00:17:27,849 --> 00:17:31,046 To what? A porter's uniform outside a restaurant? 151 00:17:31,209 --> 00:17:35,327 Tips for closing cab doors on civilians and their blowzy women? 152 00:17:35,489 --> 00:17:38,720 Not for us, after watching Af ghans take command... 153 00:17:38,889 --> 00:17:42,199 -...when the officers had copped it! -Well said! 154 00:17:42,369 --> 00:17:47,568 There may be no criminal charges, but l'll see these files reach Calcutta... 155 00:17:47,729 --> 00:17:51,722 ...with the advice you be deported as political undesirables. 156 00:17:51,889 --> 00:17:54,608 Detriments to the empire and the raj. 157 00:17:54,769 --> 00:17:57,203 Detriments you call us? Detriments? 158 00:17:57,369 --> 00:18:02,921 Detriments like us built this bloody empire and the izzat of the raj! 159 00:18:03,129 --> 00:18:04,926 Hats on! 160 00:18:05,289 --> 00:18:07,086 About turn! 161 00:18:07,489 --> 00:18:10,287 By the left, quick march! 162 00:18:11,009 --> 00:18:13,967 Left turn! 163 00:18:18,569 --> 00:18:23,882 There's no need to let any of this get into the Star, l take it, Kipling? 164 00:18:24,049 --> 00:18:25,880 No, no, no. 165 00:18:31,129 --> 00:18:32,642 Copy. 166 00:19:01,969 --> 00:19:05,803 My God! You two! What do you want this time? 167 00:19:05,969 --> 00:19:09,598 -We want to ask you a favour. -Another favour? 168 00:19:09,769 --> 00:19:14,047 Calm down, we've never taken advantage of a fellow in the craft. 169 00:19:14,209 --> 00:19:16,928 We don't want money, just a little time... 170 00:19:17,089 --> 00:19:20,286 ...a look at a book or two, a study of your maps. 171 00:19:20,449 --> 00:19:23,486 We'll take a drink, but if not, we won't mind. 172 00:19:23,649 --> 00:19:27,688 Peachy is as sober as l am. lt's important you have no doubts. 173 00:19:27,929 --> 00:19:34,243 So we'll take one of your cigars apiece, and you shall watch us... 174 00:19:34,409 --> 00:19:36,081 ...light up. 175 00:19:46,409 --> 00:19:47,478 And now, sir... 176 00:19:47,649 --> 00:19:52,404 ...let me introduce you to Brother Peachy Carnehan, which is him... 177 00:19:52,569 --> 00:19:57,085 ...and Brother Daniel Dravot, which is l. 178 00:19:57,649 --> 00:20:01,927 The less said about our jobs, the better. We've been most things. 179 00:20:02,089 --> 00:20:06,924 We've been all over lndia. We know her cities, jungles, jails and passes. 180 00:20:07,089 --> 00:20:10,206 We have decided she isn't big enough for us. 181 00:20:10,369 --> 00:20:12,360 The commissioner said that. 182 00:20:12,529 --> 00:20:14,520 We're going to another place... 183 00:20:14,689 --> 00:20:18,238 ...where a man isn't crowded and can come into his own. 184 00:20:18,409 --> 00:20:21,924 We're not little men, so we're going away to be kings. 185 00:20:22,289 --> 00:20:25,759 -Kings of Kafiristan. -Oh, Kafiristan. 186 00:20:25,929 --> 00:20:30,559 We hear they have two and 30 idols there. So we'll be the 33rd and 34th. 187 00:20:31,049 --> 00:20:35,361 lt's a place of warring tribes, meaning a land of opportunity... 188 00:20:35,529 --> 00:20:38,760 ...for such who can train and lead men in battle. 189 00:20:38,929 --> 00:20:41,807 We'll go there and say to any chief we find: 190 00:20:41,969 --> 00:20:45,962 ''Want to vanquish your foes?'' He'll say, ''Of course, do it.'' 191 00:20:46,129 --> 00:20:49,758 We'll fight for him, make him king and then subvert him. 192 00:20:50,089 --> 00:20:53,638 We'll seize his royal throne and loot the country. 193 00:20:53,849 --> 00:20:56,317 How's that for a plan? 194 00:20:57,169 --> 00:20:59,808 You're both out of your minds! 195 00:21:01,889 --> 00:21:03,880 To start with... 196 00:21:04,769 --> 00:21:09,559 ...the only way to get there is through Af ghanistan. 197 00:21:10,209 --> 00:21:12,848 Kafiristan? No, no, no. 198 00:21:13,009 --> 00:21:18,879 Two white men would be cut to pieces five miles into the Khyber Pass. 199 00:21:19,049 --> 00:21:22,325 Just suppose we managed it. Just suppose. 200 00:21:22,489 --> 00:21:26,084 And suppose we got across the Af ghan plains, then what? 201 00:21:26,249 --> 00:21:31,721 There's the Hindu Kush, a f rozen sea of peaks and glaciers. 202 00:21:31,889 --> 00:21:36,804 A party of geographers tried several years ago and vanished into thin air. 203 00:21:36,969 --> 00:21:41,360 No white man has ever been there and come out since Alexander. 204 00:21:41,529 --> 00:21:43,406 Alexander who? 205 00:21:43,569 --> 00:21:47,608 Alexander the Great, king of Greece. 300 years before Christ. 206 00:21:47,769 --> 00:21:50,567 lf a Greek can do it, we can do it. 207 00:21:50,729 --> 00:21:52,082 Right. 208 00:21:53,169 --> 00:21:57,082 l can only repeat, you're a pair of lunatics! 209 00:21:57,249 --> 00:22:01,800 Would a pair of lunatics draw up a contract like this? 210 00:22:03,369 --> 00:22:08,045 ''This contract between us, pursuing and witnesseth in the name of God. 211 00:22:08,209 --> 00:22:12,885 One: We will settle this together, i.e., to be kings of Kafiristan. 212 00:22:13,049 --> 00:22:17,201 Two: We will not, while this is being settled, look at liquor... 213 00:22:17,369 --> 00:22:21,840 ...or any woman, so as to get mix ed up with one or the other harmf ul. 214 00:22:22,009 --> 00:22:24,762 Three: We act with dignity and discretion. 215 00:22:24,929 --> 00:22:29,605 lf one is in trouble, the other stays by him. Signed by us this day.'' 216 00:22:29,769 --> 00:22:34,001 There's no need for the last article, but it's got a ring to it. 217 00:22:34,649 --> 00:22:36,128 Daniel. 218 00:23:06,129 --> 00:23:10,725 Now, you witness it and it's legal. 219 00:23:26,009 --> 00:23:30,002 Well, gentlemen, it's 4 in the morning. 220 00:23:30,169 --> 00:23:35,926 Don't stand on politeness. lf you want to go to bed, we won't steal anything. 221 00:23:36,089 --> 00:23:37,158 Thank you. 222 00:23:37,329 --> 00:23:41,959 We'll send word when we're ready to go, if you want to say goodbye. 223 00:23:42,129 --> 00:23:46,168 Yes. Well, try not to burn the place down. 224 00:23:50,289 --> 00:23:52,086 Here we are. 225 00:23:53,009 --> 00:23:57,525 '' Kafiristan. 10, 000 square miles. Mountainous terrain. 226 00:23:57,689 --> 00:24:00,567 Religion unknown. Population unknown. 227 00:24:00,729 --> 00:24:04,483 Conquered by Alexander in 328 B.C. 228 00:24:04,649 --> 00:24:10,167 According to Herodotus, he defeated King Oxyartes... 229 00:24:10,329 --> 00:24:16,006 ...whose daughter Roxanne he subsequently took to wife.'' 230 00:24:24,969 --> 00:24:27,483 You buy f rom me, l give you good price. 231 00:24:27,649 --> 00:24:31,847 Very cheap, very nice things for you, especially for you, sir. 232 00:24:49,249 --> 00:24:53,686 Our forward continuance is impeded by this fellow, who is begging... 233 00:24:53,849 --> 00:24:58,684 ...you will accompany him that he may show you a rare and wonderf ul thing. 234 00:24:58,849 --> 00:25:01,841 -What thing? -He would not say what thing. 235 00:25:02,009 --> 00:25:05,001 Therefore, l suspect his bad intentions... 236 00:25:05,169 --> 00:25:08,400 ...to entice you into a house of disreputation... 237 00:25:08,569 --> 00:25:11,800 ...where he will take you, kill you, murder you... 238 00:25:11,969 --> 00:25:15,882 ...cut your throat and rob the money f rom your pockets also. 239 00:25:16,049 --> 00:25:17,607 Crikey! 240 00:25:17,769 --> 00:25:20,203 -Wait at the office! -Sir, please! 241 00:25:20,369 --> 00:25:23,406 Myself, l will take you to a loving house. 242 00:25:23,569 --> 00:25:26,402 You will be very happy and delightf ul.... 243 00:25:53,649 --> 00:25:55,560 Morning to you, brother. 244 00:25:55,729 --> 00:25:59,039 Glad you caught the performance. What do you think? 245 00:25:59,209 --> 00:26:02,758 lt's convincing, but what are you rascals up to now? 246 00:26:02,929 --> 00:26:06,683 Last week it was kings you were to be, of Kafiristan. 247 00:26:06,849 --> 00:26:11,047 -We've gotta get there first. -Madness is a trick. 248 00:26:11,209 --> 00:26:14,519 Who'd hurt some poor crazy priest and his servant? 249 00:26:14,689 --> 00:26:17,761 Peachy worked this out. We've used it before. 