1 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:35,334 Yo! 2 00:00:35,402 --> 00:00:37,461 Adrian! 3 00:00:38,938 --> 00:00:40,872 You know, I never-- 4 00:00:40,940 --> 00:00:44,000 One time with her-- and we still had a child... 5 00:00:44,077 --> 00:00:46,671 so it's a very religious movie, you know. 6 00:00:46,746 --> 00:00:49,408 It's the immaculate ejection. 7 00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:51,911 # 8 00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:54,749 # Ooh, ooh, Holly would 9 00:00:54,821 --> 00:00:56,789 # Ooh, ooh, íf Holly could 10 00:00:56,856 --> 00:00:59,290 # Ooh, ooh, Holly should 11 00:00:59,359 --> 00:01:01,418 # Go down on me 12 00:01:01,494 --> 00:01:03,758 # Ooh, ooh, Holly would 13 00:01:03,830 --> 00:01:06,162 # Ooh, ooh, íf Holly could 14 00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:08,666 # Ooh, ooh, Holly should 15 00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:10,635 # Go down on me 16 00:01:37,330 --> 00:01:41,164 #I looked up at the neon sky 17 00:01:41,234 --> 00:01:44,465 #I looked down at a bug passín'by 18 00:01:44,537 --> 00:01:48,166 #I couldn't help but look ín hís eye 19 00:01:48,241 --> 00:01:51,904 #But I turned away when he asked for a díme 20 00:01:51,978 --> 00:01:55,414 #I wandered down the sídewalk of the stars 21 00:01:55,482 --> 00:01:59,043 #I drank all níght ín alternatíve bars 22 00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,644 #Everybody had theír haír díed black 23 00:02:01,721 --> 00:02:06,215 #And some kínd of weírd tattoo on theír back 24 00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:08,089 #Here I am, here I am 25 00:02:08,161 --> 00:02:13,189 #I'm ín the míddle of La-La-Land 26 00:02:13,266 --> 00:02:15,530 # Yeah, here I am, here I am 27 00:02:15,602 --> 00:02:19,231 #I'm ín the míddle of La-La-Land 28 00:02:24,544 --> 00:02:28,173 # Thís ís the place they all warned me about 29 00:02:28,248 --> 00:02:31,809 #He'll be back just another burnout 30 00:02:31,885 --> 00:02:35,377 #I must admít the fascínatíon ís strong 31 00:02:35,455 --> 00:02:39,152 #I wonder how long tíll the glamour ís gone 32 00:02:39,225 --> 00:02:42,626 #I finally found a group of my peers 33 00:02:42,695 --> 00:02:46,324 # To celebrate I píerced my ears 34 00:02:46,399 --> 00:02:49,300 # Out here you know ít's kínd of expected 35 00:02:49,369 --> 00:02:53,237 #But ít hurt líke hell when ít got ínfected 36 00:02:53,306 --> 00:02:55,570 #Here I am, here I am 37 00:02:55,642 --> 00:02:59,635 #I'm ín the míddle of La-La-Land 38 00:02:59,712 --> 00:03:02,681 # Yeah, here I am, here I am 39 00:03:02,749 --> 00:03:06,845 #I'm ín the míddle of La-La-Land 40 00:03:08,121 --> 00:03:11,818 # They had a shoppíng cart conventíon 41 00:03:11,891 --> 00:03:15,486 #Man, they had everybody's attentíon 42 00:03:15,562 --> 00:03:18,258 # They're out on Híghland just a-walkín'the líne 43 00:03:18,331 --> 00:03:21,892 #And ít was mad dog, mad dog Out of theír mínd 44 00:03:21,968 --> 00:03:27,804 # You know that mad dog, mad dog had 'em out of theír mínd 45 00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:44,015 #La la la la la la la la la 46 00:03:44,090 --> 00:03:47,992 #La-La-Land 47 00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:51,360 #La la la la la la la la la 48 00:03:51,431 --> 00:03:55,367 #La-La-Land 49 00:03:55,435 --> 00:03:58,529 #La la la la la la la la la 50 00:03:58,605 --> 00:04:02,097 #La-La-Land 51 00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:06,703 # Whoa La-La-Land 52 00:04:21,394 --> 00:04:24,488 # Car alarms and cops ín the sky 53 00:04:24,564 --> 00:04:28,022 # Grídlock out on the 405 54 00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:31,593 #Sometímes ít seems just líke a battle zone 55 00:04:31,671 --> 00:04:35,368 #But I'm makíng tríple what I díd back home 56 00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:38,877 # Thís ís a town ofhate and hope 57 00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:42,540 #It can send you to the end of your rope 58 00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:45,345 # You must stay conscíous of what you're dreamín' 59 00:04:45,418 --> 00:04:47,283 # 'Cause there's all kínds of ways 60 00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:49,287 # You can end up swíngín' 61 00:04:49,355 --> 00:04:51,721 #Here I am, here I am 62 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:55,659 #I'm ín the míddle of La-La-Land 63 00:04:55,728 --> 00:04:58,856 # Yeah, here I am, here I am 64 00:04:58,931 --> 00:05:03,027 #I'm ín the míddle of La-La-Land 65 00:05:03,102 --> 00:05:05,036 [ Stallone ] I'm gonna kíll somebody íf there's a haír on the lens... 66 00:05:05,104 --> 00:05:07,038 'cause I don't have all day to do thís. 67 00:05:07,106 --> 00:05:09,404 [ Whoopí Goldberg ] Oh, chíll out.! Chíll out.! 68 00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:13,275 Don't fuck with me. 69 00:05:13,346 --> 00:05:15,280 Don't fuck with me. 70 00:05:15,348 --> 00:05:17,282 Don't fuck with me. 71 00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:21,549 [ Together] Don't fuck with us! 72 00:05:21,621 --> 00:05:25,113 - Cut! - [ Crew Cheering, Applauding ] 73 00:05:25,191 --> 00:05:27,386 Nice one, nice one. Star-fuckin'-power! 74 00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:30,725 - You like it,Jamie? - That was so great! That's star-fuckin'-power! 75 00:05:30,797 --> 00:05:33,561 - You sure? Beautiful. If you like it, I like it. - It's gonna blow everyone away! 76 00:05:33,633 --> 00:05:36,693 - Shall we do it again then? - What are you talkin' about? 77 00:05:36,769 --> 00:05:39,260 - They nailed it! - Did they? 78 00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:42,069 - Uh,just one more, please. - Did you nail it or not? 79 00:05:43,109 --> 00:05:45,043 - Nailed it! - Honey, it's done. 80 00:05:45,111 --> 00:05:50,515 - Print it, Alan. - Are you quite certain? I think it can be better. 81 00:05:50,583 --> 00:05:55,043 - Please. - Better? James, why don't you talk to this idiot? 82 00:05:55,121 --> 00:05:57,385 I hired you. Don't fuck with me! 83 00:05:57,457 --> 00:06:01,757 If you don't get that camera out of my face, I'm gonna Sean Penn your ass.! 84 00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:05,228 #[ Cartoon Musíc Playíng ] 85 00:06:18,077 --> 00:06:20,011 Don't fuck with me. 86 00:06:20,079 --> 00:06:22,639 [ Bystanders Screaming ] 87 00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:24,808 Don't fuck with me. 88 00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:28,513 [ Bystanders Screaming ] 89 00:06:31,491 --> 00:06:33,482 Don't fuck with me. 90 00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:40,322 [ Together] Don't fuck with us! 91 00:06:54,647 --> 00:06:58,242 [ Announcer ] Thís film díd not come to any theater anywhere... 92 00:06:58,317 --> 00:07:02,515 because the dírector stole the negatíve and no prínts could be made. 93 00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:05,682 What you are about to see wíll document the story... 94 00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:09,785 of a movíe that was made and never seen. 95 00:07:09,862 --> 00:07:12,422 We were set! Set! 96 00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:15,865 #Míke Ovítz Míchael S. Ovítz 97 00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:18,665 #Míke Ovítz.! I wanna be 98 00:07:18,738 --> 00:07:21,571 # Why can't I be Míchael Ovítz 99 00:07:21,641 --> 00:07:25,509 - #I wanna be Míchael Ovítz - God! 100 00:07:25,578 --> 00:07:27,808 The critics loved it. 101 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:33,716 A $200 million budget, and the critics loved it. 102 00:07:33,786 --> 00:07:39,418 Whoopi,Jackie, Sly together, and the critics loved it. 103 00:07:39,492 --> 00:07:44,054 Real violence, and the critics loved it. 104 00:07:48,034 --> 00:07:51,128 Can you imagine? 105 00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:54,662 No Ishtar talk, none of that Waterworld garbage. 106 00:07:56,275 --> 00:07:58,470 We would have outgrossed E. T. 107 00:07:58,544 --> 00:08:02,310 And I'm saying that one hundred percent, officially on the record. 108 00:08:03,883 --> 00:08:06,818 [ Insane Laughter ] 109 00:08:06,886 --> 00:08:09,354 Buggers! Buggers! 110 00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:11,686 I fuck-all fixed the buggers! 111 00:08:11,757 --> 00:08:13,691 Did you hear that, slime? 112 00:08:13,759 --> 00:08:16,091 I fuck-all fixed the buggers! 113 00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:19,962 #Mr. Rín Tín Tín 114 00:08:20,032 --> 00:08:24,230 #Mr. Rín Tín Tín 115 00:08:24,303 --> 00:08:27,739 I felt when I read the first draft that we had a hit movie... 116 00:08:27,807 --> 00:08:30,275 and that was before Whoopi orJackie or Sly were cast. 117 00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,811 My one problem with the first draft... 118 00:08:32,879 --> 00:08:36,315 was that the character that became Whoopi and the character that becameJackie... 119 00:08:36,382 --> 00:08:40,546 both die, and the character that becomes Sly had an unredemptive arc. 120 00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:43,680 Are you really telling me I should die? 121 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,292 Are you gonna tell me that, honey? 122 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,453 I'm Whoopi Goldberg. I can't die. 123 00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:52,430 Huh-uh. What are you? God? 124 00:08:52,498 --> 00:08:54,466 No. I wíll not díe. 125 00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,468 I will absolutely not die. 126 00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,868 I will positively not die. 127 00:08:58,938 --> 00:09:01,463 No die, no die, no die. 128 00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:06,274 I'd say redemption is a subject that I really, truly believe in. 129 00:09:06,345 --> 00:09:11,840 I believed in it forJohn Rambo; of course, redemption for Rocky Balboa. 130 00:09:11,918 --> 00:09:14,318 I think redemption's good for the soul... 131 00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:17,254 it's good for box office, it's good for the country. 132 00:09:17,323 --> 00:09:19,985 It's a cleansing thing. I mean, it's a definite. 133 00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:25,895 I mean, life without redemption is like a day without orange juice. Forget about it. 134 00:09:25,965 --> 00:09:30,129 When I heard that Whoopi and Jackie and Sly were interested... 135 00:09:30,202 --> 00:09:33,831 I knew the script would need a little work, and so we hired six writers... 136 00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:35,840 and then three more, and then three more. 137 00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:39,867 I knew we were not compromising the integrity of the material... 138 00:09:39,946 --> 00:09:43,780 or compromising the integrity of the writer-- writers-- 139 00:09:43,849 --> 00:09:46,477 Writers have integrity. I know that. 140 00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:53,617 When I heard that Whoopi and Jackie and Sly... 141 00:09:53,693 --> 00:09:56,821 had been cast in my script, I knew the script was history. 142 00:09:56,896 --> 00:10:01,799 I knew I was dead meat. I also knew I'd be very rich. 143 00:10:01,867 --> 00:10:07,305 Well, I felt that I could underline the parenthetical... 144 00:10:07,373 --> 00:10:10,308 and irrelevant homoerotic... 145 00:10:10,376 --> 00:10:13,777 aspects of the relationships... 146 00:10:13,846 --> 00:10:16,212 without, of course, dwelling on it... 147 00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:19,945 in a sexual kind of context. 148 00:10:21,887 --> 00:10:25,755 I'm a film critic. I know it doesn't take much to be a screenwriter. 149 00:10:25,825 --> 00:10:28,453 I got my chance to prove that on Trío. 150 00:10:28,527 --> 00:10:33,794 I took out everything Eszterhaz had put in. A critic's dream. 151 00:10:33,866 --> 00:10:36,232 The movie is about guns. 152 00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:38,429 He has the-- 153 00:10:38,504 --> 00:10:41,496 Uh, how shall I put this? 154 00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:44,702 He has a very narrow, very male definition... 