250 00:26:17,929 --> 00:26:19,840 He talks, while l act dumb. 251 00:26:20,009 --> 00:26:21,965 l can clown pretty good now. 252 00:26:22,129 --> 00:26:25,246 l can twitch to put the fear into any good Muslim. 253 00:26:25,409 --> 00:26:27,877 l can f roth at the mouth. Want to see? 254 00:26:28,049 --> 00:26:31,644 -l can imagine. -All right, some other time perhaps. 255 00:26:31,969 --> 00:26:33,880 Come over here. 256 00:26:38,369 --> 00:26:41,361 Give it a touch-up down here. 257 00:26:43,929 --> 00:26:47,239 -Rifles? -Twenty Martinis, and ammunition. 258 00:26:47,409 --> 00:26:50,924 Cost us every sou we got out of the rajah of Degumber. 259 00:26:51,089 --> 00:26:54,286 Good heavens! You mean you went back there? 260 00:26:54,449 --> 00:26:56,246 Of course, Brother Kipling. 261 00:26:56,409 --> 00:26:59,048 God help you if you're caught with those! 262 00:26:59,209 --> 00:27:02,326 Gunrunning isn't exactly new to us. 263 00:27:02,489 --> 00:27:06,243 Well, Brother Kipling, goodbye and many thanks. 264 00:27:06,409 --> 00:27:09,367 Man, don't do it! 265 00:27:09,529 --> 00:27:11,440 The odds are too great. 266 00:27:11,609 --> 00:27:15,363 Wish us luck. We met upon the level. 267 00:27:15,529 --> 00:27:18,282 And we're parting on the square. 268 00:27:19,609 --> 00:27:21,440 Good luck, indeed. 269 00:27:27,329 --> 00:27:30,366 Come along, you ugly beast. 270 00:27:35,489 --> 00:27:36,842 Wait! 271 00:27:39,929 --> 00:27:43,319 Here. Take this. 272 00:28:03,609 --> 00:28:08,683 Last time Danny and me came through the Khyber Pass, we fought our way... 273 00:28:08,849 --> 00:28:10,965 ...yard by bloody yard... 274 00:28:11,129 --> 00:28:14,439 ...and General Bobbs called us heroes afterwards. 275 00:28:14,609 --> 00:28:17,567 But that was years ago. Times have changed. 276 00:28:17,729 --> 00:28:22,166 -Blast! Look who's on sentry! -Mulvaney! 277 00:28:22,529 --> 00:28:25,407 That loudmouthed mick f rom the Black Tyrone! 278 00:28:25,569 --> 00:28:29,960 Private Mulvaney! Come to attention when l am addressing you! 279 00:28:30,129 --> 00:28:32,085 Slope arms! 280 00:28:33,529 --> 00:28:36,566 Present! March! 281 00:28:37,969 --> 00:28:40,085 Mark time! 282 00:28:40,249 --> 00:28:42,638 At the double! 283 00:28:48,209 --> 00:28:50,848 Corporal of the guard! 284 00:28:51,569 --> 00:28:55,039 Take three men and put Private Mulvaney under arrest! 285 00:28:55,209 --> 00:28:57,643 Bloody man's drunk again! 286 00:28:57,809 --> 00:29:00,846 We came through the Khyber with that caravan... 287 00:29:01,009 --> 00:29:04,240 ...doing all sorts of antics to amuse the people. 288 00:29:04,409 --> 00:29:08,766 At night, he told them their fortunes in a tongue of his own... 289 00:29:08,929 --> 00:29:10,567 ...and I translated. 290 00:29:10,729 --> 00:29:12,799 And all concerned were happy... 291 00:29:12,969 --> 00:29:17,520 ...because I promised them all their wishes would come true. 292 00:29:29,089 --> 00:29:33,844 Then at Jaedallak we turned off towards Kafiristan. 293 00:29:34,529 --> 00:29:39,000 They were sad to see us leave the caravan. We'd brought it good luck. 294 00:29:39,169 --> 00:29:44,926 Two she-camels had foaled and there was no sniping at us from the hills. 295 00:29:46,249 --> 00:29:49,844 They waved goodbye to the mad priest and his servant. 296 00:29:50,009 --> 00:29:53,604 And Danny danced them out of sight. 297 00:30:04,409 --> 00:30:09,119 The country was deserty. The inhabitants were dispersed, solitary. 298 00:30:09,289 --> 00:30:12,486 We travelled by night and kept away from villages. 299 00:30:12,649 --> 00:30:16,881 We didn't want to waste ammunition in idle fighting with Afghans. 300 00:31:00,809 --> 00:31:02,800 The Pushtukan. 301 00:31:04,169 --> 00:31:09,323 A wavy blue line on the map, but we couldn't hope to get camels across. 302 00:31:09,649 --> 00:31:14,325 So Peachy says, ''It doesn't matter what they cost... 303 00:31:14,529 --> 00:31:18,807 ...we'll trade them for goats. We're playing for high stakes. '' 304 00:31:19,049 --> 00:31:23,804 Major McCrimmon bet me 10 bob he could blow up a goat skin in one breath. 305 00:31:24,009 --> 00:31:28,525 He did. Though he'd sat down on an anthill in his kilt unknowing. 306 00:31:28,729 --> 00:31:31,607 Ten shillings was ten shillings to McCrimmon! 307 00:32:01,809 --> 00:32:03,322 Mules. 308 00:32:05,289 --> 00:32:08,167 Now, the problem is... 309 00:32:09,009 --> 00:32:13,161 ...how to divide five Af ghans f rom three mules... 310 00:32:13,409 --> 00:32:16,799 -...and have two Englishmen left over. -Shoot them. 311 00:32:17,009 --> 00:32:20,763 No. The mules would bolt. 312 00:32:24,489 --> 00:32:27,322 Sit over there, Danny. 313 00:34:44,329 --> 00:34:48,481 So we starts forward into those bitter cold mountainous parts... 314 00:34:48,689 --> 00:34:52,443 ...and never a path broader than the back of your hand. 315 00:35:00,529 --> 00:35:03,487 The mountains was tall and white... 316 00:35:04,009 --> 00:35:06,921 ...like wild rams, they was always fighting... 317 00:35:07,129 --> 00:35:10,724 ...so you couldn't sleep for the din of their fighting. 318 00:35:35,209 --> 00:35:37,518 For God's sake, Danny, pipe down. 319 00:35:37,769 --> 00:35:41,808 -Why? Who's going to hear us? -These mountains, that's who. 320 00:35:42,009 --> 00:35:46,400 -You wanna start an avalanche? -You don't believe that, l hope. 321 00:35:46,609 --> 00:35:50,318 lf a king can't sing, it ain't worth being king. 322 00:35:53,249 --> 00:35:55,205 The country was mountainous... 323 00:35:55,449 --> 00:35:59,408 ...and the mules was most contrary. They all died but one. 324 00:35:59,649 --> 00:36:02,083 And she died later on. 325 00:36:02,609 --> 00:36:07,160 Danny went snow-blind and clung to jenny's tail. 326 00:36:07,809 --> 00:36:11,404 Up and up we went, and down and down. 327 00:36:11,649 --> 00:36:16,165 Through defiles and over snowy saddles till all at once... 328 00:36:16,809 --> 00:36:19,846 ... two giants stood in our way. 329 00:36:25,649 --> 00:36:27,765 God's holy trousers. 330 00:36:28,009 --> 00:36:29,567 What's the matter? 331 00:36:29,769 --> 00:36:34,320 Blokes twice our size standing guarding the snow, like. Two of them. 332 00:36:34,569 --> 00:36:36,878 Give them a round apiece. 333 00:36:45,129 --> 00:36:47,245 Not a move out of them. 334 00:36:47,689 --> 00:36:49,520 Stay put. 335 00:36:49,729 --> 00:36:51,924 l'll reconnoitre. 336 00:36:59,729 --> 00:37:01,720 They're not real, thank God. 337 00:37:01,969 --> 00:37:03,448 They're horrible. 338 00:37:05,329 --> 00:37:08,844 Put there by the Kafiris to f righten the neighbours. 339 00:37:09,329 --> 00:37:13,447 Peachy, that means we're in Kafiristan. Or almost. 340 00:37:14,089 --> 00:37:16,205 So it does. 341 00:37:17,809 --> 00:37:22,166 -What was that? -Our bridges have been burned. 342 00:37:22,409 --> 00:37:23,637 What do you mean? 343 00:37:24,129 --> 00:37:27,201 The bridge we crossed by ain't there no longer. 344 00:37:27,929 --> 00:37:29,601 God. 345 00:37:44,609 --> 00:37:46,440 Now what? 346 00:37:46,849 --> 00:37:49,079 -Tell me. -A crevasse. 347 00:37:49,689 --> 00:37:52,442 We've had it, Danny. Coming and going! 348 00:37:52,689 --> 00:37:54,520 -Wide? -Wide enough! 349 00:37:54,769 --> 00:37:58,967 lt drops into nothing below, straight as a beggar can spit! 350 00:38:01,809 --> 00:38:06,724 That's the last of them, Peachy. No more gods to burn. 351 00:38:07,769 --> 00:38:10,841 lt looks like last post, Danny. 352 00:38:12,329 --> 00:38:16,766 l don't fancy dying by inches. Feeling the cold creeping up my limbs. 353 00:38:16,969 --> 00:38:20,928 -Getting all numb. -l'll do the necessary... 354 00:38:21,129 --> 00:38:24,280 -...when the fire goes out. -Fair enough. 355 00:38:25,769 --> 00:38:27,122 Bloody shame. 356 00:38:27,689 --> 00:38:30,249 Getting this close and not making it. 357 00:38:31,689 --> 00:38:35,204 A stone's throw away, our kingdom. 358 00:38:37,009 --> 00:38:41,321 l'd have liked to seen you, Danny, with a gold crown on your head. 359 00:38:41,529 --> 00:38:44,805 lf you could've found one that fitted it. 360 00:38:46,969 --> 00:38:50,723 Peachy, in your opinion... 