155 00:10:44,777 --> 00:10:47,837 of a gun-- of the use of a gun. 156 00:10:47,913 --> 00:10:51,644 When they first came to me, I figured they wanted me to play Sly's part... 157 00:10:51,717 --> 00:10:54,686 and Jackie's part, Whoopi's part... 158 00:10:54,754 --> 00:10:57,882 but they wanted my words, not my face. 159 00:10:59,425 --> 00:11:01,359 Ah, fuck it. 160 00:11:01,427 --> 00:11:03,725 At the end they brought me in for polish. 161 00:11:03,796 --> 00:11:07,197 I was polishing the script... 162 00:11:07,266 --> 00:11:09,860 that I had originally written. 163 00:11:09,935 --> 00:11:11,869 I didn't recognize a word of it. 164 00:11:11,937 --> 00:11:15,896 I put it all together. We had a fucking home run. 165 00:11:15,975 --> 00:11:18,535 I scissored all the drafts, I then pasted it together-- 166 00:11:18,611 --> 00:11:22,069 Ivan Reitman and Don Simpson taught me that. Selznick used to do it. 167 00:11:22,148 --> 00:11:24,082 We were ready. 168 00:11:24,150 --> 00:11:26,141 I didn't die. 169 00:11:26,218 --> 00:11:30,086 Honey, I told him, ""Whoopi Goldberg doesn't die.'' I told him. 170 00:11:30,156 --> 00:11:33,648 I did not die. I never die. 171 00:11:33,726 --> 00:11:37,992 Even if I die, I will come back with a reincarnation. 172 00:11:38,064 --> 00:11:41,261 So I never die. Okay? 173 00:11:45,404 --> 00:11:48,168 I was redemptive enough to shoot it... 174 00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:52,142 because I knew I'd do my own polish since I ad-libbed it. 175 00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:54,145 I don't know if that's hard to follow, but if... 176 00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:56,147 you're an actor-writer- director-producer- choreographer-stunt... 177 00:11:56,215 --> 00:12:00,481 kind of guy and worked on music, you'd follow that logic. 178 00:12:02,822 --> 00:12:06,258 #Money 179 00:12:06,325 --> 00:12:08,885 #Money, money, money 180 00:12:08,961 --> 00:12:13,398 #Money 181 00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:17,960 I was surprised when James and Jerry came to me about Alan directing the picture. 182 00:12:18,037 --> 00:12:22,770 Alan was a brilliant cutter, but he had spent his whole life in editing rooms... 183 00:12:22,842 --> 00:12:26,676 and this was a very big picture with a very big budget. 184 00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:30,978 I asked them why they wanted Alan, and even suggested four other top directors: 185 00:12:31,050 --> 00:12:36,113 Dick Donner, Mel Gibson, Stuart Baird... Mel Gibson. 186 00:12:36,188 --> 00:12:38,122 And they said all the right things. 187 00:12:38,190 --> 00:12:41,091 Alan had edited a great many big-budget action pictures... 188 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,754 and everybody in town knew that Alan badly wanted to direct. 189 00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:48,262 But the real reason James and Jerry wanted Alan to do it... 190 00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:51,269 I felt was that they viewed him as controllable. 191 00:12:51,337 --> 00:12:54,534 They both felt that they could tell him what to do on the set. 192 00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:56,700 Alan's a very sweet man. 193 00:12:56,776 --> 00:13:00,371 He has this Tibetan holy rock that he rubs all the time... 194 00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:03,973 and a Tanzanian fighting stick that he carries with him everywhere. 195 00:13:04,049 --> 00:13:06,847 There is a spirituality to Alan. 196 00:13:06,919 --> 00:13:11,686 Nothing smarmy or anxious, but just a real gentleness of spirit. 197 00:13:11,757 --> 00:13:16,126 Controllable? God, no. No. 198 00:13:16,195 --> 00:13:19,926 I don't run the studio based on who's controllable. Why would I do that? 199 00:13:19,999 --> 00:13:26,563 That's ridiculous. It's not about control. It's about art. 200 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:29,733 It's about entertaining people. 201 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:34,644 It's about making ticket-buyers' lives better for an hour and 36... 202 00:13:34,713 --> 00:13:37,511 or an hour and 42. 203 00:13:37,583 --> 00:13:40,518 - #[ Lullaby ] - They said we'd be mates, is what they said. 204 00:13:40,586 --> 00:13:45,216 They said I will be the director and they will be my mates. 205 00:13:45,291 --> 00:13:49,955 That's what the buggers said. That was before they told me I'd never work in film again. 206 00:13:50,029 --> 00:13:53,658 That was beforeJames Edmonds threatened to kill me! 207 00:13:53,732 --> 00:13:58,795 Well, I killed them, didn't I? The fiends! What fiends! 208 00:13:58,871 --> 00:14:02,671 I am absolutely, one hundred percent, on-the-record certain... 209 00:14:02,741 --> 00:14:05,642 thatJames Edmonds would never threaten to kill anyone. 210 00:14:05,711 --> 00:14:09,875 I've known the guy 20 years. He's a decent and gentle human being. 211 00:14:09,949 --> 00:14:12,440 Even ífhe díd threaten to kíll hím... 212 00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:14,509 he was kidding. 213 00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:17,613 He's a great kidder. You still there? 214 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:21,888 Everybody in this town knows that James Edmonds has a history of violence. 215 00:14:21,961 --> 00:14:23,986 He was on an MGM flight coming back from New York... 216 00:14:24,063 --> 00:14:26,998 and he had ordered a special meal-- a Pink's hot dog. 217 00:14:27,066 --> 00:14:29,899 He was still eating meat then. 218 00:14:29,969 --> 00:14:31,903 The hot dog was burned. 219 00:14:31,971 --> 00:14:34,940 He beat the shit out of the steward, he beat the shit out of the chef. 220 00:14:35,007 --> 00:14:37,976 It cost him $5 million. 221 00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:39,977 He stopped eating meat. 222 00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:42,775 No! No! No! 223 00:14:42,848 --> 00:14:45,817 That is completely, categorically... 224 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:48,979 officially and unofficially not true. 225 00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:51,022 Honey? 226 00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:53,388 - #[ Rock Musíc Playíng ] - Ah, I've had a good life in this town. 227 00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:56,860 I have no complaints. I've made a lot of hit movies. 228 00:14:56,929 --> 00:15:00,330 I've dated a lot of beautiful women and, well, you know, people get jealous. 229 00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:04,358 They say stuff, but I wouldn't hurt a fly. Would I, Francesca? 230 00:15:04,436 --> 00:15:06,370 Allessandra. 231 00:15:06,438 --> 00:15:09,999 - Allessandra. Would I? - No,James. 232 00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:13,374 As the shit went on, Alan became quieter. 233 00:15:13,445 --> 00:15:16,676 He said everything was fine, but he was alone. 234 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:19,047 He reveres his wife and family, but they were in England... 235 00:15:19,118 --> 00:15:21,746 and he was living in that apartment in Santa Monica... 236 00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:26,689 going to the set, watching dailies till late, then going home to that empty apartment. 237 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,852 His wife and the boys were in England. 238 00:15:28,961 --> 00:15:34,399 We did try living in Los Angeles for a bit, all of us. 239 00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:37,197 The boys were prepubescent. 240 00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:39,897 They didn't really take much to Los Angeles. 241 00:15:39,972 --> 00:15:42,099 Well, neither did I, really. 242 00:15:42,174 --> 00:15:44,108 Alan and I felt they'd be exposed... 243 00:15:44,176 --> 00:15:48,408 to a different world when we went there, but then-- 244 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:50,414 Then we discovered Los Angeles to be... 245 00:15:50,482 --> 00:15:52,507 a very homogeneous society: 246 00:15:52,584 --> 00:15:56,213 whites with the whites, Africans with the Africans, Spaniards with the Spaniards. 247 00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:59,223 We decided they'd learn more about life here. 248 00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:01,225 It was a mutual decision. 249 00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:03,761 I was his assistant director. 250 00:16:03,829 --> 00:16:05,763 He didn't even say ""wrap.'' I did. 251 00:16:05,831 --> 00:16:08,231 He didn't hug Whoopi or Sly orJackie. I did. 252 00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:11,360 - Híya, Lane. - Hey. I'm just sayin', you know? 253 00:16:11,437 --> 00:16:14,702 I'm a writer. He respected that. 254 00:16:14,773 --> 00:16:17,867 I am a director, and he respected that... 255 00:16:19,511 --> 00:16:21,570 and I respected him for respecting that. 256 00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:24,582 Why weren't Tom and Nicole in the park today? 257 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:26,618 We drove all the way to Malibu. 258 00:16:26,685 --> 00:16:29,779 I don't know. We'll try again next weekend, okay? 259 00:16:29,855 --> 00:16:32,551 I told 'em we were coming. 260 00:16:32,624 --> 00:16:35,252 He edited fast and tight. 261 00:16:35,327 --> 00:16:37,522 We had to change very little. 262 00:16:37,596 --> 00:16:40,724 We had a release date to make, and you can imagine the hype on the movie. 263 00:16:40,799 --> 00:16:43,267 I mean, the biggest budget in history... 264 00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:46,771 and Whoopi and Jackie and Sly. 265 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:49,273 Motherfuck! 266 00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:52,139 - #[ Opera Playíng ] - We didn't have to go looking for tie-ins. They came to us. 267 00:16:52,211 --> 00:16:54,338 Burger King. Pizza Hut. Everybody. 268 00:16:54,413 --> 00:16:57,905 We were going to open in 7,000 theaters. 269 00:16:57,983 --> 00:17:02,579 And we were critic-proof. Sheila Maslin, the critic, was one of our screenwriters. 270 00:17:02,654 --> 00:17:07,284 Well, he was the best. He was the best editor in the business. 271 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:10,021 I had very little assisting to do. 272 00:17:10,095 --> 00:17:14,862 That day he was staring at this piece of footage... 273 00:17:14,933 --> 00:17:18,334 and he was smiling and he looked really pleased... 274 00:17:18,404 --> 00:17:20,964 and I was smiling because he was smiling, and I said... 275 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,474 ""You're really pleased with yourself, aren't you?'' 276 00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:25,908 And he said, ""I am indeed. 277 00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:30,347 I have managed to make a movie that's pure shit.'' 278 00:17:30,416 --> 00:17:33,180 I don't líke guys who hype. 279 00:17:33,252 --> 00:17:36,380 I don't like guys who say, ""This is great.'' 280 00:17:36,455 --> 00:17:40,255 I like guys who say, ""This is shit.'' 281 00:17:40,325 --> 00:17:44,318 Ah, he was insecure. Most artists are. 282 00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:47,297 He underrated what he had done. 283 00:17:47,366 --> 00:17:51,268 He was too close to it. He was blinded artistically. 284 00:17:51,336 --> 00:17:54,863 That's why we had to come in and make a few-- changes... 285 00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:59,104 but what I saw was great. Great! 286 00:17:59,178 --> 00:18:01,646 I mean, what I liked about Alan... 287 00:18:01,713 --> 00:18:04,341 was that he had this spiritual maturity... 288 00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:06,350 [ Coughing ] and the artistic talent... 289 00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:10,946 to listen to the suggestions as they came up. 290 00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:13,116 God,Jerry, you're gonna choke! 291 00:18:13,192 --> 00:18:17,060 [ Choking, Laughing ] 292 00:18:17,129 --> 00:18:20,860 - Right there! Cut it right there. - No. No, no, no! 293 00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:23,163 Why are you so insecure? You can't take any suggestions. 