361 00:38:50,929 --> 00:38:54,239 ...have our lives been misspent? 362 00:38:55,169 --> 00:38:58,320 Well, that depends on how you look at it. 363 00:38:58,529 --> 00:39:01,362 The world's not a better place because of us. 364 00:39:01,569 --> 00:39:02,797 No, hardly that. 365 00:39:03,009 --> 00:39:07,400 -Nobody's gonna weep at our demise. -And who'd want them to? 366 00:39:07,609 --> 00:39:11,158 And we haven't many good deeds to our credit. 367 00:39:11,369 --> 00:39:14,884 None. None to brag about. 368 00:39:15,329 --> 00:39:17,559 But how many have been where we've been... 369 00:39:17,769 --> 00:39:21,728 -...and seen what we've seen? -Bloody few. And that's a fact. 370 00:39:21,929 --> 00:39:26,161 Even now, l wouldn't change places with the viceroy himself... 371 00:39:26,369 --> 00:39:30,521 -...if it meant giving up my memories. -Me neither. 372 00:39:31,289 --> 00:39:35,646 Remember the time the Highlanders was retreating down the hill... 373 00:39:35,889 --> 00:39:41,202 ...at Ali Masjit and Pipe Major McCrimmon got his sporran shot off? 374 00:39:41,529 --> 00:39:43,485 Half a crown was in it, right? 375 00:39:43,689 --> 00:39:48,479 So he goes after it without checking to see if that was all he'd lost! 376 00:39:48,729 --> 00:39:51,163 And then he got the Victoria Cross... 377 00:39:51,369 --> 00:39:54,600 ...because the Highlanders followed him up the hill! 378 00:40:40,889 --> 00:40:44,723 Danny, we can get on! 379 00:41:09,449 --> 00:41:11,167 Kafiristan. 380 00:41:12,209 --> 00:41:14,120 The promised land. 381 00:43:04,369 --> 00:43:06,963 Must be their Halloween. 382 00:43:16,569 --> 00:43:19,083 Upsadaisy, lad. 383 00:43:33,009 --> 00:43:37,048 Brass band and all. Hail the conquering heroes. 384 00:43:46,649 --> 00:43:49,721 Bloody cheek. Where's their gratitude? 385 00:43:49,969 --> 00:43:52,961 l say! l say there! 386 00:43:53,169 --> 00:43:55,080 Are you Englishmen, please? 387 00:43:56,089 --> 00:43:59,399 Stone the bleeding crows! Yes, mate. 388 00:44:00,009 --> 00:44:03,206 -And who might you be? -You just wait one jiffy. 389 00:44:24,209 --> 00:44:26,086 Peachy, it's a Gurkha. 390 00:44:27,009 --> 00:44:31,366 Rifleman Machendra Gurung. Known to my regiment as Billy Fish. 391 00:44:31,609 --> 00:44:34,362 ls that right? Well, report, rifleman. 392 00:44:34,609 --> 00:44:36,759 What are you doing here? Wherever here is. 393 00:44:37,289 --> 00:44:40,998 -l come with Colonel Robertson, sir. -The geographer? 394 00:44:41,249 --> 00:44:43,046 Oh, dear me, alas, by Jove. 395 00:44:43,289 --> 00:44:46,645 Party not reaching Er-Heb for very misfortunate reasons. 396 00:44:46,889 --> 00:44:49,926 Large mountain is falling on everyone. 397 00:44:50,289 --> 00:44:53,998 Everybody buried alive ex cept your servant. 398 00:44:54,529 --> 00:44:57,760 What about them up there banging drums... 399 00:44:58,009 --> 00:45:00,398 ...and then shooting arrows at us? 400 00:45:00,609 --> 00:45:02,964 Big noise to scare away devils! 401 00:45:03,209 --> 00:45:07,168 -Many devils here these days. -They thought we was devils? 402 00:45:07,409 --> 00:45:09,525 Kafiristan peoples very ignorant. 403 00:45:09,729 --> 00:45:14,405 l say to head man Ootah, l say, ''Oh, no, by Jove, they're not devils... 404 00:45:14,649 --> 00:45:17,322 ...they're Gorasahibs. British soldiers.'' 405 00:45:17,529 --> 00:45:18,882 Good man, Billy Fish. 406 00:45:19,329 --> 00:45:22,480 And now, if you'll take us to this Ootah bloke... 407 00:45:22,689 --> 00:45:25,362 ...we will begin his education. 408 00:45:41,089 --> 00:45:44,365 People of Er-Heb, do not fear. 409 00:45:44,609 --> 00:45:48,727 They are our f riends, not our enemies. 410 00:45:48,969 --> 00:45:52,325 Do you understand? Do not fear. 411 00:45:52,529 --> 00:45:55,521 There is no need to fear. They're our f riends. 412 00:45:58,609 --> 00:46:03,558 Why are you so af raid? People of Er-Heb, do not fear! 413 00:46:03,809 --> 00:46:06,562 They're f rom England! British soldiers! 414 00:46:06,809 --> 00:46:09,323 White men. Do not be af raid. 415 00:46:09,569 --> 00:46:11,400 Ootah! 416 00:46:11,649 --> 00:46:13,162 Come on down. 417 00:46:13,409 --> 00:46:18,324 No need to be af raid. They're white men. Ootah! 418 00:46:19,169 --> 00:46:21,319 Come down! 419 00:46:23,369 --> 00:46:26,122 Don't be af raid. 420 00:46:41,369 --> 00:46:44,361 Tell him we won't hurt him, not to worry. 421 00:47:02,089 --> 00:47:04,523 He wants to know where you come f rom. 422 00:47:04,729 --> 00:47:07,641 Tell him we tumbled f rom the skies. 423 00:47:13,489 --> 00:47:15,400 He wants to know, are you gods? 424 00:47:15,609 --> 00:47:19,682 Not gods, Englishmen, which is the next best thing. 425 00:47:23,809 --> 00:47:26,562 l ofttimes tell Ootah about Englishmans. 426 00:47:26,809 --> 00:47:29,528 How they name dogs, take off hats to womans... 427 00:47:29,729 --> 00:47:33,517 ...and march left, right with rifles on their shoulders. 428 00:47:33,729 --> 00:47:37,517 Bringing enlightenment to the darker regions of the earth. 429 00:47:39,169 --> 00:47:42,127 He wants to know how rifle works. 430 00:47:46,649 --> 00:47:48,321 Show him, Peachy. 431 00:48:00,569 --> 00:48:04,118 We are not gods, exactly, but we are heaven-sent... 432 00:48:04,329 --> 00:48:07,241 ...to deliver you f rom your enemies. 433 00:48:12,689 --> 00:48:15,283 Enemies all around. 434 00:48:15,969 --> 00:48:19,279 The Bashkai are the worst. 435 00:48:22,409 --> 00:48:26,448 All town comes out and pisses downstream when we go bathing. 436 00:48:26,689 --> 00:48:28,520 Shocking! 437 00:48:30,409 --> 00:48:32,923 They are always stealing our womans. 438 00:48:34,009 --> 00:48:35,567 Putting on masks. 439 00:48:38,369 --> 00:48:40,963 And so our head chap is thinking them devils... 440 00:48:41,129 --> 00:48:46,408 -...and running like bloody hell away. -War! Red war we'll give them. 441 00:48:48,289 --> 00:48:52,282 He give you two goats for each Bashkai man you're killing. 442 00:48:55,689 --> 00:48:58,044 One goat for each womans and childs. 443 00:48:58,249 --> 00:49:01,446 Rather than knock them over one at a time... 444 00:49:01,649 --> 00:49:03,560 ...we'd like to do it in one fell swoop. 445 00:49:03,769 --> 00:49:08,968 Serve him up a proper victory. Storm Bashkai, take the city. 446 00:49:13,209 --> 00:49:14,927 He says, '' How much?'' 447 00:49:15,169 --> 00:49:19,720 Only the honour of leading the brave men of Er-Heb into battle. 448 00:49:25,049 --> 00:49:27,358 And what we fancy in souvenirs. 449 00:49:28,089 --> 00:49:33,766 -A bauble here and a bangle there. -Bashkai is only the beginning. 450 00:49:34,009 --> 00:49:38,844 We hope to go on f rom victory to victory until he runs out of enemies. 451 00:49:40,089 --> 00:49:43,081 And a monarch of all you survey. 452 00:49:46,849 --> 00:49:51,479 -All he surveys? -From the highest place in the valley. 453 00:49:52,729 --> 00:49:56,278 The mountains will echo your name. 454 00:49:58,769 --> 00:50:03,001 Ootah the Great! 455 00:50:09,329 --> 00:50:11,559 Oh, he says he prefers ''Ootah the Terrible.'' 456 00:50:11,809 --> 00:50:15,597 Then Ootah the Terrible it shall be. 457 00:50:20,969 --> 00:50:24,359 And take him in token of our earnest. 458 00:50:27,649 --> 00:50:31,198 And now the womans of Er-Heb will cut his bollocks off! 459 00:50:31,449 --> 00:50:34,407 Couldn't happen in a better cause. 460 00:51:20,489 --> 00:51:22,127 -Contract. -Contract. 461 00:51:30,889 --> 00:51:33,642 Ootah say, ''You, you no like?'' 462 00:51:33,889 --> 00:51:39,600 Tell him we've given up strong drink until we've conquered all his enemies. 463 00:51:48,329 --> 00:51:50,843 Boil them once or twice in hot water... 464 00:51:51,049 --> 00:51:53,563 ...and they'll come out like chicken and ham. 465 00:51:53,769 --> 00:51:56,761 You wouldn't know them f rom the Gaiety Chorus. 466 00:52:00,129 --> 00:52:04,805 -Ootah says, ''Take your pick.'' -He does? 467 00:52:06,809 --> 00:52:12,327 Oh, tell His Majesty one's prettier than another. l couldn't choose. 468 00:52:12,529 --> 00:52:16,727 Take as many as you like. There are more where they came f rom. 469 00:52:16,929 --> 00:52:18,567 He has 27 daughters. 