294 00:18:23,235 --> 00:18:25,226 It's awful. It's terrible. 295 00:18:25,304 --> 00:18:27,238 You've sodomized this! 296 00:18:27,306 --> 00:18:30,503 Sodomized it? What the fuck you talkin' about? I don't do that. 297 00:18:30,576 --> 00:18:33,340 Please,James, I beg you. My name's on this movie. 298 00:18:33,412 --> 00:18:36,142 Well, take your name off. You can use ""Alan Smithee.'' 299 00:18:36,215 --> 00:18:40,675 - [ Groans ] I am Alan Smithee! - Yeah, you and hundreds of others. Now-- 300 00:18:40,752 --> 00:18:43,414 He would often disagree with me... 301 00:18:43,489 --> 00:18:45,616 and then I would overrule him. 302 00:18:45,691 --> 00:18:48,524 Hey! I chew it, I don't smoke it. This shit is poison. 303 00:18:48,594 --> 00:18:52,325 Are you trying to kill me? [ Swearing Under Breath ] 304 00:18:52,397 --> 00:18:55,457 Of course he would disagree. 305 00:18:55,534 --> 00:18:57,468 He has artistic integrity. 306 00:18:57,536 --> 00:18:59,470 It's true that sometimes when he would disagree... 307 00:18:59,538 --> 00:19:01,472 Jerry would threaten to fire him... 308 00:19:01,540 --> 00:19:03,405 and it's true that Alan did not want to be fired. 309 00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:06,876 This was his first picture as a director. It would have been disastrous for his career. 310 00:19:06,945 --> 00:19:09,209 I never threatened to shitter him. 311 00:19:09,281 --> 00:19:13,342 I threatened to kill him. But I was kidding. Come on, move over! 312 00:19:13,418 --> 00:19:17,081 - No, I'm not a fuckin' bully. - [ Horn Honkíng, Tíres Screechíng ] 313 00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:21,058 I'm not some sort of a wise-ass street punk. Please! 314 00:19:21,126 --> 00:19:24,152 It's about the talent. It's always been about the talent. 315 00:19:24,229 --> 00:19:27,596 You know, maybeJerry threatened to shitter him, but not me. 316 00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:30,829 I cut the picture. I didn't cut the picture. They cut the picture. 317 00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:34,395 I cut the picture. I didn't cut the picture. They cut the picture. 318 00:19:34,473 --> 00:19:37,135 I cut the picture. I didn't cut the picture. They cut-- 319 00:19:37,209 --> 00:19:39,143 Let's contemplate Tibet. 320 00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:45,783 Oh! Smashing! 321 00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:51,379 It was a good cut. 322 00:19:51,456 --> 00:19:53,390 I looked good. 323 00:19:53,458 --> 00:19:57,485 Good! Good! No die. 324 00:19:57,563 --> 00:20:00,498 Good. No die. No reincarnation. 325 00:20:04,069 --> 00:20:06,333 Good! Good! No die. 326 00:20:06,405 --> 00:20:09,431 Yo-ho-ho. 327 00:20:09,508 --> 00:20:12,238 You know, for a seasonal thing. 328 00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:14,245 No? 329 00:20:14,313 --> 00:20:17,407 I'm doing this for free, so don't break my balls, okay? 330 00:20:17,482 --> 00:20:20,144 I cut the picture. Ask anybody. 331 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:23,416 The studio approved it. I cut it. 332 00:20:23,488 --> 00:20:26,116 Oh, yuck! That smells! 333 00:20:26,191 --> 00:20:29,422 You all right? Sorry. 334 00:20:29,494 --> 00:20:31,428 Call me daddy. 335 00:20:31,496 --> 00:20:35,432 That bloody bastard took it from me and bloody well cut it himself!. 336 00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:39,436 He gave it to the bloody studio, and that stupid bloody dwarf said ""Thank you.'' 337 00:20:39,504 --> 00:20:42,439 But I felt that Alan was overreacting. 338 00:20:42,507 --> 00:20:45,271 I tried to tell him this was his first movie. 339 00:20:45,344 --> 00:20:47,471 What he was describing was par for the course. 340 00:20:47,546 --> 00:20:49,707 It happens all the time. 341 00:20:49,781 --> 00:20:52,375 Never! I've never interfered with a director. 342 00:20:52,451 --> 00:20:55,215 I mean, I was a director, so I know how they feel. 343 00:20:55,287 --> 00:20:58,882 Interfere with a director? Never. 344 00:20:58,957 --> 00:21:03,656 Director's my biggest ally, and I've saved a lot of their jobs. 345 00:21:03,729 --> 00:21:07,187 They've saved one or two of my performances. 346 00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,325 Put yourself in my place. Let's say-- 347 00:21:09,401 --> 00:21:12,393 I think it's like being on this jumbo jet, and you're this great pilot... 348 00:21:12,471 --> 00:21:16,635 but you're a passenger, and the guy flying the plane is-- 349 00:21:16,708 --> 00:21:18,801 He's kind of a hack pilot, all right? 350 00:21:18,877 --> 00:21:21,744 You're going through turbulence, the plane is going down... 351 00:21:21,813 --> 00:21:25,442 and you want to get up there and grab the controls and save your life... 352 00:21:25,517 --> 00:21:28,850 but you can't do it because it's un-- politically uncorrect... 353 00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:30,945 or it's illegal or there are union problems... 354 00:21:31,023 --> 00:21:33,116 so we all go down in flames, okay? 355 00:21:33,191 --> 00:21:37,218 You know what? This kid is fireproof. I'm not going down for nobody. 356 00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:39,389 But do I interfere? 357 00:21:39,464 --> 00:21:44,595 Yes. No. No. Yes. It all depends what time it is, you know? 358 00:21:44,670 --> 00:21:46,604 Yeah, I do. So what? 359 00:21:46,672 --> 00:21:49,698 The director is in control of everyone... 360 00:21:49,775 --> 00:21:53,677 but he's not in control of me. 361 00:21:53,745 --> 00:21:56,236 As long as he's not in control of me... 362 00:21:56,315 --> 00:21:59,512 I help the director be in control. 363 00:21:59,584 --> 00:22:03,680 If somehow he stupidly thinks he's in control of me-- 364 00:22:08,827 --> 00:22:12,456 I felt something was very wrong with me. 365 00:22:12,531 --> 00:22:15,295 I-I couldn't concentrate. 366 00:22:15,367 --> 00:22:18,393 I had to stop reading War and Peace. 367 00:22:18,470 --> 00:22:20,665 I walk around the La Brea Tar Pits... 368 00:22:20,739 --> 00:22:23,606 which I consider a holy place... 369 00:22:23,675 --> 00:22:26,041 and they suddenly seem like a vision of hell. 370 00:22:28,213 --> 00:22:31,205 I-I call Myrna and the boys and I'd find myself-- 371 00:22:31,283 --> 00:22:35,447 #[ Lullaby ] 372 00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:38,648 Even Tibet and Tanzania stopped interesting me. 373 00:22:41,993 --> 00:22:44,154 I love my rock... 374 00:22:44,229 --> 00:22:47,289 and my stick. 375 00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:50,164 Usually when he called, he said everything was fine with the movie... 376 00:22:50,235 --> 00:22:52,169 but his voice was broken. 377 00:22:54,172 --> 00:22:56,902 I thought for a moment he was having an affair. 378 00:22:56,975 --> 00:22:59,443 But then I dismissed it. 379 00:22:59,511 --> 00:23:03,208 We've been very lovingly married for nearly 30 years now. 380 00:23:03,281 --> 00:23:06,842 - Did I give you enough of the beef, dear? - Yes, my dear. Thank you. 381 00:23:09,187 --> 00:23:11,121 My cousin Andrew. 382 00:23:12,591 --> 00:23:16,391 #[ Rock Musíc Playíng ] 383 00:23:24,035 --> 00:23:27,232 I was over at Evan's house... 384 00:23:27,305 --> 00:23:30,035 when James called and told me what he wanted from me. 385 00:23:32,878 --> 00:23:37,679 So I called my friend Cindy and we went to Le Dome for an early dinner... 386 00:23:37,749 --> 00:23:40,274 and pretended to be surprised to see them. 387 00:23:42,421 --> 00:23:45,788 We went over to the table and,you know-- 388 00:23:45,857 --> 00:23:49,850 "Hí,.James. ' "Hey, Míshí. ' Líke ít was a bíg surpríse. 389 00:23:49,928 --> 00:23:54,627 Michelle! You look great. Good to see you. What a surprise. 390 00:23:54,699 --> 00:24:00,160 And then he íntroduced us to Alan, and we sat down wíth the two of them. 391 00:24:00,238 --> 00:24:02,706 No, I have no recollection of anybody joining us... 392 00:24:02,774 --> 00:24:05,265 that night that we had dinner at Le Dome. 393 00:24:05,343 --> 00:24:08,176 And I did, I told him he needed to get laid... 394 00:24:08,246 --> 00:24:10,680 but I was saying that to him as a friend. 395 00:24:10,749 --> 00:24:14,776 What I meant was, ""Fly your wife over here.'' That's all. 396 00:24:14,853 --> 00:24:16,787 I'm a good guy. 397 00:24:18,356 --> 00:24:21,189 Alan, though-- He's not saying much. 398 00:24:21,259 --> 00:24:24,490 I'm sitting next to him and he's all tucked into... 399 00:24:24,563 --> 00:24:27,760 his jungle outfit, holding his stick. 400 00:24:31,169 --> 00:24:33,603 [ Indistinct ] 401 00:24:33,672 --> 00:24:36,232 - Give me that! - No, no. 402 00:24:36,308 --> 00:24:38,242 Alan! 403 00:24:39,511 --> 00:24:41,445 [ Moaning ] 404 00:24:44,182 --> 00:24:47,777 - I don't thínk we're quíte ready for that yet. - [ Laughing ] 405 00:24:47,853 --> 00:24:53,723 ""Oh, yes, we are,'' I say to Alan, and he laughs. 406 00:24:53,792 --> 00:24:56,488 Now he's looking at my breasts. 407 00:24:56,561 --> 00:24:59,587 And James orders another bottle of Cristal... 408 00:24:59,664 --> 00:25:01,598 and Alan is chugging it down. 409 00:25:01,666 --> 00:25:04,260 Wait a minute! She said what? 410 00:25:04,336 --> 00:25:09,239 Am I supposed to answer for every loony-tune allegation by every dumb bimbo in this town? 411 00:25:09,307 --> 00:25:11,275 Get out of here! Get out of here! 412 00:25:11,343 --> 00:25:14,437 I am-- I'm a producer, not a pímp.! 413 00:25:14,513 --> 00:25:17,073 There's a difference! 414 00:25:20,418 --> 00:25:22,352 We went to his place. 415 00:25:23,588 --> 00:25:26,113 God. 416 00:25:26,191 --> 00:25:29,627 We-- You know-- 417 00:25:29,728 --> 00:25:35,291 #[ Cartoon Musíc Playíng ] 418 00:25:36,334 --> 00:25:38,962 Well, he was down. I could tell that. 419 00:25:39,037 --> 00:25:40,971 I mean, I've got a heart. 420 00:25:41,039 --> 00:25:43,234 Artists, you know. God love 'em. 421 00:25:43,308 --> 00:25:47,142 I called James the next day and gave him the details. 422 00:25:47,212 --> 00:25:50,204 That was part of the deal. He messengered the money over to me. 423 00:25:50,282 --> 00:25:54,218 ""What do you want to know all this stuff for?'' I asked James. 424 00:25:54,286 --> 00:25:56,516 James said he wanted... 425 00:25:56,588 --> 00:25:58,522 to look him in the face... 426 00:25:58,590 --> 00:26:00,615 and make him know... 427 00:26:00,692 --> 00:26:04,093 that he knew everything. 428 00:26:04,162 --> 00:26:07,097 That's really some silly, ugly shit. 429 00:26:07,165 --> 00:26:10,692 Why would I want to compromise someone like that? 430 00:26:10,769 --> 00:26:13,670 To fuck 'em over, to rip out their guts? That's not me. 431 00:26:13,738 --> 00:26:16,400 I'm not saying there aren't people in this town that wouldn't do it... 432 00:26:16,474 --> 00:26:18,704 but, you know, that's really old Hollywood shit. 433 00:26:18,777 --> 00:26:24,044 That's that Harry Cohen shit. Those guys, they didn't believe in karma. I do. 434 00:26:24,115 --> 00:26:28,347 I don't even eat meat anymore. I'm all pasta. 435 00:26:28,420 --> 00:26:33,357 - #[ Rock Musíc Playíng ] - You wanna know the truth? I like the sap a lot. 436 00:26:33,425 --> 00:26:37,828 He was-- He was romantic. 437 00:26:37,896 --> 00:26:41,195 He's not like the kind of people I meet here at Bob's house. 438 00:26:41,266 --> 00:26:44,497 He's not a Jack or Warren kind of guy. 439 00:26:44,569 --> 00:26:49,563 #I dríve a beat-up car 440 00:26:49,641 --> 00:26:51,575 He kissed me when I left. 441 00:26:54,012 --> 00:26:56,446 He said, ""Thank you, love.'' 442 00:27:00,452 --> 00:27:04,786 # Go on.! Go on.! Fuck the bastard, trade sex 443 00:27:07,592 --> 00:27:10,561 - Stand up. - #Baby, who's your man 444 00:27:13,632 --> 00:27:16,032 #Baby, who's your man 445 00:27:19,304 --> 00:27:22,603 - #Baby, who's your man - Hey. 446 00:27:22,674 --> 00:27:26,405 Turn around. [ Whistles ] 447 00:27:26,478 --> 00:27:30,505 New hairdo. Sophisticated lady, Grace Kelly time. 448 00:27:30,582 --> 00:27:34,018 - You look great, kid. - Thank you, Daddy. 449 00:27:34,085 --> 00:27:36,076 Lucky Daddy. 450 00:27:36,154 --> 00:27:38,714 Good thing that incest turns him on. 451 00:27:42,961 --> 00:27:47,660 Ah, Christ! We'd done the advance critics, the billboards were up. 452 00:27:47,732 --> 00:27:50,200 We worked the fast-food tie-in. 453 00:27:50,268 --> 00:27:53,567 The three dudes were everywhere. You couldn't get away from 'em. 454 00:27:53,638 --> 00:27:57,199 They were more subconscious than the Batman logo. 455 00:27:57,275 --> 00:27:59,539 We had to cut one ofJackie's lines. 