470 00:52:18,769 --> 00:52:22,318 They're his daughters? His own daughters? 471 00:52:22,569 --> 00:52:26,403 -Dirty old brute! -Different countries, different customs. 472 00:52:26,609 --> 00:52:29,077 Mustn't be prejudiced, Peachy. 473 00:52:29,289 --> 00:52:33,885 Tell His Majesty we've also taken a vow not to dally with females... 474 00:52:34,089 --> 00:52:37,479 ...till all his enemies are vanquished. 475 00:52:46,049 --> 00:52:50,486 He has 32 sons if you're liking boys. 476 00:52:52,129 --> 00:52:54,040 Tell him he makes my gorge rise! 477 00:52:54,289 --> 00:52:59,124 Hold on, Peachy, he's only being hospitable according to his likes. 478 00:53:06,849 --> 00:53:08,123 Polo! 479 00:53:37,209 --> 00:53:40,007 Everything's the same. The ball's bigger. 480 00:53:40,329 --> 00:53:43,799 -ls the ball always that big? -Depends on size of head. 481 00:53:44,009 --> 00:53:48,480 Big head, big ball. This here Bashkai man. Big damn head. 482 00:53:48,689 --> 00:53:50,407 The bloody heathens. 483 00:53:50,649 --> 00:53:54,961 Different countries, different customs. Mustn't be prejudiced. 484 00:53:56,409 --> 00:53:59,162 Now, listen to me, you benighted muckers. 485 00:54:01,409 --> 00:54:05,322 We're gonna teach you soldiering, the noblest profession. 486 00:54:06,609 --> 00:54:12,366 When we're done, you'll be able to slaughter enemies like civilized men! 487 00:54:12,569 --> 00:54:16,608 But first, you'll have to learn to march in step... 488 00:54:16,849 --> 00:54:20,364 ...do the manual of arms without having to think. 489 00:54:20,569 --> 00:54:24,960 Good soldiers don't think, they just obey. 490 00:54:25,929 --> 00:54:30,002 You think if a man thought twice, he'd die for his country? 491 00:54:30,209 --> 00:54:33,918 Not bloody likely! He wouldn't go near the battlefield! 492 00:54:34,249 --> 00:54:37,207 One look at your foolish faces... 493 00:54:37,449 --> 00:54:40,998 ...tells me you're going to be crack troops. 494 00:54:41,209 --> 00:54:45,441 Him there with a 51I2 hat size has the makings of a bloody hero. 495 00:54:54,329 --> 00:54:58,481 Timing in the British Army has always been: ''One, two, three.'' 496 00:54:59,209 --> 00:55:00,801 One, two, three. 497 00:55:03,089 --> 00:55:06,399 Say after me, ''One, two, three.'' 498 00:55:09,089 --> 00:55:12,286 Wait. Ready, steady, go. 499 00:55:12,769 --> 00:55:14,441 One, two, three. 500 00:55:14,689 --> 00:55:17,647 One, two, three. 501 00:55:17,849 --> 00:55:23,003 Say it at the same time as the others. Tell him to say it at the same time! 502 00:55:26,009 --> 00:55:27,567 Right. Go! 503 00:55:27,769 --> 00:55:29,327 One, two, three. 504 00:55:29,649 --> 00:55:31,162 One, two, three. 505 00:55:31,369 --> 00:55:34,406 Billy, tell him to say it with the others! 506 00:55:35,049 --> 00:55:38,564 One, two, three. Right. Now ready, steady, go. 507 00:55:38,809 --> 00:55:40,288 One, two, three. 508 00:55:40,529 --> 00:55:43,760 No! He's saying it before the others, Billy. 509 00:55:43,969 --> 00:55:47,803 Not before them, not after them, with them! 510 00:55:48,169 --> 00:55:51,559 Right. Attention! 511 00:55:52,129 --> 00:55:54,279 No. You, look.... 512 00:55:56,049 --> 00:56:00,884 That one goes to there! Say that one goes to there! That's it! 513 00:56:02,129 --> 00:56:03,847 Down there, like that. 514 00:56:04,049 --> 00:56:06,768 There. There we are. Okay? Right. 515 00:56:24,849 --> 00:56:27,602 Come on, smarten up, you horrible lot! 516 00:56:27,849 --> 00:56:29,601 Attention! 517 00:56:29,849 --> 00:56:31,362 That's better. 518 00:56:31,609 --> 00:56:34,362 Troops, march! 519 00:56:36,849 --> 00:56:39,966 By the left. Quick. March! 520 00:56:40,169 --> 00:56:44,560 Left. Left. Left, right, left. 521 00:56:55,649 --> 00:56:59,278 Wait. You're a handsome piece, that l don't deny... 522 00:56:59,529 --> 00:57:03,602 ...but the contract states the party of the first part, Danny... 523 00:57:03,849 --> 00:57:07,808 ...and the party of the second part, which is me... 524 00:57:08,049 --> 00:57:10,768 ...shall nowise compromise ourselves... 525 00:57:10,969 --> 00:57:14,166 ...with parties of the third part, which is you. 526 00:57:14,369 --> 00:57:16,564 All binding, properly sworn to... 527 00:57:17,129 --> 00:57:20,326 ...witnessed and attested. 528 00:57:21,369 --> 00:57:23,360 -Danny! -So! 529 00:57:24,129 --> 00:57:26,404 Thank God you arrived. 530 00:57:26,649 --> 00:57:29,117 Let's go seek safety in battle. 531 00:57:55,529 --> 00:57:58,202 Trumpeter, sound your trumpet! 532 00:58:29,649 --> 00:58:31,241 Billy Fish. 533 00:58:33,849 --> 00:58:37,364 Blood is what we want. The bloodier, the better. 534 00:58:37,569 --> 00:58:39,446 So it shall be! 535 00:58:42,369 --> 00:58:45,679 Like old times, Peachy. Reminds me of Ali Majid. 536 00:58:45,889 --> 00:58:48,961 lt's a good job the odds are only 10 to 1 . 537 00:59:00,409 --> 00:59:01,762 Halt! 538 00:59:05,969 --> 00:59:08,961 Line up in a straight line here. 539 00:59:26,609 --> 00:59:28,565 Present! 540 00:59:29,649 --> 00:59:31,367 Aim! 541 00:59:59,729 --> 01:00:01,367 Who are they? 542 01:00:01,569 --> 01:00:03,082 What's happening? 543 01:00:03,329 --> 01:00:04,808 Very holy men. 544 01:00:05,049 --> 01:00:09,565 They walk through Kafiristan collecting offerings for Holy City. 545 01:00:10,529 --> 01:00:14,920 Battle is postponed until priests have passed. 546 01:00:16,369 --> 01:00:20,567 -Why are their eyes closed? -They don't wish to see any badness... 547 01:00:20,769 --> 01:00:26,127 ....so keep eyes closed until they return to beauties of Sikandergul. 548 01:00:54,809 --> 01:00:56,162 Fire! 549 01:00:59,249 --> 01:01:01,160 Aim! Fire! 550 01:01:06,049 --> 01:01:08,961 Charge! Come on. 551 01:01:10,009 --> 01:01:13,285 Oh, that great bloody showoff! 552 01:01:13,529 --> 01:01:18,045 Rifle section, form line! Fix bayonets! 553 01:01:37,649 --> 01:01:39,685 Advance! 554 01:01:39,929 --> 01:01:42,966 Volley fire! Commence! 555 01:01:43,449 --> 01:01:45,326 Charge! 556 01:03:20,049 --> 01:03:24,486 What did you think you were playing at charging single-handed? 557 01:03:24,729 --> 01:03:29,359 -l got carried away. Blood was up. -Acting like a green lieutenant... 558 01:03:29,569 --> 01:03:32,481 ...hoping to be mentioned in dispatches! 559 01:03:32,729 --> 01:03:34,799 -You ought to be ashamed! -Sorry. 560 01:03:35,049 --> 01:03:38,166 Supposing you got killed. Where would l be at? 561 01:03:38,329 --> 01:03:40,797 -Won't happen again. -See it don't! 562 01:03:41,009 --> 01:03:44,968 -Why are you carrying that arrow? -No particular reason. 563 01:03:51,569 --> 01:03:52,888 Hold on! 564 01:03:53,129 --> 01:03:54,767 What's he up to? 565 01:04:05,969 --> 01:04:09,484 He say he win this big battle. According to custom... 566 01:04:09,729 --> 01:04:12,289 -...he lop off their heads. -Great warrior? 567 01:04:12,489 --> 01:04:15,367 l never saw him in the thick of the f ray. 568 01:04:15,569 --> 01:04:18,527 There's no prisoner ex ecutions in this army. 569 01:04:18,729 --> 01:04:21,163 Tell him to put that sword away. 570 01:04:25,769 --> 01:04:29,239 He says once sword unsheathed, it must taste blood. 571 01:04:29,449 --> 01:04:32,964 Just as l thought. He hasn't had it out until now! 572 01:04:37,809 --> 01:04:42,166 He says watch out or he get very angry and lop your head off. 573 01:04:53,729 --> 01:04:57,085 All right. Up you get. Off your hunkers. 574 01:04:57,329 --> 01:05:00,127 No more grovelling. 575 01:05:00,329 --> 01:05:02,445 We aren't gonna torch your city... 576 01:05:02,649 --> 01:05:06,164 ...or hang you in chains, nor rape your daughters. 577 01:05:07,649 --> 01:05:13,167 Tell them to divide their goods in half and we will choose which half we want. 578 01:05:17,409 --> 01:05:22,403 Henceforth, let the men of Er-Heb and the men of Bashkai be as brothers. 579 01:05:23,129 --> 01:05:24,642 Brothers in arms. 580 01:05:25,049 --> 01:05:29,839 Let them march under one banner and share in the victories to come. 581 01:05:35,569 --> 01:05:39,164 Have the Bashkai any enemies to speak of? 582 01:05:41,569 --> 01:05:43,400 Oh, enemies all around! 583 01:05:43,649 --> 01:05:46,925 Bhardoks, Ghundaras, Shus, Khawaks. 584 01:05:49,529 --> 01:05:54,000 The Bhardoks piss downstream on Bashkai people when they bathe. 585 01:05:54,249 --> 01:05:55,238 Shocking! 586 01:05:55,449 --> 01:05:58,566 We'll strike them and grind them into dust! 587 01:06:04,209 --> 01:06:07,360 Silver bracelet, 10 shillings. 588 01:06:07,569 --> 01:06:11,960 A good heavy necklace of the same, worth a fiver at least. 589 01:06:12,849 --> 01:06:15,158 Earring with bangles. 590 01:06:15,849 --> 01:06:19,159 One pig sticker with plain handle. 591 01:06:19,729 --> 01:06:22,960 A gold coin worn pretty thin. 592 01:06:24,569 --> 01:06:28,562 A rosy red ring and a few other ones, plain. 593 01:06:28,769 --> 01:06:32,478 All this should fetch 10 or 15 quid in a London shop. 594 01:06:32,689 --> 01:06:35,362 Not too bad for the back of beyond. 595 01:06:36,209 --> 01:06:38,006 Sikander! 596 01:06:38,249 --> 01:06:40,558 They're calling for you. 597 01:06:41,929 --> 01:06:43,760 For me? 598 01:07:04,409 --> 01:07:07,685 Sikander. Sikander. 599 01:07:07,929 --> 01:07:10,568 What does Sikander mean, Billy? 600 01:07:10,849 --> 01:07:14,558 Sikander a god. Come here long ago f rom the West. 601 01:07:14,769 --> 01:07:17,806 That's the bloke Kipling told us about. 602 01:07:18,049 --> 01:07:19,402 Alexander? 603 01:07:19,649 --> 01:07:21,128 Alexander. Sikander. 604 01:07:22,129 --> 01:07:23,562 Here. 605 01:07:23,769 --> 01:07:26,602 -Alexander. -He builded great city. 606 01:07:26,809 --> 01:07:30,484 Sikandergul, high in mountains. Sit on throne. 607 01:07:30,729 --> 01:07:32,367 All people worship him. 608 01:07:32,569 --> 01:07:36,562 Then one day, time comes, he say he must go to East. 609 01:07:36,769 --> 01:07:39,567 People pull their hair out, tear clothes. 610 01:07:39,769 --> 01:07:43,364 So Sikander promised to send back son. 611 01:07:43,609 --> 01:07:46,919 328 B.C., encyclopaedia said. 612 01:07:47,929 --> 01:07:52,957 They saw arrow go into Danny's chest, him pluck it out, and not bleeding. 613 01:07:54,329 --> 01:07:55,398 So? 614 01:07:55,609 --> 01:07:59,158 So, son of Sikander. 615 01:07:59,569 --> 01:08:01,161 They think l'm a god? 616 01:08:04,569 --> 01:08:08,926 A god! Put your foot out that l may kiss your big toe. 617 01:08:09,609 --> 01:08:13,079 -You may kiss my royal arse. -Not royal, holy! 618 01:08:13,329 --> 01:08:15,763 -You're a deity, remember? -Peachy. 619 01:08:15,969 --> 01:08:19,598 -Yes, Billy? -ls Danny not son of Sikander? 620 01:08:19,849 --> 01:08:24,479 No, he's a man like us. He can break wind at both ends simultaneous. 621 01:08:24,689 --> 01:08:27,408 Which l bet is more than any god can do! 622 01:08:27,609 --> 01:08:29,565 But the arrow. 623 01:08:31,009 --> 01:08:34,081 The arrow stuck in the bandolier. No miracle. 624 01:08:34,289 --> 01:08:39,079 You better tell them. And my dad's name was Herbert Dravot, Esquire... 625 01:08:39,329 --> 01:08:42,002 ...and he was a bar steward in Durham! 626 01:08:42,249 --> 01:08:43,648 Hang on, Danny. 627 01:08:54,649 --> 01:08:57,641 -Maybe we're missing a bet. -What do you mean? 628 01:08:57,849 --> 01:09:00,409 Supposing you was an ignorant Kafiri... 629 01:09:00,609 --> 01:09:03,760 ...who would you rather follow, a god or a man? 630 01:09:04,129 --> 01:09:07,758 Now, we're here to conquer this country, ain't we? 631 01:09:08,009 --> 01:09:13,083 Well, with you as a god, it would take half the time and half the trouble. 632 01:09:13,289 --> 01:09:16,167 The idea is a bit blasphemous like. 633 01:09:16,369 --> 01:09:17,404 No, Danny... 634 01:09:17,649 --> 01:09:22,359 ...blaspheming is when you take his name in vain... 635 01:09:23,449 --> 01:09:25,360 ...God Almighty's. 636 01:09:26,209 --> 01:09:29,281 What if they found out we was having them on? 637 01:09:29,489 --> 01:09:31,081 Why should they? 638 01:09:31,329 --> 01:09:33,559 We won't tell them. 639 01:09:36,449 --> 01:09:41,239 -You won't tell them, will you, Billy? -Oh, no. lndeed, by Jove, no. 640 01:09:47,569 --> 01:09:49,366 Polo. 641 01:09:50,169 --> 01:09:51,966 Polo. 642 01:10:14,209 --> 01:10:17,281 Er-Heb and Bashkai celebrate new brotherhood. 643 01:10:17,489 --> 01:10:19,639 -With whose head? -Ootah's. 644 01:10:31,569 --> 01:10:36,359 We marched and fought and took more villages. Our ranks swelled. 645 01:10:36,569 --> 01:10:41,563 They were well trained, but with Danny at their head, Sikander the Second... 646 01:10:41,769 --> 01:10:43,566 ... they were also inspired. 647 01:11:58,569 --> 01:12:01,402 Sikander! Sikander! 648 01:12:04,169 --> 01:12:07,957 After half a dozen victories, his fame was such... 649 01:12:08,169 --> 01:12:11,605 ... that the fighting stopped. We was met with gifts... 650 01:12:11,849 --> 01:12:16,047 ...and bevies of maidens who danced and threw flowers. 651 01:12:56,449 --> 01:12:57,962 Girl. 652 01:13:14,609 --> 01:13:17,487 Venus de Milo in the flesh, if flesh it is... 653 01:13:17,689 --> 01:13:20,203 ...and not Guinness and champagne. Billy... 654 01:13:20,449 --> 01:13:23,361 ...tell her to stand up and turn around. 655 01:13:32,569 --> 01:13:34,958 Just gazing, Peachy. Just gazing. 656 01:13:36,769 --> 01:13:39,408 Just enjoying beauty for its own sake. 657 01:13:39,609 --> 01:13:43,602 Being only human, one thing leads to another. 658 01:13:43,849 --> 01:13:48,400 Give her a hat with a feather, and no girl in Brighton on bank holiday... 659 01:13:48,609 --> 01:13:50,565 ...could hold a candle to her. 660 01:13:51,129 --> 01:13:52,881 l must admit... 661 01:13:53,129 --> 01:13:55,438 ...she really is an eyef ul. 662 01:13:57,249 --> 01:13:59,365 What's your name, girl? 663 01:14:01,049 --> 01:14:03,085 -Roxanne. -Roxanne. 664 01:14:03,329 --> 01:14:04,557 Here. 665 01:14:04,769 --> 01:14:08,478 Wasn't that the name of the princess Alexander married? 666 01:14:08,689 --> 01:14:10,361 lt was that. 667 01:14:17,649 --> 01:14:19,765 Hold your head up. 668 01:14:28,929 --> 01:14:30,647 -Girl af raid. -Of what? 669 01:14:31,249 --> 01:14:35,128 lf god takes a girl, she catches fire and go up in smoke. 670 01:14:35,329 --> 01:14:38,765 -They do what? -God's heart, a burning torch. 671 01:14:39,009 --> 01:14:44,686 His veins run fire, not blood. lf god makes love to girl she goes: 672 01:14:45,049 --> 01:14:46,402 ln one flash. 673 01:14:46,649 --> 01:14:48,048 Not even ashes left. 674 01:14:48,249 --> 01:14:51,002 l bet a jealous goddess made that up. 675 01:15:13,449 --> 01:15:15,599 They come f rom Sikandergul... 676 01:15:15,849 --> 01:15:18,886 ...with a message for son of Sikander. 677 01:15:19,809 --> 01:15:23,404 They're looking at him, if they opened their eyes. 678 01:15:28,649 --> 01:15:31,083 -The message's f rom Kaf u Selim. -Who? 679 01:15:31,329 --> 01:15:34,241 Kaf u Selim, high priest of Kafiristan. 680 01:15:37,249 --> 01:15:39,444 What's the message? 681 01:15:41,649 --> 01:15:43,958 Kaf u Selim says come. 682 01:15:44,249 --> 01:15:46,160 Come? 683 01:15:46,569 --> 01:15:49,208 -ls that all? -That's all, just come. 684 01:15:49,449 --> 01:15:51,804 Doesn't waste words, does he? 685 01:15:52,009 --> 01:15:56,480 Tell him we appreciate the invitation. We'll avail ourselves of it... 686 01:15:56,689 --> 01:15:59,647 -...one of these days. -No. Come means '' now.'' 687 01:16:02,449 --> 01:16:04,963 What does he want to see us about? 688 01:16:05,209 --> 01:16:07,359 He just says come. 689 01:16:07,569 --> 01:16:09,002 l see. 690 01:16:09,249 --> 01:16:14,323 All right, tell him to stand by and the army will be ready by first light. 691 01:16:20,449 --> 01:16:23,600 He says, '' No! You come alone, him and you.'' 692 01:16:23,849 --> 01:16:25,487 Without the army? 693 01:16:25,729 --> 01:16:31,167 Tell him Peachy and me don't go anywhere without the army goes with us. 694 01:16:31,369 --> 01:16:33,360 Shut up, Danny. 695 01:16:35,169 --> 01:16:36,761 We have to go. 696 01:16:36,969 --> 01:16:38,448 Have you gone starky? 697 01:16:38,649 --> 01:16:43,962 Keep your voice down and put a smile on your face, we've got an audience. 