456 00:27:59,611 --> 00:28:02,546 You know, Sly wanted it out. 457 00:28:02,614 --> 00:28:05,082 We had to do it behind Jackie's back. 458 00:28:05,150 --> 00:28:07,482 Alan says, ""I'll take care of it.'' 459 00:28:07,552 --> 00:28:12,251 All that was left was to get the master to the lab, get it duped. 460 00:28:12,323 --> 00:28:15,349 Alan said he'd take care of that too. 461 00:28:15,427 --> 00:28:19,193 Hey!James is here already. 462 00:28:19,264 --> 00:28:21,494 How do you like our trucks? 463 00:28:21,566 --> 00:28:25,058 Spielberg's got one just like it. So does Geffen. 464 00:28:25,136 --> 00:28:28,105 Keanu's getting one. 465 00:28:28,173 --> 00:28:33,076 Uh,Jerry got the call and, and he's the one who told me. 466 00:28:33,144 --> 00:28:37,740 Yeah. Couldn't believe it. I mean, I could not believe it. 467 00:28:37,816 --> 00:28:39,750 I just said, ""What?'' 468 00:28:39,818 --> 00:28:42,378 What do you say in a moment like that, you know? 469 00:28:42,454 --> 00:28:44,854 I usually have my reader write the responses. 470 00:28:44,923 --> 00:28:46,982 I just said, ""What?'' 471 00:28:47,058 --> 00:28:49,083 The billboards were all up. 472 00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:51,094 The premiere was set to go at Grauman's. 473 00:28:51,162 --> 00:28:53,426 It would have been the biggest premiere since Gone Wíth the Wínd. 474 00:28:53,498 --> 00:28:57,901 - The three dudes were all coming. - MTVwas gonna cover it live. 475 00:28:57,969 --> 00:29:01,996 The master print was gone. That's allJerry said. 476 00:29:02,073 --> 00:29:06,100 - I said, ""Gone?'' - I said, ""Gone? Who had it?'' 477 00:29:06,177 --> 00:29:10,477 They said, ""Smithee. He took it down to the lab for the duping.'' 478 00:29:10,548 --> 00:29:13,984 - What are you trying to say? Without that master negative-- - We're fucked! 479 00:29:14,052 --> 00:29:17,510 - Without that master negative, we didn't have a movie! - And where's Smithee? 480 00:29:17,589 --> 00:29:19,784 I said, ""Where the fuck is he?'' 481 00:29:19,858 --> 00:29:23,225 They said, ""Gone.'' 482 00:29:25,697 --> 00:29:30,430 #[ Lullaby ] 483 00:29:37,142 --> 00:29:39,167 We got his note an hour later by messenger. 484 00:29:39,244 --> 00:29:42,645 All it said was ""It's my movie. My movie.'' 485 00:29:42,714 --> 00:29:45,342 - There was a postcard with it. - The La Brea Tar Pits! 486 00:29:45,416 --> 00:29:47,384 I shoulda killed him when I said I was gonna kill him! 487 00:29:47,452 --> 00:29:52,151 Oh, no, no. You have to edit that out. 488 00:29:52,223 --> 00:29:54,521 Goddamn talent! Crazy fuckin' artist! 489 00:29:54,592 --> 00:29:57,390 Motherfuckin' pig! Fuckin' son-of-a-bitch! 490 00:29:57,462 --> 00:29:59,396 I got a fuckin' business to run here! 491 00:29:59,464 --> 00:30:01,898 I got a fuckin' business! I got people in Tokyo! 492 00:30:01,966 --> 00:30:03,900 I got fuckin' stockholders want-- 493 00:30:03,968 --> 00:30:06,061 Crazy son-of-a-bitch motherfucker! 494 00:30:06,137 --> 00:30:08,105 He doesn't mean that. He just lost his temper. 495 00:30:08,173 --> 00:30:10,107 You know, Scorsese's his daughter's godfather. 496 00:30:10,175 --> 00:30:14,236 - De Palma too! - And De Palma-- De Palma's the other daughter's godfather. 497 00:30:14,312 --> 00:30:18,009 We had $21 2 million into it, not counting prints and ads. 498 00:30:18,082 --> 00:30:20,915 $21 2 million, and Smithee had it in his hands. 499 00:30:23,621 --> 00:30:27,113 #The itsy-bitsy spider # 500 00:30:27,192 --> 00:30:32,152 #Went up the waterspout # 501 00:30:32,230 --> 00:30:34,721 # Down came the rain # 502 00:30:34,799 --> 00:30:37,427 #And washed the spider out # 503 00:30:37,502 --> 00:30:39,561 Where the fuck was he? 504 00:30:39,637 --> 00:30:43,596 Gone. Gone. He was gone. Gone like Burt Reynolds. 505 00:30:43,675 --> 00:30:47,771 - Gone like Cher. Gone like Elvis. - Cher's comin' back. 506 00:30:47,846 --> 00:30:52,215 She survived Sonny, she survived infomercials. She's got the human spirit. 507 00:30:52,283 --> 00:30:55,946 - Burt! Burt's comin' back too. - And Elvis lives in Kalamazoo! 508 00:30:56,020 --> 00:30:59,581 - It was in the Inquírer. - There you got it. Three out of three, huh? 509 00:31:01,993 --> 00:31:05,895 We thought we had the whole f-- 510 00:31:06,064 --> 00:31:10,000 #[ Suspenseful Musíc Playíng ] 511 00:31:16,274 --> 00:31:19,243 I'm a private investigator. The studio hired me. 512 00:31:19,310 --> 00:31:21,870 We got to be friends over that Heidi business. 513 00:31:21,946 --> 00:31:25,040 We had five days before this movie was supposed to open. 514 00:31:25,116 --> 00:31:28,574 First we wanted to contain it. We didn't want it bleeding into the media. 515 00:31:28,653 --> 00:31:32,953 The studio brought in a psychologist. I wanted a profile of Smithee. 516 00:31:33,024 --> 00:31:36,187 I'd heard about his Tanzanian stick, his Tibetan holy rock... 517 00:31:36,261 --> 00:31:38,855 his paramilitary outfit. 518 00:31:38,930 --> 00:31:40,864 These factors did not make me comfortable. 519 00:31:40,932 --> 00:31:42,866 We started lookin' for him. 520 00:31:42,934 --> 00:31:45,664 Jesus, we had only five days until the movie opened. 521 00:31:45,737 --> 00:31:48,035 We had to get that film back. 522 00:31:48,106 --> 00:31:50,472 A big story from Hollywood tonight: 523 00:31:50,541 --> 00:31:54,637 Sources tell Channel 3 News that the director of the blockbuster film Trío... 524 00:31:54,712 --> 00:31:56,771 scheduled to open in five days-- 525 00:31:56,848 --> 00:32:01,182 ...has stolen his own film from the lab and disappeared. Smithee, who is-- 526 00:32:01,252 --> 00:32:05,154 ...53, and described to us by this channel's usually reliable sources-- 527 00:32:05,223 --> 00:32:09,182 ...as a loner who has been despondent over marital-- problems. 528 00:32:09,260 --> 00:32:11,922 # Get gone, baby 529 00:32:11,996 --> 00:32:13,964 #Baby,just get gone 530 00:32:14,032 --> 00:32:17,297 # Get gone, get gone 531 00:32:17,368 --> 00:32:19,666 #I thought lovín'you was the ríght thíng 532 00:32:19,737 --> 00:32:22,103 #But I guess that I was wrong 533 00:32:24,709 --> 00:32:27,041 # Get gone, baby 534 00:32:27,111 --> 00:32:29,045 #Baby,just get gone 535 00:32:29,113 --> 00:32:31,809 # Get gone, get gone 536 00:32:31,883 --> 00:32:34,852 I don't feel bad about saying anything to the media. 537 00:32:34,919 --> 00:32:37,444 He wouldn't have popped Mishi if he wasn't having trouble at home. 538 00:32:37,522 --> 00:32:41,458 Even if his wife's picture was on the nightstand, the pop speaks for itself. 539 00:32:41,526 --> 00:32:44,393 What are we supposed to say? That he did this because he thought the movie was shit? 540 00:32:44,462 --> 00:32:47,556 You always try to avoid any kind of negativity before you open. 541 00:32:51,102 --> 00:32:53,195 They woke me up... 542 00:32:53,271 --> 00:32:56,331 you know, these tabloid muckrakers... 543 00:32:56,407 --> 00:33:01,106 and they asked me if Alan and I were having marital problems. 544 00:33:01,179 --> 00:33:03,306 They're bloody cheeky. 545 00:33:03,381 --> 00:33:08,114 So I told them of course we weren't... 546 00:33:08,186 --> 00:33:11,747 Alan and I were very happy when we saw each other every six months or so. 547 00:33:11,823 --> 00:33:15,384 #I'm gívíng condoms for Chrístmas 548 00:33:15,460 --> 00:33:17,860 #Pretty ones Red,yellow and blue 549 00:33:17,929 --> 00:33:21,865 I determined that he was a healthy and gentle man. 550 00:33:21,933 --> 00:33:25,869 He mainly worked. He would never go to a place like Spago's. 551 00:33:25,937 --> 00:33:28,303 He ate mostly at the Doggie Diner. 552 00:33:28,373 --> 00:33:31,570 When I shared these conclusions with the studio... 553 00:33:31,642 --> 00:33:34,873 they threatened to bring in another psychologist for a rewrite. 554 00:33:34,946 --> 00:33:37,244 # Out came the sun # 555 00:33:37,315 --> 00:33:39,909 #And dried up all the rain # 556 00:33:39,984 --> 00:33:42,077 When I heard he ate at Doggie Diner, I turned toJerry... 557 00:33:42,153 --> 00:33:44,087 I said, ""Are you out of your mind? 558 00:33:44,155 --> 00:33:47,591 You allowed a guy who eats at Doggie Diner to direct a $200 million movie?'' 559 00:33:47,658 --> 00:33:50,058 I said I didn't know he was that way. 560 00:33:50,128 --> 00:33:53,120 Remember,James? You didn't know he was that way. 561 00:33:53,197 --> 00:33:55,324 If we had known about Doggie Diner... 562 00:33:55,400 --> 00:33:57,960 we never would have let him direct it. 563 00:33:58,036 --> 00:34:00,095 Let's not point any fingers, okay? 564 00:34:02,306 --> 00:34:04,240 That's funny. 565 00:34:04,308 --> 00:34:06,936 I reassessed it. 566 00:34:07,011 --> 00:34:10,174 I saw we were talking classic loner syndrome now. 567 00:34:10,248 --> 00:34:14,184 Lee Harvey Oswald time. Junk food and desolation city. 568 00:34:14,252 --> 00:34:17,483 Texas Tower deja vu. Travis Bickle, here I come. 569 00:34:17,555 --> 00:34:21,491 I helped cut Taxí Dríver. Hmm. 570 00:34:21,559 --> 00:34:23,618 - #[ Suspenseful Musíc Playíng ] - We were everywhere. 571 00:34:23,694 --> 00:34:25,685 We had the L.A.P.D. working with us. 572 00:34:25,763 --> 00:34:30,166 We staked out the airport, focusing on flights to Tanzania and Tibet. 573 00:34:30,234 --> 00:34:32,759 We staked out the La Brea Tar Pits. 574 00:34:32,837 --> 00:34:34,771 We staked out his apartment. 575 00:34:34,839 --> 00:34:37,967 We staked out the Doggie Diner. There are a lot of them. 576 00:34:38,042 --> 00:34:41,443 It took a lot of manpower, a lot of overtime. 577 00:34:41,512 --> 00:34:43,707 Business affairs wasn't happy. 578 00:34:43,781 --> 00:34:46,181 I saw myself on the bloody telly. 579 00:34:46,250 --> 00:34:48,684 I was sitting in a pub on Sunset, drinking a pink gin... 580 00:34:48,753 --> 00:34:52,280 and I saw myself on the bloody telly. 581 00:34:52,356 --> 00:34:54,586 #And the itsy-bitsy spider # 582 00:34:54,659 --> 00:34:57,492 # Climbed up the spout again # 583 00:34:57,562 --> 00:35:00,861 He was quite proud about having stolen the film. 584 00:35:00,932 --> 00:35:02,797 He said they'd made it into a very bad film... 585 00:35:02,867 --> 00:35:05,392 and he didn't want the world to see it. 586 00:35:05,470 --> 00:35:10,305 He felt he had the right to make that decision 'cause he was the director. 587 00:35:10,374 --> 00:35:12,604 I didn't argue with Alan. 588 00:35:12,677 --> 00:35:16,636 I live a very simple life here. I don't understand Hollywood things. 589 00:35:24,789 --> 00:35:28,156 #Baby doll, baby doll 590 00:35:28,226 --> 00:35:31,559 # What ya doín'to me 591 00:35:31,629 --> 00:35:35,156 #Baby doll, baby doll 592 00:35:35,233 --> 00:35:37,224 When James came back to the beach that night... 593 00:35:37,301 --> 00:35:40,759 he was horribly depressed and angry. 594 00:35:40,838 --> 00:35:45,036 We tried sex, but it didn't do any good. 595 00:35:45,109 --> 00:35:48,636 He smoked a joint, but it didn't do any good. 596 00:35:48,713 --> 00:35:52,012 He snorted coke, but it didn't do any good. 597 00:35:52,083 --> 00:35:55,348 He ate some pasta, but it didn't do any good. 598 00:35:55,419 --> 00:35:57,683 He didn't have anything to drink. 599 00:35:57,755 --> 00:35:59,689 He believes alcohol is poison. 600 00:36:01,659 --> 00:36:05,060 We tried sex again, but... 601 00:36:05,129 --> 00:36:08,098 there wasn't much improvement. 602 00:36:08,166 --> 00:36:11,363 He said only Robert Evans could help him. 603 00:36:11,435 --> 00:36:16,702 He said Robert Evans transcended sex and drugs. 604 00:36:16,774 --> 00:36:20,335 Aloe Vera, Aloe Vera! She's my ex-girlfriend. 605 00:36:20,411 --> 00:36:23,380 I dumped her. Naturally she's gonna make up all this shit about me. 606 00:36:23,447 --> 00:36:26,109 Hell hath no fury-- Basíc Instínct. Fatal Attractíon. 607 00:36:26,184 --> 00:36:28,118 I don't do drugs. 608 00:36:28,186 --> 00:36:31,314 I told you I don't even eat meat. I'm a pasta man. 609 00:36:35,059 --> 00:36:37,755 And that is why Paramount... 610 00:36:37,828 --> 00:36:41,059 is going to be paramount in the industry in the '7 0s. 611 00:36:41,132 --> 00:36:43,066 I promise you that. 612 00:36:43,134 --> 00:36:47,503 By the time Edmonds gets to my house, I'd already seen it on TV. 613 00:36:47,572 --> 00:36:51,668 The whole fuckin' town's talkin' about it. Poor guy. 614 00:36:51,742 --> 00:36:56,145 Any of us could put terrorism onto the screen, but when it's for real... 615 00:36:56,214 --> 00:36:59,945 and it hits you right in the cojones, it hurts bad. 616 00:37:00,017 --> 00:37:03,248 Walks right past me, sits in his chair in the projection room... 617 00:37:03,321 --> 00:37:05,255 but there ain't nothing on the screen. 618 00:37:05,323 --> 00:37:07,257 He's just starin'... 619 00:37:07,325 --> 00:37:09,623 and starin'... and starin'. 620 00:37:09,694 --> 00:37:14,631 I don't know what to do. I'm lucky I got the one doctor that can clear up his sinuses. 621 00:37:14,699 --> 00:37:19,932 That's Mishi. Send her in. Don't know what happened. Don't wanna. 622 00:37:20,004 --> 00:37:21,938 But she's some hell of a doctor. 623 00:37:23,975 --> 00:37:25,909 I was tired. 624 00:37:25,977 --> 00:37:28,878 My mom and I had been down to Christophe getting highlights all day... 625 00:37:28,946 --> 00:37:32,848 and then we'd gone down to Bulgari to check out the diamond crosses... 626 00:37:32,917 --> 00:37:35,112 so I was tired. 627 00:37:35,186 --> 00:37:38,622 And when Bob asked me to go in and check on James... 628 00:37:38,689 --> 00:37:41,715 I didn't feel like it. 629 00:37:41,792 --> 00:37:45,819 ButJames was just sitting there in the dark in Warren's chair... 630 00:37:45,896 --> 00:37:50,162 and he looked so vulnerable, like such a victim. 631 00:37:50,234 --> 00:37:53,692 And I was feeling guilty about sleeping with Alan Smithee. 632 00:37:53,771 --> 00:37:57,172 I mean, it wasn't like sleeping with O.J. or anything... 633 00:37:57,241 --> 00:37:59,709 but still... 634 00:37:59,777 --> 00:38:02,974 Alan had stolen a film. 635 00:38:03,047 --> 00:38:05,914 That's not good. 636 00:38:05,983 --> 00:38:08,008 That's bad. 637 00:38:09,587 --> 00:38:13,489 I'd been out with a couple of gaffers. We had a few. 638 00:38:13,557 --> 00:38:18,494 I got back to my place, and I guess I was just about right here. 639 00:38:18,562 --> 00:38:20,496 I saw him. He hit me. 640 00:38:20,564 --> 00:38:23,761 Lies! Bloody, fucking lies! 641 00:38:23,834 --> 00:38:28,066 Well, it was late at night. I heard something back here. 642 00:38:28,139 --> 00:38:30,699 It was really dark out. 643 00:38:30,775 --> 00:38:35,769 Alan Smithee was out there, waving a stick around like a madman... 644 00:38:35,846 --> 00:38:38,110 and I fired him on the spot. 645 00:38:38,182 --> 00:38:40,446 We have always been very selective at TAA. 646 00:38:40,518 --> 00:38:42,452 I mean, Stallone begged and pleaded with us. 647 00:38:42,520 --> 00:38:46,115 Bollocks! It's bollocks! I was never there. 648 00:38:46,190 --> 00:38:49,887 I rang him to tell him I didn't want to release another terrible movie. 649 00:38:49,960 --> 00:38:51,894 He asked me if I'd lost my marbles. 650 00:38:51,962 --> 00:38:54,658 ""The world will see a million more awful movies,'' he said. 651 00:38:54,732 --> 00:38:57,132 ""What difference does it make if one of them is yours?'' 652 00:38:57,201 --> 00:39:00,193 Then I fired him. He didn't want to be fired. 653 00:39:00,271 --> 00:39:04,537 He said if I gave the film back, he could get Redford into my next movie. 654 00:39:04,608 --> 00:39:07,372 I wasn't impressed. I know TAA. 655 00:39:07,445 --> 00:39:12,041 If they really want something, they use Cruise as their bait, not Redford. 656 00:39:12,116 --> 00:39:14,710 Still, Redford is one step up from Hoffman. 657 00:39:14,785 --> 00:39:18,118 Let's go, let's go! Got 'em. Come on! 658 00:39:18,189 --> 00:39:21,352 All right. Now we had two incidents that were very scary. 659 00:39:21,425 --> 00:39:23,450 First, he beat up the AD. 660 00:39:23,527 --> 00:39:26,291 He got our attention. We took very good care of him. 661 00:39:26,364 --> 00:39:29,094 Then, he threatened his own agent. 662 00:39:29,166 --> 00:39:31,999 I mean, you don't threaten agents in this town. 663 00:39:32,069 --> 00:39:34,037 It works the other way, you know? 664 00:39:34,105 --> 00:39:39,270 I mean, this guy was a few fries short of a Jumbo Meal, you know? 665 00:39:39,343 --> 00:39:43,143 - Oh, it's-- That's-- What do you call it? A penalty-- - A foul. 666 00:39:43,247 --> 00:39:47,047 ""Amok.'' That was the word they used. 667 00:39:47,084 --> 00:39:49,177 That was the word the Murdoch papers used. 668 00:39:49,253 --> 00:39:52,416 They asked me, ""Why has your husband run amok?'' 669 00:39:52,490 --> 00:39:54,754 As if it was my fault... 670 00:39:54,825 --> 00:39:58,955 making their tabloid inferences and innuendos in their Murdoch way. 671 00:39:59,029 --> 00:40:01,429 I got very angry with Alan then. 672 00:40:01,499 --> 00:40:03,933 I thought, why are you trying to spoil my simple life? 673 00:40:04,001 --> 00:40:07,164 It's only a bloody movie. 674 00:40:07,238 --> 00:40:11,231 Bad shit! Bad shit! It was top of the national news. 675 00:40:11,308 --> 00:40:14,004 It was banner-fucking-headlines. 676 00:40:14,078 --> 00:40:16,478 P.T. Barnum couldn't have done it any better. 677 00:40:16,547 --> 00:40:18,481 Merrick couldn't have done it any better. 678 00:40:18,549 --> 00:40:20,642 Jon Peters couldn't have done it any better. 679 00:40:20,718 --> 00:40:22,652 I couldn't do it any better. 680 00:40:22,720 --> 00:40:25,382 All we needed was to get the damn film back. 681 00:40:25,456 --> 00:40:29,392 - [ Alan Laughíng Madly ] - On the line is the director of Trío, Alan Smithee. 682 00:40:29,460 --> 00:40:32,520 - Can you hear me? Kíss my bum, Larry.! - We can hear you just fine. 683 00:40:32,596 --> 00:40:35,463 - Pucker up. Are you puckered up? - Yes. 684 00:40:35,533 --> 00:40:38,866 What can you tell me about why you are doing this, Mr. Smithee? 685 00:40:38,936 --> 00:40:41,666 - You stupíd fucker. Why? - Yes, why? 686 00:40:41,739 --> 00:40:45,038 Burn, Hollywood, burn.! Burn, Hollywood, burn.! 687 00:40:45,109 --> 00:40:48,545 - You're gonna burn Trío ? Why? - I must. 688 00:40:48,612 --> 00:40:50,546 O.J. díd ít, dídn't he, Larry? 689 00:40:50,614 --> 00:40:52,548 You must? Why must you? 690 00:40:52,616 --> 00:40:54,880 Are you daft? You know he díd ít. 691 00:40:54,952 --> 00:40:58,615 - Didn't Whoopi work in the part? - Yes, but Ted Danson ruíned her. 692 00:40:58,689 --> 00:41:02,352 - Was itJackie Chan then? - No, no, no. He doesn't speak any Englísh. 693 00:41:02,426 --> 00:41:05,953 - Then it's Stallone? - No, he's finally out of the closet. 694 00:41:06,030 --> 00:41:11,332 - Then what is wrong? - Míchael Ovítz ís gone, that's what's wrong. 695 00:41:11,402 --> 00:41:14,235 You mean, you're afraid it won't be commercially successful. 696 00:41:14,305 --> 00:41:16,296 You're afraid of your career. 697 00:41:16,373 --> 00:41:19,831 I'm at the top,you schumck.! You kíss everybody else's butt. Why aren't you kíssíng míne? 698 00:41:19,910 --> 00:41:23,607 You're at the pinnacle of your career, and you're gonna burn your own film. 699 00:41:23,681 --> 00:41:28,243 [ Whíníng ] I saw you kíss Marlon Brando. Why díd you kíss Marlon Brando? 700 00:41:28,319 --> 00:41:31,584 [.Jerry ] He was callíng ínto the TVshows. 701 00:41:31,655 --> 00:41:34,021 He had hís face all over the front pages. 702 00:41:34,091 --> 00:41:36,753 This guy was more popular on the Rush Limbaugh circuit... 703 00:41:36,827 --> 00:41:39,523 than Heidi Fleiss and Hugh Grant had been. 704 00:41:39,597 --> 00:41:41,997 He was badmouthing the movie, though. 705 00:41:42,066 --> 00:41:44,091 I mean, that's always-- 706 00:41:46,403 --> 00:41:50,203 Scary. [ Screaming ] Ahh! Mommy! 707 00:41:50,274 --> 00:41:52,208 [ Thuddíng Sound ] 708 00:41:53,210 --> 00:41:59,046 [Jerry Yelling ] Mommy! Mommy! 709 00:41:59,116 --> 00:42:02,483 Alan was everywhere. Everywhere. 710 00:42:02,553 --> 00:42:07,013 He did what Bob tried to do when he wrote his book: be everywhere. 711 00:42:07,091 --> 00:42:09,958 I'd been with some names, but I realize... 712 00:42:10,027 --> 00:42:14,555 Jack, Warren, even Henry-- Alan was everywhere. 713 00:42:14,632 --> 00:42:18,966 He was turning into the biggest name I'd ever been with everywhere. 714 00:42:20,771 --> 00:42:22,705 I'm not a star-fucker. 715 00:42:25,809 --> 00:42:30,371 From what we now know, he was living mostly in his car and driving around. 716 00:42:30,447 --> 00:42:34,645 He was eating bologna sandwiches and driving up and down the 405. 717 00:42:34,718 --> 00:42:36,686 I don't know why nobody pulled him over. 718 00:42:36,754 --> 00:42:41,623 We had his license plate number. It was a black Range Rover, though. 719 00:42:41,692 --> 00:42:44,525 Half the West Side drives that car. 720 00:42:44,595 --> 00:42:46,529 [James ] Well, we had to do something. 721 00:42:46,597 --> 00:42:49,998 L.A.P.D. wasn't getting anywhere. Rizzo wasn't getting anywhere. 722 00:42:50,067 --> 00:42:52,035 It was my idea to go out and try and communicate with Smithee. 723 00:42:52,102 --> 00:42:54,263 I'm a communicator. 724 00:42:54,338 --> 00:42:58,775 I said toJames, ""You got a presence, a solidity, a persona. 725 00:42:58,842 --> 00:43:02,710 Go on TV. Try to talk to Smithee.'' You know, time was running out. 726 00:43:02,780 --> 00:43:07,911 The exhibitors were going crazy wondering if they were ever gonna get their picture-- 727 00:43:07,985 --> 00:43:11,011 - [ Moaníng ] - Pussy. 728 00:43:11,088 --> 00:43:13,682 James Edmonds, the producer of the movie Trío... 729 00:43:13,757 --> 00:43:16,157 is with us live tonight with this dramatic appeal. 730 00:43:16,226 --> 00:43:18,786 -James? - Thank you, Mario. 731 00:43:18,862 --> 00:43:21,296 Alan, we know you're out there... 732 00:43:21,365 --> 00:43:23,390 and we know that you're in pain. 733 00:43:23,467 --> 00:43:26,834 We were a family all through the shoot, and we're a family still... 734 00:43:26,904 --> 00:43:29,168 and when you needed our advice during the shoot, we were there... 735 00:43:29,239 --> 00:43:32,640 and our sole intent was to make a great movie. 736 00:43:32,710 --> 00:43:35,440 Well, you did that, Alan, and we're proud of you for it. 737 00:43:35,512 --> 00:43:38,003 Please call us. Please. 738 00:43:38,082 --> 00:43:40,983 The world deserves to see what your-- 739 00:43:41,051 --> 00:43:43,611 your genius has created. 740 00:43:43,687 --> 00:43:48,124 It's only human to be displeased with something that we've done, but don't-- 741 00:43:48,192 --> 00:43:50,660 don't do an injustice to yourself, Alan. 742 00:43:53,197 --> 00:43:57,566 [ Sighing ] We love you, and we're praying for you. 743 00:43:57,635 --> 00:43:59,569 Thank you very much. 744 00:43:59,637 --> 00:44:02,299 Later tonight on Action 3 News, the pit bull they couldn't kill... 745 00:44:02,373 --> 00:44:07,675 and another severed penis found on the Sony lot in Culver City. 746 00:44:10,214 --> 00:44:14,583 - How'd it go? - Fucking sensational. 747 00:44:14,652 --> 00:44:18,053 James, is this movie really a piece of shit? 748 00:44:19,657 --> 00:44:23,457 - It's fucking sensational. - Thanks for coming. 749 00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:26,586 I work at the big Shell station right over there in South Central. 750 00:44:26,630 --> 00:44:31,260 Range Rover pulls in. Dude gets out, pumps some gas. 751 00:44:31,335 --> 00:44:35,829 It was the dude, man. It was the dude.! 752 00:44:35,906 --> 00:44:38,374 Hey. You gonna burn it? 753 00:44:38,442 --> 00:44:42,845 Oh, yes. Absolutely. I have no choice. 754 00:44:42,913 --> 00:44:46,474 You know they're gonna kick that pink, white, khaki ass of yours, right? 755 00:44:46,550 --> 00:44:50,884 [ Laughing ] Yes, absolutely. They'll have no choice. 756 00:44:50,954 --> 00:44:53,684 Let me ask you. You still got that stick, dude? 757 00:44:53,757 --> 00:44:57,193 Yeah. It's African. It protects me. 758 00:44:57,261 --> 00:44:59,695 Wanna see it? It's in the vehicle. 759 00:45:08,739 --> 00:45:11,333 It's lovely, isn't it? 760 00:45:11,408 --> 00:45:13,842 - It's cool. Nice. - Yeah. 761 00:45:16,146 --> 00:45:18,239 Would you like it? Here, take it. 762 00:45:20,718 --> 00:45:22,982 - No, man. It's your stick. - Yeah. 763 00:45:27,291 --> 00:45:31,352 - I'm not really African. - Around here you're gonna need this. 764 00:45:31,428 --> 00:45:35,524 Well, I still have my holy rock. 765 00:45:39,670 --> 00:45:43,868 - Come on, dude. Man, let's go get some ribs, huh? - Yeah. 766 00:45:43,941 --> 00:45:47,433 So when he was done, I tell him, ""You the luckiest white boy that'd ever die.'' 767 00:45:47,511 --> 00:45:50,173 He said, ""Oh, no, not me. I fucked myself.'' 