698 01:16:44,209 --> 01:16:48,805 We'd be stone bonkers to walk into a strange city by our lonesomes. 699 01:16:49,649 --> 01:16:53,039 Either we do what they say or pull stumps and run. 700 01:16:53,249 --> 01:16:57,401 Make a beeline for the mountains and never look back. 701 01:16:57,649 --> 01:17:00,766 Run? Not bloody likely. Run f rom them? 702 01:17:01,009 --> 01:17:02,203 No... 703 01:17:02,449 --> 01:17:05,805 ...f rom our blokes. We're over a barrel, Danny. 704 01:17:06,049 --> 01:17:10,759 lf we back away f rom a meeting with old Kaf u Selim, we'll lose face... 705 01:17:10,969 --> 01:17:14,962 ...and that is the one thing a god cannot afford. 706 01:17:15,609 --> 01:17:17,361 What to do? 707 01:17:17,809 --> 01:17:19,367 Bluff it out. 708 01:17:19,569 --> 01:17:23,960 Polish our buttons, stuff ramrods up our jacksies and look bold. 709 01:17:24,169 --> 01:17:28,959 Like we did when we were on charges for drunk and resisting the guard. 710 01:18:17,009 --> 01:18:20,285 -Sikandergul. -God's holy trousers! 711 01:18:55,169 --> 01:18:58,161 No weapons allowed in Holy City. 712 01:20:19,129 --> 01:20:20,403 All right... 713 01:20:20,649 --> 01:20:22,560 ...you got us here. 714 01:20:23,049 --> 01:20:24,960 Now what? 715 01:20:30,609 --> 01:20:32,964 Where's your high panjandrum? 716 01:20:51,369 --> 01:20:54,805 Afternoon, Your Reverence. You wanted to see me? 717 01:21:07,929 --> 01:21:11,763 Tell him he can keep it. l'm making him a present of it. 718 01:21:20,369 --> 01:21:23,679 -What did he say? -He say, '' Now we shall see.'' 719 01:21:29,449 --> 01:21:31,963 You mortals wait down there. 720 01:21:57,049 --> 01:22:00,359 Tell them to take their paws off me double quick... 721 01:22:00,569 --> 01:22:04,448 ...or l'll have their guts for garters! l'll pluck your livers... 722 01:22:04,649 --> 01:22:06,958 ...and feed them to the kites! 723 01:22:07,209 --> 01:22:11,805 How dare you lay your hands on me, Daniel Dravot, Esquire! 724 01:22:15,849 --> 01:22:18,158 Sikander! 725 01:22:48,729 --> 01:22:51,163 Now what the bleeding hell? 726 01:22:51,929 --> 01:22:54,727 One minute he's about to cut my heart out... 727 01:22:54,929 --> 01:22:57,238 ...next minute he's flat on his face! 728 01:22:57,449 --> 01:22:59,405 He saw that... 729 01:23:00,129 --> 01:23:04,202 -...and dropped like he was poleax ed! -What do you make of it? 730 01:23:05,049 --> 01:23:08,166 He says that is mark of Sikander. 731 01:23:38,849 --> 01:23:40,077 They're Masons! 732 01:23:40,729 --> 01:23:45,120 By the square, level, plumb rule, compasses, the all-seeing eye! 733 01:23:45,329 --> 01:23:46,762 The craft, Danny! 734 01:23:47,129 --> 01:23:50,041 -That's what saved us. -Blimey. 735 01:23:53,969 --> 01:23:56,961 Only highest priest knows about this sign... 736 01:23:57,169 --> 01:23:59,888 ...put in stone long ago by Sikander. 737 01:24:00,049 --> 01:24:04,122 Now, Kaf u Selim rejoicing at the coming of his son. 738 01:28:04,969 --> 01:28:07,358 lt ain't brass, Danny. 739 01:28:33,849 --> 01:28:38,365 -Sikander? -Belonged to him, now son of Sikander's. 740 01:28:46,809 --> 01:28:48,322 These here... 741 01:28:48,489 --> 01:28:53,483 ...make jewels in the Tower of London look like cheap family heirlooms. 742 01:29:03,049 --> 01:29:05,688 God's holy trousers! 743 01:29:12,089 --> 01:29:15,047 Look at the size of that ruby! 744 01:29:21,049 --> 01:29:23,609 There's a bigger one. 745 01:29:24,169 --> 01:29:25,761 Why, Danny... 746 01:29:25,929 --> 01:29:31,526 ...we only have to fill our pockets and walk out of here to be millionaires. 747 01:29:31,689 --> 01:29:35,602 And all of it, all... 748 01:29:35,769 --> 01:29:38,966 ...would make us the two richest men in England! 749 01:29:39,129 --> 01:29:41,723 -The empire. -The world. 750 01:29:44,409 --> 01:29:47,082 But will they let us take it? 751 01:29:47,249 --> 01:29:49,717 Take it away, l mean. 752 01:29:52,369 --> 01:29:54,929 Ask him, Billy. 753 01:30:03,129 --> 01:30:07,600 He says, belong to son of Sikander. Can do with it what he likes. 754 01:30:07,769 --> 01:30:10,408 Leave it here, take away, no matter. 755 01:30:10,569 --> 01:30:13,037 His will be done. 756 01:30:13,809 --> 01:30:19,167 We've mules enough, and riflemen to guard them when the time comes. 757 01:30:19,329 --> 01:30:21,206 What month is it? 758 01:30:21,369 --> 01:30:22,722 January, l make it... 759 01:30:22,889 --> 01:30:27,087 ...or maybe February. March, April, May, June... 760 01:30:27,249 --> 01:30:30,958 ...four months of winter monsoon, then.... 761 01:30:31,129 --> 01:30:33,848 Four long months! 762 01:30:34,009 --> 01:30:36,318 What'll we do with the time? 763 01:30:36,489 --> 01:30:38,957 Add up our blessings here... 764 01:30:39,129 --> 01:30:41,165 ...divide them by two... 765 01:30:41,329 --> 01:30:43,923 ...not forgetting you, Billy. 766 01:30:44,889 --> 01:30:48,484 And multiply that by the years we got left. 767 01:30:50,129 --> 01:30:51,801 Tell His Reverence... 768 01:30:51,969 --> 01:30:57,282 ...he has my thanks for discharging his trust so correctly... 769 01:30:57,449 --> 01:31:00,043 ...and delivering to me what is mine. 770 01:31:02,649 --> 01:31:07,279 And tell him l'm also gratef ul to all them other holy men... 771 01:31:07,449 --> 01:31:10,998 ...who waited for me, f rom one generation to another... 772 01:31:11,169 --> 01:31:16,482 ...down the centuries to this present day and fortuitous occasion. 773 01:31:26,689 --> 01:31:32,002 My lord, these people are f rom village of Kamdesh. 774 01:31:32,169 --> 01:31:36,321 This man owns 60 cows. All cows in the village. 775 01:31:36,649 --> 01:31:42,565 -Very enterprising of him. -Enterprise is not his, it is hers. 776 01:31:42,729 --> 01:31:46,563 She's his wife. Every time he catches her with other man... 777 01:31:46,729 --> 01:31:49,960 ...other man has to pay six cows. Kafiri custom. 778 01:31:50,249 --> 01:31:53,366 Use other man's wife, pay him six cows. 779 01:31:53,529 --> 01:31:56,202 He's piled up a fortune of 60 cows... 780 01:31:56,369 --> 01:31:59,441 -...out of her infidelities? -And 32 goats. 781 01:32:01,209 --> 01:32:04,997 She ain't a wife. She's a going concern! 782 01:32:06,369 --> 01:32:10,965 And these are the unfaithf ul husbands and these the wives? 783 01:32:11,129 --> 01:32:15,998 Those four, wives of one man. These three, wives of another. 784 01:32:17,809 --> 01:32:20,243 This ain't no laughing matter! 785 01:32:20,409 --> 01:32:24,607 No cattle, there ain't meat nor hides. No milk, there ain't... 786 01:32:24,769 --> 01:32:28,284 ...butter or cheese and the children's bowls go empty. 787 01:32:28,449 --> 01:32:30,963 Outrageous, it is! 788 01:32:31,129 --> 01:32:34,007 Now.... 789 01:32:34,169 --> 01:32:38,003 For encouraging his wife to comport herself like Jezebel... 790 01:32:38,169 --> 01:32:42,208 ...one cow shall be paid each of the other wives. 791 01:32:42,369 --> 01:32:45,486 For using a good law for a bad purpose, another. 792 01:32:45,649 --> 01:32:49,119 For causing the young to go without, a third. 793 01:32:49,729 --> 01:32:52,926 For thinking he can get away with it, a fourth. 794 01:32:53,089 --> 01:32:58,402 He shall pay 22 cases of compensation of four cows to each wife. 795 01:32:58,569 --> 01:33:01,402 Which means, she's got... 796 01:33:04,009 --> 01:33:07,763 -Fourteen and two-thirds. -...more infidelities to commit... 797 01:33:07,929 --> 01:33:10,204 ...to come out even. 798 01:33:10,369 --> 01:33:15,841 Let's see how he likes it when she earns cows for others. Next case. 799 01:33:34,729 --> 01:33:36,959 -What's the charge? -No charge. 800 01:33:37,129 --> 01:33:40,326 This chief f rom Agatsi which village have fire... 801 01:33:40,489 --> 01:33:44,368 ...and supply of grains go up in smoke. He want permission... 802 01:33:44,529 --> 01:33:47,646 ...to raid another village for to steal grain. 803 01:33:47,809 --> 01:33:52,405 They don't have to raid and they won't starve. Make a proclamation. 