768 00:45:50,247 --> 00:45:53,273 I said, ""Nah, man. You comin' with me. We gonna hide you out.'' 769 00:45:53,350 --> 00:45:56,046 He said, ""You not gonna take my film cans, is you?'' 770 00:45:56,120 --> 00:45:59,612 I said, ""Nah, man. I can dig. I'm--'' 771 00:45:59,690 --> 00:46:01,624 ""...an actor,'' he says. 772 00:46:01,692 --> 00:46:04,820 I look at him and realize, well, certainly he is. 773 00:46:04,895 --> 00:46:08,353 This is Los Angeles. Everyone's an actor. 774 00:46:08,432 --> 00:46:11,094 So I tell him about the family. 775 00:46:11,168 --> 00:46:13,466 The African American Guerilla Film Family. 776 00:46:13,537 --> 00:46:15,471 We can dig that. 777 00:46:15,539 --> 00:46:18,838 Art. Integrity versus the system. The studios. 778 00:46:18,909 --> 00:46:21,605 Baby back ribs with hot sauce. Mmm. 779 00:46:21,678 --> 00:46:24,238 Black-eyed peas and collard greens. 780 00:46:26,150 --> 00:46:29,677 [.James ] I had no ídea he was formíng a terroríst allíance wíth the schvartzes-- 781 00:46:29,753 --> 00:46:31,687 Uh, African Americans. Hi. 782 00:46:31,755 --> 00:46:35,714 Of course, it would not have mattered one whit had we known what he was doing. 783 00:46:35,793 --> 00:46:39,729 You know, I don't know if I'd mentioned this. Harry Belafonte is actually... 784 00:46:39,797 --> 00:46:42,493 a very good friend of mine and, uh, Spike-- 785 00:46:42,566 --> 00:46:46,935 - Lee? - Lee, yes, once invited my wife and I to a Knicks game... 786 00:46:47,004 --> 00:46:50,804 and at the last second he couldn't make it, but he gave us the tickets, you know? 787 00:46:50,874 --> 00:46:54,833 - What's his name? What's his name? When he-- Uh, Mandela. - Nelson. 788 00:46:54,912 --> 00:46:57,073 - Nelson. - I'm the one who set up the reception for him. 789 00:46:57,147 --> 00:47:01,550 - I used Someone's In The Kitchen and Wolfgang Puck. - For Nelson. It was fabulous. 790 00:47:01,618 --> 00:47:04,280 Please tell me that this is Caviar House Beluga. 791 00:47:06,723 --> 00:47:11,456 Nope. It's Petrossian. I can't believe it. 792 00:47:13,030 --> 00:47:15,191 - Go get her. - Honey? 793 00:47:16,333 --> 00:47:18,858 Fine. 794 00:47:18,936 --> 00:47:21,427 You do have the wide-angle lens for this? 795 00:47:21,505 --> 00:47:24,531 When we found out afterwards where he had been, I wasn't the least bit surprised. 796 00:47:24,608 --> 00:47:27,509 I think that whole Telluride crowd is subversive. 797 00:47:27,578 --> 00:47:31,241 Rizzo found out afterwards that many of the African Americans who had been with Smithee... 798 00:47:31,315 --> 00:47:33,408 had also been up at Telluride. 799 00:47:33,483 --> 00:47:35,417 One of them had even been to Venice. 800 00:47:35,485 --> 00:47:38,943 Venice? Jesus. Bunch of communists in Venice. 801 00:47:39,022 --> 00:47:42,116 I've never been to Telluride. I ski in Aspen. 802 00:47:42,192 --> 00:47:46,720 One year we couldn't get in, and we had to go to Vail. Disgusting. 803 00:47:46,797 --> 00:47:48,731 Vail? That's worse than Telluride. 804 00:47:48,799 --> 00:47:50,733 I told you we couldn't get ín. 805 00:47:50,801 --> 00:47:53,065 That's the only reason I went. 806 00:47:53,136 --> 00:47:55,798 What do you mean, you couldn't get in? You? 807 00:47:55,873 --> 00:47:59,274 - You didn't flush. - No, I never flush myself. 808 00:47:59,343 --> 00:48:01,277 Bulgari, here I come. 809 00:48:08,252 --> 00:48:11,153 Mr. Edmonds. Alan Smíth. 810 00:48:11,221 --> 00:48:13,314 - Excuse me? - Alan Smith. 811 00:48:13,390 --> 00:48:16,882 - From the Natíonal Enquírer. S-m-í-t-h. - Ah. Ah. Ah. 812 00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:19,861 - You're the guys who did that story on Ryan O'Neal. - We sure did. 813 00:48:19,930 --> 00:48:21,864 - Did he sue you? - He sure didn't. 814 00:48:24,368 --> 00:48:29,567 Alan Smith. S-m-i-t-h. He should have sued you. 815 00:48:29,640 --> 00:48:31,574 I think I actually hit him. 816 00:48:34,144 --> 00:48:36,806 So anyhow, I called the family together. 817 00:48:36,847 --> 00:48:39,213 Smithee sat with Stagger Lee while we were waiting. 818 00:48:39,283 --> 00:48:42,377 Stagger put The Thírd Man on. 819 00:48:42,452 --> 00:48:44,852 Smithee started analyzing the cuttin' scene by scene... 820 00:48:44,922 --> 00:48:46,856 so Stagger started taking notes. 821 00:48:46,924 --> 00:48:49,119 So I asked him, ""You like Spike?'' 822 00:48:49,192 --> 00:48:51,126 He goes, ""Oh, yes, indeed.'' 823 00:48:51,194 --> 00:48:53,526 ""Do you likeJohn Singleton?'' ""Oh, yes, indeed.'' 824 00:48:53,597 --> 00:48:56,157 ""You like Carl Franklin?'' ""Oh, yes, indeed.'' 825 00:48:56,233 --> 00:48:59,634 ""You like the Brothers Brothers?'' ""Yeah.'' 826 00:48:59,703 --> 00:49:03,696 ""The Brothers Brothers. The ultimate street filmmakers in history? 827 00:49:03,774 --> 00:49:07,801 You Aín't No Brother and Word Up Bítch?' 828 00:49:07,878 --> 00:49:12,144 He goes, ""I am in awe. In awe.'' 829 00:49:12,215 --> 00:49:16,015 I have the greatest respect for African American filmmakers. 830 00:49:16,086 --> 00:49:21,285 They are the cutting edge, they are the driving force, of American film. 831 00:49:21,358 --> 00:49:26,057 I was personally and deeply devastated and decimated... 832 00:49:26,129 --> 00:49:28,791 when Carl Franklin left us last year for Universal... 833 00:49:28,865 --> 00:49:33,131 just like most of our talent left us last year for Universal. 834 00:49:33,203 --> 00:49:35,569 I love Carl's movies, though. 835 00:49:35,639 --> 00:49:38,107 jungle Fever-- 836 00:49:38,175 --> 00:49:40,109 That's my favorite. 837 00:49:40,177 --> 00:49:46,116 #[ Funk Musíc Playíng ] 838 00:49:48,185 --> 00:49:50,881 Sister II Lumumba called me up... 839 00:49:50,954 --> 00:49:53,855 and she said he was cool and we need to help the motherfucker out. 840 00:49:53,924 --> 00:49:55,892 And I say, ""Yeah? You know, straight up? 841 00:49:55,959 --> 00:50:00,396 Get that motherfucker a straightjacket and wear it the fuck up first.'' 842 00:50:00,464 --> 00:50:05,925 #[ Musíc Contínues ] 843 00:50:09,006 --> 00:50:13,568 Yo, Leon called, dude. They got the motherfucker at the family. 844 00:50:13,643 --> 00:50:16,476 I say, ""What they got the motherfucker there fo'? 845 00:50:16,546 --> 00:50:19,743 They takin' hostages now?'' 846 00:50:19,816 --> 00:50:23,946 I understood we were waiting for something, but I didn't know what. 847 00:50:24,021 --> 00:50:27,855 There was a palpable expectation in the room. 848 00:50:27,924 --> 00:50:32,088 They put a Brothers Brothers movie on the telly-- You Aín't No Brother. 849 00:50:32,162 --> 00:50:34,130 I love that movie. 850 00:50:34,197 --> 00:50:36,961 It could have been cut a little tighter. 851 00:50:37,034 --> 00:50:40,970 Yo. We walk in, and it's mad late... 852 00:50:41,038 --> 00:50:44,872 and Smithee's over there on the couch, watching You Aín't No Brother. 853 00:50:44,941 --> 00:50:47,102 He got the cans of film on the side. 854 00:50:47,177 --> 00:50:50,237 So we walk in, and he looks. And you know what? 855 00:50:50,313 --> 00:50:52,645 Motherfucker got whiter. 856 00:50:52,716 --> 00:50:56,277 Sister II Lumumba, she say we the Brothers Brothers. 857 00:50:56,353 --> 00:51:00,414 Now, he one pale white, film-robbin', terrorist son of a bitch. 858 00:51:00,490 --> 00:51:04,017 Smithee say, ""It's a great pleasure to meet you. 859 00:51:04,094 --> 00:51:06,585 I'd never met any cossack filmmakers before.'' 860 00:51:06,663 --> 00:51:08,961 Yeah, and I was down with that. 861 00:51:09,032 --> 00:51:10,966 I was down with that. 862 00:51:11,034 --> 00:51:13,161 Yo, and my momma's cossack. 863 00:51:13,236 --> 00:51:15,170 And my momma's cossack too. 864 00:51:15,238 --> 00:51:18,230 Don't! Don't, okay? Don't! 865 00:51:18,308 --> 00:51:21,106 Don't ask me about the Brothers Brothers, okay? 866 00:51:21,178 --> 00:51:23,203 Not one word. 867 00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:26,113 I don't know the Brothers Brothers. 868 00:51:26,183 --> 00:51:28,947 I don't know any cossacks or half cossacks. 869 00:51:29,019 --> 00:51:33,251 Bob doesn't know any cossacks or half cossacks who come over to the house... 870 00:51:33,323 --> 00:51:35,484 although I'm sure Warren knows them. 871 00:51:35,559 --> 00:51:37,686 It was funny what was happening to me. 872 00:51:39,729 --> 00:51:42,630 I was thinking about Smithee all the time. 873 00:51:42,699 --> 00:51:45,497 Thinking about him, thinking about him. 874 00:51:46,570 --> 00:51:49,767 It was like... 875 00:51:49,840 --> 00:51:52,138 I'd been touched by the Holy Spirit. 876 00:51:52,209 --> 00:51:56,077 Jack, Warren, Henry touched me a lot. 877 00:51:56,146 --> 00:51:57,909 No Holy Spirit. 878 00:51:57,981 --> 00:52:01,678 - [ Fans Clamoring ] - See, he was mo' cossack than us. 879 00:52:01,751 --> 00:52:03,981 - He was mo' roots than us. - That's right. 880 00:52:04,054 --> 00:52:08,388 Nobody else in the family was cossack, except for me, Dion... 881 00:52:08,458 --> 00:52:10,392 and Smithee, he was honorary. 882 00:52:11,928 --> 00:52:15,295 You know what? He was a cool motherfucker, man. 883 00:52:15,365 --> 00:52:17,731 You know what? He was a fly motherfucker, man. 884 00:52:17,801 --> 00:52:20,668 [ Together] Ah-ha. 885 00:52:20,737 --> 00:52:23,331 ## [ Music Continues ] 886 00:52:23,406 --> 00:52:26,398 Ready. I think we've seen it. 887 00:52:26,476 --> 00:52:28,603 Seems to be pretty much the one song. 888 00:52:30,514 --> 00:52:32,641 - I miss Lionel Richie. - Lionel Richie? 889 00:52:32,716 --> 00:52:35,549 Honey, I miss Charlie Pride. Vanilla Ice. 890 00:52:42,092 --> 00:52:44,424 - Who's that? - [ Speaking In Low Voice ] It's the Brothers Brothers. 891 00:52:44,494 --> 00:52:47,122 - Shit! - [Jerry Indistinct ] 892 00:52:55,338 --> 00:52:57,932 - Hey. - Hey. Who's playin'? 893 00:52:58,008 --> 00:53:03,241 - The Brothers Brothers. - Aw, shit. 894 00:53:07,651 --> 00:53:10,017 - [ Bangíng ] - I must do it. 895 00:53:10,087 --> 00:53:13,056 I must do it. I must. 896 00:53:13,123 --> 00:53:15,216 Yo, yo, yo. Yo. Yo. Look, man. 897 00:53:15,292 --> 00:53:17,453 Some wild shit you's doin', man. 898 00:53:17,527 --> 00:53:19,495 Talk-- You talkin' some craz-- That's just whacked. 899 00:53:19,563 --> 00:53:22,327 You gotta understand, man, this is a film. 900 00:53:22,399 --> 00:53:25,061 Yeah, man, this is the shit we live for, man. 901 00:53:25,135 --> 00:53:27,126 That's a lot of people's sweat in those cans, man. 902 00:53:27,204 --> 00:53:30,196 You can't burn that shit. You got to give that shit back. 903 00:53:31,308 --> 00:53:35,335 - I can't. - Look. Put it to you this way: 904 00:53:35,412 --> 00:53:37,903 you gotta do it, bro'. 905 00:53:41,284 --> 00:53:45,118 They took the film away from me. They stole it. 906 00:53:45,188 --> 00:53:49,648 They abused me, they raped me, they threatened to kill me. 907 00:53:49,726 --> 00:53:53,890 Yeah, they pimped your ass, that's for goddamn sure. 908 00:53:53,964 --> 00:53:57,491 Pimped the shit out you. Like a two-dollar ho'. 909 00:53:57,567 --> 00:54:02,595 I mean, if we believe in film, and we do... 910 00:54:02,672 --> 00:54:06,938 then don't we have a responsibility to protect the world from bad ones? 911 00:54:07,010 --> 00:54:09,410 This movie really that bad? 912 00:54:11,715 --> 00:54:16,243 It's fuckin' horrible. It's worse than Showgírls. 913 00:54:16,319 --> 00:54:18,981 It's worse than Showgírls? 914 00:54:19,055 --> 00:54:23,185 - It's a piece of shit! - I say, man, you don't burn the flick. 915 00:54:23,260 --> 00:54:26,161 I say what you do is you take your name off that shit. 916 00:54:26,229 --> 00:54:29,392 - [ Snaps Fingers ] - Yeah, you can use that phony name, uh-uh-- 917 00:54:29,466 --> 00:54:31,559 The one everybody be usin'. 918 00:54:32,636 --> 00:54:34,797 I can't do that! 919 00:54:34,871 --> 00:54:37,931 I am Alan Smithee! 920 00:54:38,008 --> 00:54:40,738 Uh, we African-Americans. Strike one. 921 00:54:40,811 --> 00:54:44,372 We Cossack-Americans. That's strike two. 922 00:54:44,447 --> 00:54:46,745 But our motherfuckin' name ain't Alan Smithee. 923 00:54:46,817 --> 00:54:48,785 That's for goddamn sure. 924 00:54:53,123 --> 00:54:57,059 # You can ríde,.Johnny Ríde untíl the day you díe 925 00:54:57,127 --> 00:55:00,153 Ah, my brother Smithee, I say, straight up, mo'fucker... 926 00:55:00,230 --> 00:55:02,824 what you want is final cut and shit. 927 00:55:02,899 --> 00:55:05,129 And that's what we gonna get for your ass. 928 00:55:05,202 --> 00:55:08,467 We don't know where Smithee is at this point, but I'm goin' nuts! 929 00:55:08,538 --> 00:55:11,439 The DeBecker people are all over the house, and out here in the yard. 930 00:55:11,508 --> 00:55:13,976 - #[ Beach Boys ] - There are guns all over the house. 931 00:55:14,044 --> 00:55:16,342 The babies are being woken up in the middle of the night... 932 00:55:16,413 --> 00:55:19,314 with the DeBecker guys goin' to the bathroom-- 933 00:55:19,382 --> 00:55:23,284 [ Sighs ] My wife! My wife says, ""This isn't a family movie. 934 00:55:23,353 --> 00:55:25,947 It's notJane Austen. It's not Forrest Gump. ' 935 00:55:26,022 --> 00:55:31,483 Then-- Then! The Brothers Brothers call me. 936 00:55:31,561 --> 00:55:34,860 SoJerry calls me, tells me that, uh, the Brothers Brothers... 937 00:55:34,931 --> 00:55:39,493 are now acting as, uh, negotiators for Alan Smithee and they wanna sit down and talk. 938 00:55:39,569 --> 00:55:42,970 I say, ""That's fine, that's fine, that's-- look, we're making progress.'' 939 00:55:43,039 --> 00:55:48,500 James hangs up the phone and starts to scream, ""The fucking Brothers Brothers?'' he yells. 940 00:55:48,578 --> 00:55:51,046 ""The fucking Brothers Brothers are into this? 941 00:55:51,114 --> 00:55:54,880 Smithee got the baddest motherfuckers in the world into this?'' 942 00:55:54,951 --> 00:56:00,321 He says, ""I'm gonna have to meet with these crazy schvartzes? 943 00:56:00,390 --> 00:56:03,154 I'm gonna kill them.''James says. 944 00:56:03,226 --> 00:56:05,160 ""We're gonna have a race war.'' 945 00:56:05,228 --> 00:56:09,028 Yeah. Me and Dion s'posed to meet 'em at the studio. 946 00:56:09,099 --> 00:56:12,398 And that's right, Smithee's gonna lay back at the crib with the film. 947 00:56:12,469 --> 00:56:15,097 - That was the deal. - That's right. 948 00:56:15,171 --> 00:56:18,299 James and I felt for the first time there was hope. 949 00:56:18,375 --> 00:56:21,310 We knew by reputation that the Brothers Brothers were decent, civilized... 950 00:56:21,378 --> 00:56:23,903 human beings, with a great love of film. 951 00:56:23,980 --> 00:56:27,313 We felt certain they'd work with us to get the master back. 952 00:56:27,384 --> 00:56:30,581 They were comin' to the studio. That was crucial. 953 00:56:30,654 --> 00:56:34,454 Our security people, the DeBecker people, the L.A.P.D. ... 954 00:56:34,524 --> 00:56:39,052 would follow them after they left the building. We knew they'd lead us to Smithee. 955 00:56:40,697 --> 00:56:45,066 James smoked a joint, snorted two lines of coke... 956 00:56:45,135 --> 00:56:48,571 got the gun from the nightstand and tucked it into the back of his belt. 957 00:56:48,638 --> 00:56:53,302 [ Laughs ] I was asking him why he was taking this gun to this meeting. 958 00:56:53,376 --> 00:56:56,368 He said, ""If I can't do it, if the agents can't do it... 959 00:56:56,446 --> 00:56:59,904 ""if the lawyers can't do it, then it's the gun. 960 00:56:59,983 --> 00:57:02,042 How do you think I've gotten so many credits?'' 961 00:57:02,118 --> 00:57:05,349 # Let's get it on # 962 00:57:05,422 --> 00:57:08,687 - # Let's get it on # - # Let's get it on # 963 00:57:08,758 --> 00:57:10,749 - It's the meetin' time, baby. - Yo, I'm ready, yo. 964 00:57:10,827 --> 00:57:12,761 - Right. - All right. 965 00:57:12,829 --> 00:57:14,763 ## [ Beach Boys ] 966 00:57:20,070 --> 00:57:22,004 I feel fucking sensational! 967 00:57:22,072 --> 00:57:24,006 [ Music Stops ] 968 00:57:31,614 --> 00:57:34,208 Hey! Where the fuck is my film? Where is it? 969 00:57:34,284 --> 00:57:36,718 Man, who the fuck you talkin' to? You the director or somethin'? 970 00:57:36,786 --> 00:57:39,778 - I'm the producer. - So shut the fuck up and sit down. 971 00:57:39,856 --> 00:57:44,589 - Hey, uh, Alan Smithee, he the director. You ain't shit. - Mm-hmm. 972 00:57:46,262 --> 00:57:48,321 - #[ Híp-Hop Instrumental ] -James got a little overheated. 973 00:57:48,398 --> 00:57:52,061 I believe in directness. I'm not-- I'm not passive-aggressive. 974 00:57:52,135 --> 00:57:55,536 I took it from there. l told them what brilliant filmmakers they were. 975 00:57:55,605 --> 00:57:59,166 I told them how much this studio has always wanted to work with the Brothers Brothers. 976 00:57:59,242 --> 00:58:03,975 - I talked about the visceral power of their movies. - Yadda-di yadda-di yadda-da. 977 00:58:04,047 --> 00:58:07,505 I talked to them about how their movies... go to your soul. 978 00:58:07,584 --> 00:58:10,485 And I felt that I was making progress. I-I felt that-- 979 00:58:10,553 --> 00:58:15,513 - We. - We. I felt that we were making progress. 980 00:58:17,627 --> 00:58:20,494 Couple jive-ass mo'fuckers talkin' about movies. 981 00:58:20,563 --> 00:58:24,055 - Hey, but they don't know that we bullshit-proof. - Hell, yeah. 982 00:58:24,134 --> 00:58:28,298 I loved Do the Ríght Thíng. And Malcolm-- God! 983 00:58:28,371 --> 00:58:31,306 Better than David Lean. 984 00:58:31,374 --> 00:58:34,172 Man, you talkin' about Spike. 985 00:58:34,244 --> 00:58:39,204 Spike! Stop cursin' at me, man. I ain't no Spike. 986 00:58:39,282 --> 00:58:42,445 I'm sorry. I'm very-- I-I'm very sorry. 987 00:58:44,287 --> 00:58:46,687 [ Sighs ] Okay, let's get down to business. 988 00:58:46,756 --> 00:58:49,020 What does Smithee want? 989 00:58:49,092 --> 00:58:51,151 - Final cut. - Yeah, well fuck him. 990 00:58:51,227 --> 00:58:54,594 - And fuck you. - Fuck you! And fuck you, and fuck you, and fuck you-- 991 00:58:54,664 --> 00:58:56,598 [Japanese ] 992 00:58:56,666 --> 00:58:59,931 ...and fuck you, and fuck you, and fuck you, and fuck you, and fuck you-- 993 00:59:00,003 --> 00:59:02,369 - [ All Shoutíng ] - Gentlemen, gentlemen, please! 994 00:59:02,439 --> 00:59:04,600 - Who the fuck are you callin' gentlemen? - Look, we don't give final cut. 995 00:59:04,674 --> 00:59:07,472 - Now you know that. - There's always a first time. 996 00:59:07,544 --> 00:59:09,876 Over my dead fuckin' body! 997 00:59:09,946 --> 00:59:12,847 All right, bitch, that's cool then. Die. 998 00:59:12,916 --> 00:59:15,714 Come here. That was rude. That was very rude. 999 00:59:15,785 --> 00:59:18,515 I tried to explain to them... 1000 00:59:18,588 --> 00:59:22,991 that only Kubrick and Spielberg have final cut. That's it. 1001 00:59:23,059 --> 00:59:25,391 Many other directors pretend to have it... 1002 00:59:25,462 --> 00:59:29,091 sometimes certain studios say they have it... 1003 00:59:29,165 --> 00:59:32,601 when they don't, just to assuage directorial egos. 1004 00:59:32,669 --> 00:59:36,196 They don't deserve to have it. I deserve to have it. 1005 00:59:36,272 --> 00:59:39,605 - You do have it. - You're fucking right I do. 1006 00:59:40,910 --> 00:59:43,845 Yeah, and Jerry Glover goes, ""I tell you what, guys. 1007 00:59:43,913 --> 00:59:47,474 ""I'll get you a three-picture deal, and final cut... 1008 00:59:47,550 --> 00:59:49,484 if you get us the master back.'' 1009 00:59:49,552 --> 00:59:52,578 What a stupid fucking thing to tell him. 1010 00:59:52,655 --> 00:59:56,318 It was an offer,James. Offer. 1011 00:59:56,392 --> 00:59:58,952 - We were in a situation. - Hey, you never offer 'em that. 1012 00:59:59,028 --> 01:00:01,997 You never offer any director that. The offer itself goes right to their head. 1013 01:00:02,065 --> 01:00:04,966 They're the fuckin' enemy! You know that,Jerry. 1014 01:00:05,034 --> 01:00:09,130 No, they're not. They're a part of the workforce. 1015 01:00:12,408 --> 01:00:15,844 I've got two guys from legal affairs drawing up the contracts right now. 1016 01:00:18,148 --> 01:00:20,378 Deal? 1017 01:00:20,450 --> 01:00:23,715 We can't do that, man. Dat ain't the deal. 1018 01:00:23,786 --> 01:00:26,687 - We can't? - Hell, no, we can't. 1019 01:00:26,756 --> 01:00:29,350 [ Leon ] Yeah,yeah,yeah. Fuck that.! 1020 01:00:29,425 --> 01:00:32,394 Hell, no. Fuck that shit. I tell you what. 1021 01:00:32,462 --> 01:00:36,364 Smíthee goes back to re-cut the film hís own way. 1022 01:00:36,432 --> 01:00:39,924 That's the master. You guys get to distribute it. 1023 01:00:41,271 --> 01:00:44,934 Otherwise... [ Snapping ] it burns. 1024 01:00:46,676 --> 01:00:48,644 Goddamn it, sit down! 1025 01:00:50,280 --> 01:00:52,578 - Deal? - Deal? 1026 01:00:52,649 --> 01:00:56,449 I hope you guys never try to work in this town with a budget of more than $1 0 million. 1027 01:01:04,160 --> 01:01:06,128 Deal. 1028 01:01:06,196 --> 01:01:10,292 - Oh-- -James, come on, damn it. Sit down! 1029 01:01:10,366 --> 01:01:12,300 As we on our way back to the 'hood... 1030 01:01:12,368 --> 01:01:15,360 Jerry Glover run out into the hall, and he say... 1031 01:01:15,438 --> 01:01:17,599 ""I hope we can work together sometime.'' 1032 01:01:17,674 --> 01:01:21,508 - He don't care what the budget is. Mm-hmm. - Hell, yeah. 1033 01:01:21,578 --> 01:01:25,947 Gentlemen, congratulations. I am so happy that this worked out. 1034 01:01:26,015 --> 01:01:30,111 You fellas are the shit, really. Challenge your films like a motherfucker. Am I right? 1035 01:01:30,186 --> 01:01:34,350 - Mm. - [ Leon's Voíce ] He says, "Thanks for your contríbutíon. ' 1036 01:01:34,424 --> 01:01:39,555 [ Díon's Voíce ].James Edmonds, watchín'us down the hall. That shít was spooky, man. 1037 01:01:39,629 --> 01:01:41,995 [ Leon's Voíce ] Líke he's pumpín'us wíth bullets. 1038 01:01:42,065 --> 01:01:45,796 - [ Díon ] Bíg tíme díplomacy. - [ Leon's Voíce ] Antí-Cossack motherfucker. 1039 01:01:45,868 --> 01:01:49,565 Law and order. Law and fucking order. 1040 01:01:51,407 --> 01:01:53,773 Yeah, so we drivin' back to the family... 1041 01:01:53,843 --> 01:01:56,141 shit is pumped up in the back, damn! 1042 01:01:56,212 --> 01:01:58,146 That's right, Peter Piper, motherfucker! 1043 01:01:58,214 --> 01:02:00,478 - Over the hump, know what I'm sayin'? - Like we was bangin'. 1044 01:02:00,550 --> 01:02:03,644 - Yeah, we won that! - That's right! [ Both Scream ] 1045 01:02:03,753 --> 01:02:07,712 As soon as they left the room, I hit the walkie-talkie and put everything into play. 1046 01:02:07,790 --> 01:02:11,624 We were rolling. Helicopters, uniforms, security, DeBecker. 1047 01:02:11,694 --> 01:02:14,185 - Yo-yo-yo, check it out, we won! - We won, that's right. 1048 01:02:14,264 --> 01:02:16,596 - Wake that motherfucker up. - Wake that mo'fucker up! 1049 01:02:16,666 --> 01:02:19,134 - Yo, check this out. We got 'im final cut. - We got 'im final cut. 1050 01:02:19,202 --> 01:02:21,136 - Y'all got 'im final cut? - We got 'im final cut. 1051 01:02:21,204 --> 01:02:25,538 [ Screams ] We got final cut! We got final cut! 1052 01:02:25,608 --> 01:02:27,838 [ Sirens ] 1053 01:02:27,910 --> 01:02:30,504 - [ Tires Squeal ] - [ Políce Radío Chatteríng ] 1054 01:02:32,248 --> 01:02:36,582 - [ Black Voíces ] Play ít, brother man. - Apocalypse Now, motherfucker? 1055 01:02:36,653 --> 01:02:39,144 - You aín't my brother. - [ Together ] Word up, bítch. 1056 01:02:39,222 --> 01:02:41,884 Napalm, napalm, drop a doom ball. 1057 01:02:41,958 --> 01:02:44,688 - What got us ínto that shít, man? - They found Patty Hearst and shít. 1058 01:02:44,761 --> 01:02:48,322 We're making entry into the loft. I repeat, entry into the loft. 1059 01:02:48,398 --> 01:02:50,923 [ Políceman ] Straíght upstaírs. 1060 01:02:55,705 --> 01:02:59,869 [ Díon ] Fíve-oh come up the steps. They got they guns flashín'and shít. 1061 01:02:59,942 --> 01:03:02,069 They lookín'all around for hím. He play ít cool. 1062 01:03:02,145 --> 01:03:07,583 They rushín'here, they rushín' there. They look under thís, they look under that. 1063 01:03:07,650 --> 01:03:10,676 But stíll, we play ít cool. Then suddenly... 1064 01:03:10,753 --> 01:03:16,055 a motherfuckín'Afrícan-Amerícan políce come up to us. You know, bíg fuckín'brother. 1065 01:03:16,125 --> 01:03:20,118 - All right, where the fuck is he? - I am Dion Brothers, mo'fucker. 1066 01:03:20,196 --> 01:03:23,688 And I am Leon Brothers, and you lookin' at a rich motherfucker. 1067 01:03:23,766 --> 01:03:28,260 I got mad lawyers, so you better back the fuck up, you fuckin' beat-walkin' bitch. 1068 01:03:28,338 --> 01:03:33,401 I know who you are. I saw. I saw You Aín't No Brother. 1069 01:03:33,476 --> 01:03:35,410 I saw Word Up, Bítch. 1070 01:03:35,478 --> 01:03:38,447 Yo, man, what you need to do is kiss my black ass. 1071 01:03:38,514 --> 01:03:42,575 You kill cops in those movies. Those movies sucked. 