804 01:33:52,569 --> 01:33:55,800 -What number is it? -Thirty-one, my lord. 805 01:33:55,969 --> 01:33:59,484 Each village will bring one-tenth of its crop here... 806 01:33:59,649 --> 01:34:03,927 ...to my royal city of Sikandergul where same will be stored. 807 01:34:04,089 --> 01:34:07,764 Henceforth, any village suffering f rom privation... 808 01:34:08,209 --> 01:34:11,884 ...shall have grain issued in accordance with its needs. 809 01:34:12,169 --> 01:34:15,241 l now pronounce this law enacted. Selah. 810 01:34:15,409 --> 01:34:17,923 l pronounce a recess in this durbar. 811 01:34:18,089 --> 01:34:20,284 -Yes, my lord. -Peachy. 812 01:34:25,209 --> 01:34:28,997 lf we're gonna make it stick that l'm a god... 813 01:34:29,169 --> 01:34:34,004 ...you ought to bow when you pass in f ront of me like everybody else. 814 01:34:36,569 --> 01:34:38,685 -All right, Danny. -Understand? 815 01:34:38,849 --> 01:34:42,080 -For appearances' sake. -Yeah. 816 01:34:42,249 --> 01:34:47,039 -No offense? -No, no, of course not, Danny. 817 01:34:54,849 --> 01:34:57,921 You have to take your hat off to Daniel Dravot. 818 01:34:58,089 --> 01:35:01,479 He dealt out justice as though he wrote the book. 819 01:35:02,689 --> 01:35:08,127 Peachy was general of his armies, but there was no more battles to fight. 820 01:35:08,289 --> 01:35:13,522 Danny had him build a bridge that would span the chasm below the Holy City. 821 01:35:13,689 --> 01:35:18,205 It'd help keep Peachy occupied until the spring came. 822 01:35:37,449 --> 01:35:41,567 Look, Danny, the geese. Skeins of them flying north. 823 01:35:41,729 --> 01:35:46,359 A fortnight and the pass will open. What we ought to do is make camp... 824 01:35:46,529 --> 01:35:50,204 ...high up on the mountain and wait on the weather. 825 01:35:57,889 --> 01:36:01,245 -l ain't going, Peachy. -What? 826 01:36:03,329 --> 01:36:06,560 -You heard me. -Not going? 827 01:36:06,729 --> 01:36:08,401 Correct. 828 01:36:08,569 --> 01:36:11,242 Have you gone barmy? 829 01:36:11,729 --> 01:36:15,483 No, l ain't been drinking neither. 830 01:36:17,289 --> 01:36:19,757 l see things clear. 831 01:36:20,609 --> 01:36:23,965 lt's like bandages have been removed f rom my eyes. 832 01:36:26,929 --> 01:36:30,239 Have you ever walked into a strange room... 833 01:36:30,849 --> 01:36:33,966 ...and it's like you've been there before? 834 01:36:34,809 --> 01:36:37,801 -l know what you mean. -Let me tell you something. 835 01:36:37,969 --> 01:36:41,598 This isn't the first time l've worn a crown. 836 01:36:42,689 --> 01:36:45,726 There's more to this than meets the eye. 837 01:36:45,889 --> 01:36:47,925 lt all adds up. 838 01:36:48,089 --> 01:36:49,886 What does? 839 01:36:50,049 --> 01:36:55,203 Everything that's happened f rom the time we decided to come here. 840 01:36:55,369 --> 01:36:57,678 No, before that... 841 01:36:57,849 --> 01:37:01,637 ...beginning with your taking Brother Kipling's watch. 842 01:37:02,489 --> 01:37:07,643 More than chance has been at work here. More than mere chance. 843 01:37:07,809 --> 01:37:10,528 Why his watch and not somebody else's? 844 01:37:10,689 --> 01:37:13,487 And what made him give me the emblem? 845 01:37:13,649 --> 01:37:15,879 One thing after the other. 846 01:37:16,049 --> 01:37:19,086 The avalanche, the arrow... 847 01:37:19,249 --> 01:37:21,240 ...the mark on the stone... 848 01:37:21,409 --> 01:37:26,563 -...not to mention another Roxanne. -Roxanne? The Venus de Milo? 849 01:37:26,729 --> 01:37:28,685 The same. 850 01:37:28,849 --> 01:37:33,604 One more thing is needf ul for my destiny to be f ulfilled. 851 01:37:33,769 --> 01:37:37,000 -l take her to wife. -Leave the women alone. 852 01:37:37,169 --> 01:37:39,478 Who's talking women? l said wife. 853 01:37:39,889 --> 01:37:43,404 -A queen to breed a king's son. -And the contract? 854 01:37:43,569 --> 01:37:48,359 The contract lasted until we was kings, and king l've been for months! 855 01:37:48,529 --> 01:37:54,047 The first king since Alexander, the first to wear his crown in 2200 and... 856 01:37:54,369 --> 01:37:57,042 -14. -...14 years! 857 01:37:57,209 --> 01:37:59,279 Him... 858 01:37:59,449 --> 01:38:01,644 ...and now me! 859 01:38:03,689 --> 01:38:06,408 They call me his son and l am... 860 01:38:06,569 --> 01:38:09,322 ...in spirit anyway. 861 01:38:09,489 --> 01:38:12,367 lt's a hugeous responsibility. 862 01:38:12,529 --> 01:38:17,000 The bridge is the first of many. They'll tie the country together. 863 01:38:17,169 --> 01:38:21,128 A nation l shall make of it with an anthem and a flag. 864 01:38:21,289 --> 01:38:25,521 l shall treat on equal terms the viceroy and other kings and princes. 865 01:38:25,689 --> 01:38:30,638 When l've accomplished what l set out to do, l'll stand before the queen... 866 01:38:30,809 --> 01:38:35,963 ...not kneel, mind you, but stand like an equal and she'll say: 867 01:38:36,129 --> 01:38:42,398 '' Please accept the Order of the Garter as a mark of my esteem, cousin.'' 868 01:38:42,569 --> 01:38:48,041 She'll pin it on me herself. lt's big. l tell you, it's big! 869 01:38:48,209 --> 01:38:51,679 And l tell you, you need a physic! 870 01:38:52,249 --> 01:38:54,205 l'm fair disappointed in you. 871 01:38:54,369 --> 01:38:57,805 You, who followed me and helped make me what l am. 872 01:38:57,969 --> 01:39:02,645 Followed you, me? Who had hold of the mule's tail, tell me that? 873 01:39:02,809 --> 01:39:05,198 The jenny also done her bit. 874 01:39:05,369 --> 01:39:10,318 Danny! We've had this rare streak of luck. Let's quit winners for once. 875 01:39:10,489 --> 01:39:15,847 -Cut and run while the running's good. -You call it luck. l call it destiny. 876 01:39:16,009 --> 01:39:21,129 Ha, ha! Pardon me while l fall down laughing. 877 01:39:22,129 --> 01:39:26,645 Whatever you may think and however you may feel, l'm a king and you're a subject! 878 01:39:26,849 --> 01:39:30,046 So don't you provoke me, Peachy Carnehan! 879 01:39:30,209 --> 01:39:31,642 Or you'll do what? 880 01:39:31,809 --> 01:39:35,688 You've got me trembling in my boots here! What'll you do? 881 01:39:38,889 --> 01:39:43,485 -You have permission to bugger off! -l will, with or without your... 882 01:39:43,649 --> 01:39:46,243 ...bleeding permission! 883 01:39:48,089 --> 01:39:51,843 And may you rot in hell, Daniel Dravot! 884 01:39:52,569 --> 01:39:57,802 From Sikander the First to the Second was a long time between kings... 885 01:39:57,969 --> 01:40:01,598 ...and a country needs a king like a king needs a crown. 886 01:40:01,769 --> 01:40:04,363 One is the glory of the other. 887 01:40:04,529 --> 01:40:10,081 Therefore, l shall leave a son behind who will in turn beget other sons... 888 01:40:10,249 --> 01:40:16,484 ...so the succession will be unbroken and kings will be guaranteed forever. 889 01:40:17,049 --> 01:40:19,119 To which end... 890 01:40:19,289 --> 01:40:21,803 ...l have chosen a wife. 891 01:40:22,129 --> 01:40:24,768 Roxanne of Khawak. 892 01:40:43,929 --> 01:40:47,365 Let her be brought here attended by her family. 893 01:40:47,529 --> 01:40:50,805 l want flowers strewed along her way. 894 01:40:50,969 --> 01:40:55,281 The wedding ceremony will be surrounded by pomp and circumstance! 895 01:40:55,449 --> 01:41:01,126 Let messengers be sent forth and summon my people f rom near and far. 896 01:41:01,569 --> 01:41:03,799 Selah. 897 01:41:21,609 --> 01:41:23,327 What are they saying? 898 01:41:23,489 --> 01:41:26,925 How can daughters of men marry gods or devils? 899 01:41:27,409 --> 01:41:30,446 -A god can do anything. -But it is not proper. 900 01:41:30,609 --> 01:41:34,204 -Who says it isn't? -All the priests. 901 01:41:37,409 --> 01:41:40,924 Would they put their word against that of a god? 902 01:41:44,409 --> 01:41:46,764 They say let lmbra decide. 903 01:41:47,649 --> 01:41:49,799 lmbra is highest god of all. 904 01:41:50,649 --> 01:41:54,085 And what if lmbra should hold against me? 905 01:41:54,249 --> 01:41:56,524 What'll they do about it? 906 01:41:57,409 --> 01:41:59,365 Am l a dog or a god? 907 01:41:59,529 --> 01:42:03,488 Haven't l put the shadow of my hand over this country? 908 01:42:05,369 --> 01:42:07,803 Do as l say! Send for the girl! 909 01:42:07,969 --> 01:42:10,608 Tell them that's an order! 910 01:42:32,769 --> 01:42:37,126 -Well, Billy, what's going on? -Signs very bad, Peachy. 911 01:42:37,289 --> 01:42:42,283 Priests open up birds, green inside and stinking horrid. lmbra very angry. 912 01:42:42,449 --> 01:42:47,000 They probably cut the spleen. The green's only bile. 913 01:42:47,169 --> 01:42:52,687 Don't worry, Billy, the girl won't go up in smoke. l'll guarantee you that. 914 01:42:52,849 --> 01:42:56,444 Girl don't matter. Many girls here, no difference. 915 01:42:56,609 --> 01:42:58,520 Few girls more or less... 916 01:42:58,689 --> 01:43:04,719 ...but cows now, they dry up and goats throw babies too soon. 917 01:43:04,889 --> 01:43:07,244 And corn do not ripen. 918 01:43:07,409 --> 01:43:08,808 Everybody go hungry. 919 01:43:08,969 --> 01:43:15,408 Now, Billy, you know as well as l do that Dravot's no god. 920 01:43:15,569 --> 01:43:17,605 He told you about the arrow. 921 01:43:17,769 --> 01:43:21,318 But then, priests must be mistaken about lmbra. 922 01:43:21,489 --> 01:43:23,878 He not angry because... 923 01:43:24,049 --> 01:43:27,837 ...god marrying a mortal but because son of man... 924 01:43:28,009 --> 01:43:30,967 ...pretend to be a god. 925 01:45:07,289 --> 01:45:09,849 Roxanne, don't be af raid... 926 01:45:10,089 --> 01:45:12,000 ...l wouldn't harm you. 927 01:45:12,889 --> 01:45:17,041 When the time comes, you'll catch fire, l warrant. 928 01:45:17,289 --> 01:45:20,520 All women should when their husbands hold them. 929 01:45:20,689 --> 01:45:24,443 But you won't perish, girl, l promise you that. 930 01:46:47,289 --> 01:46:48,961 Well, Danny... 931 01:46:49,169 --> 01:46:52,400 ...the time has come, as the saying goes. 932 01:46:52,649 --> 01:46:54,002 When do you leave? 933 01:46:54,249 --> 01:46:56,205 At first light. 934 01:46:56,369 --> 01:47:00,920 l thought you might look in the box es before l nail them shut. 935 01:47:01,089 --> 01:47:04,161 -See what l'm taking. -Take what you like. 936 01:47:04,329 --> 01:47:09,005 l weighed the gold out, pound for pound. The gems, ounce for ounce. 937 01:47:09,169 --> 01:47:10,204 Right. 938 01:47:12,249 --> 01:47:15,047 l'll only need half the mules we planned. 939 01:47:15,289 --> 01:47:19,840 l'd like to take 20 riflemen to be safe through the Khyber Pass. 940 01:47:20,089 --> 01:47:23,001 Take them. Take them. 941 01:47:29,649 --> 01:47:32,004 God's holy trousers! 942 01:47:35,889 --> 01:47:38,005 What is that? 943 01:47:42,689 --> 01:47:44,998 They're savages here, one and all. 944 01:47:45,209 --> 01:47:49,760 Leave them to slaughtering babies, playing stick-and-ball with heads... 945 01:47:49,929 --> 01:47:52,204 ...and pissing on their neighbours. 946 01:47:55,809 --> 01:47:57,401 Please, Danny... 947 01:47:59,089 --> 01:48:02,399 ...for the last time of asking... 948 01:48:02,609 --> 01:48:04,406 ...come back with me. 949 01:48:05,129 --> 01:48:07,802 For the last time of answering, l won't. 950 01:48:08,689 --> 01:48:12,284 l know you've got my best interest at heart... 951 01:48:12,449 --> 01:48:14,724 ...but the choice has been made. 952 01:48:14,969 --> 01:48:18,200 Well, l'll be seeing you, then? 953 01:48:18,569 --> 01:48:21,003 ln London maybe... 954 01:48:22,929 --> 01:48:26,478 ...when the queen gives you the Order of the Garter. 955 01:48:35,409 --> 01:48:37,525 -Peachy. -Yes, Danny? 956 01:48:37,689 --> 01:48:39,566 l'll be married midmorning. 957 01:48:39,889 --> 01:48:42,801 Could you not wait and leave afterwards? 958 01:48:42,969 --> 01:48:45,802 See me up the aisle for old times' sake? 959 01:48:47,449 --> 01:48:49,201 lf you like. 960 01:50:56,049 --> 01:50:58,005 Peachy, the ring. 961 01:51:02,689 --> 01:51:05,840 l, Sikander the Second, hereby take thee... 962 01:51:06,009 --> 01:51:08,887 ...Roxanne, to be my lawf ul wedded wife... 963 01:51:09,489 --> 01:51:14,199 ...and queen of Kafiristan. Selah. 964 01:51:31,489 --> 01:51:33,400 She bit me! 965 01:51:36,569 --> 01:51:38,685 The slut bit me! 966 01:52:03,409 --> 01:52:04,808 What's he saying? 967 01:52:05,009 --> 01:52:09,844 Danny's bleeding, they know! He says, '' Not god, not devil, but man!'' 968 01:52:10,009 --> 01:52:12,762 They've twigged it, Danny. You've had it! 969 01:52:16,409 --> 01:52:17,444 The jig's up! 970 01:52:17,609 --> 01:52:20,203 -l, Sikander-- -For God's sake! 971 01:52:23,449 --> 01:52:28,204 We've got to brass it out, Danny. Danny, brass it out! 972 01:52:35,449 --> 01:52:37,599 Bags of swank. 973 01:53:13,369 --> 01:53:17,647 We'll get your riflemen and come back and slaughter the dogs! 974 01:53:26,889 --> 01:53:31,041 A drenching in their own blood we'll give them! Prepare to advance! 975 01:53:31,209 --> 01:53:34,201 Too many for that, Danny. Retire in sections. 976 01:53:34,369 --> 01:53:36,439 Retire? Retire be damned! 977 01:53:36,689 --> 01:53:38,805 We've gotta make a run for it! 978 01:53:41,889 --> 01:53:43,607 Front section... 979 01:53:44,409 --> 01:53:45,808 ...fire! 980 01:53:47,289 --> 01:53:48,802 Back! 981 01:53:50,209 --> 01:53:52,598 Front rank, fire! 982 01:53:55,009 --> 01:53:56,408 Break ranks! 983 01:55:40,849 --> 01:55:44,728 Mount the mule and ride! There's a chance you'll make it. 984 01:55:44,889 --> 01:55:47,119 Gurkha foot soldier, not cavalry. 985 01:55:47,369 --> 01:55:51,999 Rifleman Machendra Bahadur Gurung wishing you many good lucks. 986 01:56:19,769 --> 01:56:21,248 Out of bloody ammo! 987 01:56:21,489 --> 01:56:22,808 Me too! 988 01:56:42,889 --> 01:56:46,040 l'm heartily ashamed for getting you killed... 989 01:56:46,209 --> 01:56:48,769 ...instead of going home rich... 990 01:56:48,929 --> 01:56:53,320 ...on account of me being so bleeding high and bloody mighty! 991 01:56:53,569 --> 01:56:55,605 Can you forgive me? 992 01:56:57,489 --> 01:57:01,448 That l can, and that l do, Danny. 993 01:57:01,649 --> 01:57:05,801 Free and f ull and without let or hindrance. 994 01:57:05,969 --> 01:57:07,925 Everything's all right, then. 995 01:58:13,489 --> 01:58:15,798 Cut, you buggers, cut! 996 01:59:03,849 --> 01:59:08,843 And old Danny fell round and round and round and round... 997 01:59:09,089 --> 01:59:13,446 ...like a penny whirligig. Twenty thousand miles! 998 01:59:13,689 --> 01:59:19,446 lt took him half an hour to fall before he struck the rocks. 999 01:59:19,689 --> 01:59:23,398 And do you know what they did to Peachy? 1000 01:59:24,969 --> 01:59:27,403 They crucified him, sir... 1001 01:59:28,249 --> 01:59:30,809 ...between two pine trees... 1002 01:59:31,289 --> 01:59:35,168 ...as Peachy's hands will show. 1003 01:59:37,689 --> 01:59:40,806 Poor Peachy, who'd never done them any harm. 1004 01:59:41,049 --> 01:59:45,247 He just hung there and he screamed, but he didn't die. 1005 01:59:45,409 --> 01:59:48,242 The next day they came and took him down... 1006 01:59:48,409 --> 01:59:52,846 ...and said it's a miracle he wasn't dead and they let him go. 1007 01:59:54,489 --> 01:59:58,641 And Peachy come home in about a year... 1008 01:59:58,889 --> 02:00:02,802 ...and the mountains they tried to fall on old Peachy... 1009 02:00:03,049 --> 02:00:08,521 ...but he was quite safe because Daniel walked before him. 1010 02:00:10,089 --> 02:00:16,198 And Daniel never let go of Peachy's hand. 1011 02:00:17,569 --> 02:00:21,847 And Peachy never let go of Daniel's head. 1012 02:00:23,809 --> 02:00:25,367 His head? 1013 02:00:25,609 --> 02:00:27,406 You knew Danny, sir. 1014 02:00:27,569 --> 02:00:29,241 Oh, yes. 1015 02:00:30,089 --> 02:00:34,879 You knew most worshipf ul Brother... 1016 02:00:36,449 --> 02:00:38,804 ...Daniel Dravot, Esquire. 1017 02:00:39,769 --> 02:00:41,202 Well... 1018 02:00:42,009 --> 02:00:47,083 ...he became the king of Kafiristan... 1019 02:00:47,289 --> 02:00:50,838 ...with a crown on his head. 1020 02:00:51,009 --> 02:00:55,321 And that's all there is to tell. l'll be on my way now, sir. 1021 02:00:55,569 --> 02:00:58,402 l've got urgent business in the South. 1022 02:00:58,609 --> 02:01:01,999 l have to meet a man at Marwar Junction. 1023 02:03:17,009 --> 02:03:17,998 Ripped by thewildbunch22