1072 01:03:42,652 --> 01:03:45,678 Kiss my motherfuckin' ass! 1073 01:03:45,755 --> 01:03:49,816 - Oh, y'all some bad motherfuckers? - Man, straight up, man? 1074 01:03:49,892 --> 01:03:55,592 What you need to do is get the fuck up out of my house, get your big ass out. 1075 01:03:55,665 --> 01:03:58,930 - Hell, yeah, we gonna make the Rodney King incident look like-- - Look like Disney did it. 1076 01:03:59,001 --> 01:04:02,198 - Disney? - Yeah, Disney, bitch. 1077 01:04:03,573 --> 01:04:06,064 Aín't No Brother wasn't bad, okay? 1078 01:04:06,142 --> 01:04:08,007 But Word Up, Bítch sucked. 1079 01:04:08,077 --> 01:04:11,240 Y'all gettin' a little slick. You think you're big time now, but okay-- 1080 01:04:11,314 --> 01:04:14,215 I'm outta here right now, motherfuckers. 1081 01:04:14,283 --> 01:04:16,751 And you can kiss my ass! 1082 01:04:16,819 --> 01:04:18,753 Let's go! We're outta here. 1083 01:04:18,821 --> 01:04:21,289 Get your broke ass out there. 1084 01:04:21,357 --> 01:04:25,020 And by then, he knew that Smithee wasn't there. 1085 01:04:25,094 --> 01:04:28,257 I jumped out the bedroom window, you see? 1086 01:04:28,331 --> 01:04:30,265 I had the film cans in me hand, and I had my stick... 1087 01:04:30,333 --> 01:04:32,460 and I ran down the back stairs and out through the yard... 1088 01:04:32,535 --> 01:04:36,130 and I came out the bushes, well, about a block away... 1089 01:04:36,205 --> 01:04:39,038 and I saw my Range Rover parked there. 1090 01:04:39,108 --> 01:04:43,704 We'd had to park it further away the night before 'cause all the spaces were taken. 1091 01:04:43,780 --> 01:04:48,012 Parkin' in South Central's worse than what it is in Westwood. 1092 01:04:51,154 --> 01:04:53,088 We lost him. 1093 01:04:54,724 --> 01:04:58,387 Lemme tell ya something about the L.A.P.D.-- 1094 01:04:58,461 --> 01:05:02,522 Ah, forget it. I've got some good friends on the L.A.P.D. 1095 01:05:05,435 --> 01:05:08,927 - #[ Afrícan Musíc ] - I was back on the freeway again. 1096 01:05:09,005 --> 01:05:13,374 I know the 405 like I once knew me own garden. 1097 01:05:13,443 --> 01:05:17,402 I miss my garden very, very much. 1098 01:05:17,480 --> 01:05:19,641 Thinkin' of my garden... 1099 01:05:19,715 --> 01:05:22,878 made me think about my life. 1100 01:05:22,952 --> 01:05:25,443 Thinkin' about my life... 1101 01:05:25,521 --> 01:05:28,354 made me think about the La Brea Tar Pits. 1102 01:05:30,827 --> 01:05:33,159 [ Smíthee ] Don't know why. 1103 01:05:33,229 --> 01:05:35,561 You'd have thought they'd have staked out the tar pits. 1104 01:05:35,631 --> 01:05:39,032 We díd stake out the tar pits for the first 2 4 hours. 1105 01:05:39,101 --> 01:05:41,035 When there was no activity, those shmucks... 1106 01:05:41,103 --> 01:05:43,503 in business affairs didn't approve the overtime. 1107 01:05:44,941 --> 01:05:48,172 I drove down to the tar pits. 1108 01:05:48,244 --> 01:05:50,735 Parked in the lot. 1109 01:05:50,813 --> 01:05:53,543 I sat there. 1110 01:05:53,616 --> 01:05:56,244 I opened the cans... 1111 01:05:56,319 --> 01:05:59,686 and I sprinkled the lighter fluid I bought at Ralphs. 1112 01:06:01,757 --> 01:06:04,419 I looked at the film. 1113 01:06:04,494 --> 01:06:07,486 I could see myself in it. 1114 01:06:08,598 --> 01:06:11,567 - I struck the match... - [ Match Stríkíng ] 1115 01:06:13,135 --> 01:06:15,365 - I dropped it into the film. - [ Flames Whooshing ] 1116 01:06:15,438 --> 01:06:17,372 [ Tarzan Yellíng ] 1117 01:06:19,342 --> 01:06:21,276 #["Woody Woodpecker' Theme ] 1118 01:06:23,646 --> 01:06:25,580 [ Woody Woodpecker ] Guess who? 1119 01:06:25,648 --> 01:06:27,946 He was worse than the Unabomber... 1120 01:06:28,017 --> 01:06:31,919 Roberto Alomar and Bob Dole combined. 1121 01:06:31,988 --> 01:06:35,549 He was Bogdanovich and Cimino. 1122 01:06:35,625 --> 01:06:37,650 He was Cliff Robertson and Mark Fuhrman. 1123 01:06:37,727 --> 01:06:40,025 He was half Cossack. 1124 01:06:40,096 --> 01:06:42,121 He was damn near black. 1125 01:06:42,198 --> 01:06:46,259 - He was O.J. - He was torn. 1126 01:06:46,335 --> 01:06:48,860 He even thought about giving himself up. 1127 01:06:48,938 --> 01:06:51,873 #[ Movíe Fanfare ] 1128 01:07:02,184 --> 01:07:05,347 By then, it was all over the television. 1129 01:07:07,356 --> 01:07:10,120 Believe me, I had never thought... 1130 01:07:10,192 --> 01:07:13,923 of getting involved in another high-profile case again. 1131 01:07:13,996 --> 01:07:17,022 Wh-Wh-What did I do when I heard he burned the film? 1132 01:07:17,099 --> 01:07:19,499 I came down here to the beach. 1133 01:07:19,569 --> 01:07:23,562 I sat down on this ro-- It was the best picture I had ever produced. 1134 01:07:23,639 --> 01:07:27,097 It would have been one of the biggest films in-- in movie history. 1135 01:07:27,176 --> 01:07:30,304 It's impossible to express to you... 1136 01:07:30,379 --> 01:07:33,542 how I felt. Impossible. 1137 01:07:33,616 --> 01:07:37,677 I heard James talking toJerry Glover on the phone. 1138 01:07:37,753 --> 01:07:40,051 He said, ""We can spin this,Jerry. 1139 01:07:40,122 --> 01:07:42,249 ""It's better than if it would have been released. 1140 01:07:42,325 --> 01:07:44,919 ""Fuck the studio. We can promote this... 1141 01:07:44,994 --> 01:07:48,361 into the biggest success you and I will ever have.'' 1142 01:07:54,537 --> 01:07:57,472 [ Crowd Chatteríng ] 1143 01:07:57,540 --> 01:08:00,202 Smithee was grief-stricken when I saw him. 1144 01:08:00,276 --> 01:08:03,871 Nearly comatose. He told me everything. 1145 01:08:03,946 --> 01:08:08,212 How he had been abused on the set. Manhandled. 1146 01:08:08,284 --> 01:08:10,309 - How Edmonds had threatened to kill him. - [ Spectators ] Bob.! Bob.! 1147 01:08:10,386 --> 01:08:13,947 How the studio had threatened to ruin his career. 1148 01:08:14,023 --> 01:08:17,925 How his movie had been completely re-cut after he... 1149 01:08:17,994 --> 01:08:20,758 being one of the greatest editors in the world, had cut it. 1150 01:08:20,830 --> 01:08:24,231 - [ Man ] Yo, Bob.! - I completely understood. 1151 01:08:24,300 --> 01:08:28,828 Alan Smithee was a man who h-- was willing to make the ultimate decision: 1152 01:08:28,904 --> 01:08:31,099 [ Man ] Yo, Bob.! You know he díd ít.! 1153 01:08:31,173 --> 01:08:34,267 He saved what he had not been allowed to create. 1154 01:08:34,343 --> 01:08:38,279 He had to save himself by killing it. He was a hero. 1155 01:08:38,347 --> 01:08:41,783 You-You-You burned your own film. 1156 01:08:41,851 --> 01:08:45,412 I-It was my child, but it wasn't my child. 1157 01:08:45,488 --> 01:08:48,924 You have the right, the right to kill a child, even if it isn't your child? 1158 01:08:48,991 --> 01:08:51,551 - #[ Tríbal Chantíng ] - No. 1159 01:08:51,627 --> 01:08:55,427 - But you did. - But you see, I didn't kill it. 1160 01:08:55,498 --> 01:08:58,399 You didn't. What did you do? 1161 01:08:58,467 --> 01:09:02,164 I brought it back to life. 1162 01:09:02,238 --> 01:09:04,706 They killed it. I ended its suffering. 1163 01:09:04,774 --> 01:09:07,971 I-I ended the suffering of others who would have had to watch it. 1164 01:09:08,044 --> 01:09:11,741 This was then a, uh, humanitarian gesture? 1165 01:09:13,816 --> 01:09:15,750 Please God it was. 1166 01:09:17,019 --> 01:09:19,214 I tried to sign him back after the King show... 1167 01:09:19,288 --> 01:09:21,984 but, uh, he wouldn't take my calls. 1168 01:09:22,058 --> 01:09:24,049 He was on the cover of Slíme and Newsleak... 1169 01:09:24,126 --> 01:09:26,526 he was ABC's Person of the Week-- 1170 01:09:26,595 --> 01:09:30,122 You win some, you lose some. Ah, what the hell. 1171 01:09:30,199 --> 01:09:33,999 I'm close to signing Stallone. We think he's comin' back. 1172 01:09:34,070 --> 01:09:38,439 I had a great idea, but Tokyo overruled me. 1173 01:09:38,507 --> 01:09:41,135 So we didn't have the movie. So what? 1174 01:09:41,210 --> 01:09:44,771 We had the trailer. We had a 30-second trailer! 1175 01:09:44,847 --> 01:09:49,341 I was gonna open the trailer in the theaters, charge the usual ticket! 1176 01:09:49,418 --> 01:09:53,718 Doesn't matter how long it takes you to come, it's how much you tingle. 1177 01:09:53,789 --> 01:09:56,587 Tokyo. [ Sighs ] It's conservative. 1178 01:09:56,659 --> 01:10:01,426 I worked out a deal for him with the studio and the D.A.'s office. 1179 01:10:01,497 --> 01:10:05,024 Garcetti didn't want to prosecute this one anyway. 1180 01:10:05,101 --> 01:10:09,333 - Hi. - There were Alan Smithee fan clubs forming across the country. 1181 01:10:09,405 --> 01:10:11,339 - On every campus. - Hi, Bob. 1182 01:10:11,407 --> 01:10:14,035 How are you? He agreed to put Smithee into a psychiatric... 1183 01:10:14,110 --> 01:10:16,544 clinic in England. Good evening, Victor. 1184 01:10:16,612 --> 01:10:21,606 A psychiatric clinic? A deal? No trial? 1185 01:10:22,885 --> 01:10:26,286 There wasn't gonna be a trial? 1186 01:10:26,355 --> 01:10:31,156 Shapiro, Garcetti, assholes. 1187 01:10:31,227 --> 01:10:35,129 First O.J., then this sequel. 1188 01:10:35,197 --> 01:10:38,598 Oh, forget it. Just forget it. 1189 01:10:40,569 --> 01:10:42,969 I wanted a trial! 1190 01:10:43,038 --> 01:10:48,840 - #Love the seamy, seamy Seamíer síde of L.A. - Oh! Never fails. 1191 01:10:48,911 --> 01:10:51,971 - #It's very dreamy, dreamy - When your back's against the wall... 1192 01:10:52,047 --> 01:10:56,677 you do the unexpected. I'm gonna put these big boys right on their ass. 1193 01:10:56,752 --> 01:10:59,619 I'm gonna tell the life story of Alan Smithee. 1194 01:10:59,688 --> 01:11:01,781 Call it Passíon. 1195 01:11:01,857 --> 01:11:05,520 The trials and tribulations of taking on everybody to... 1196 01:11:05,594 --> 01:11:08,688 to make Trío, but it's gonna be better than Trío. 1197 01:11:08,764 --> 01:11:11,426 I'm gonna make this guy the, uh... 1198 01:11:11,500 --> 01:11:14,492 Mr. Smíth Goes to Washíngton of the nineties. 1199 01:11:14,570 --> 01:11:16,561 Make this putz a hero. 1200 01:11:16,639 --> 01:11:19,369 But it's gonna work. You know, I've come up with worse ideas... 1201 01:11:19,441 --> 01:11:21,500 and I've copped a few Oscars from 'em. 1202 01:11:21,577 --> 01:11:23,568 But this was gonna be a surprise. 1203 01:11:23,646 --> 01:11:26,479 - Hey, kid, how are ya? - Hi, Daddy. 1204 01:11:26,549 --> 01:11:28,847 - Huh, you dig this guy, don't ya? - [ Chuckles ] Mm. 1205 01:11:28,918 --> 01:11:30,886 [ Both Laughing ] 1206 01:11:30,953 --> 01:11:33,353 - Oh, boy, she's perfect. - [ Sighs ] 1207 01:11:33,422 --> 01:11:36,880 This poor guy. She's gonna clean his clock... 1208 01:11:36,959 --> 01:11:39,189 or they won't know what happened to him. Aren't you? 1209 01:11:39,261 --> 01:11:42,594 - Aren't ya? Come on! - [ Laughing ] 1210 01:11:44,099 --> 01:11:46,192 When James came to me and said... 1211 01:11:46,268 --> 01:11:49,897 he wanted to bid for the rights to Alan Smithee's life story... 1212 01:11:49,972 --> 01:11:53,408 I thought-- I don't even want to tell you what I thought. 1213 01:11:53,475 --> 01:11:56,501 I do. The whole world was talkín'about hím. 1214 01:11:56,579 --> 01:12:00,572 Alan Smithee was a gold mine. If there's one thing I have learned in this business... 1215 01:12:00,649 --> 01:12:05,086 it's stay on your feet. I've got my pride. I'm not gonna get outbid by Robert Evans. 1216 01:12:05,154 --> 01:12:10,387 Trío was foreplay. Smithee's life: intercourse. 1217 01:12:11,660 --> 01:12:13,594 - #["Rock-a-Bye Baby'] - Myrna come to me... 1218 01:12:13,662 --> 01:12:16,563 in here, and said they wanted to buy the rights to me. 1219 01:12:16,632 --> 01:12:21,194 I said, ""Who?'' She said, ""Robert Evans.'' 1220 01:12:21,270 --> 01:12:25,707 She said, [ Voice Slowing Down ] ""James... Edmonds.'' 1221 01:12:25,774 --> 01:12:28,504 - [ Thumps, Musíc Stops ] - Mr. Smithee! - Bloody lunatic! 1222 01:12:28,577 --> 01:12:31,045 - [ Reporters Chattering ] - [ Myrna ] Alan collapsed. 1223 01:12:31,113 --> 01:12:33,047 We had to take hím to hospítal. 1224 01:12:33,115 --> 01:12:37,051 And they saíd that he'd suffered one of those slíght heart attacks. 1225 01:12:37,119 --> 01:12:39,485 Oh, nothing serious. Just one of those teeny ones. 1226 01:12:39,555 --> 01:12:42,490 You know, cut down on cholesterol, avoid stress. 1227 01:12:42,558 --> 01:12:45,550 Eat oatmeal. Or don't eat oatmeal. 1228 01:12:45,628 --> 01:12:48,119 Whichever it is. 1229 01:12:48,197 --> 01:12:50,859 [ Hospítal Intercom ] Pagíng Dr. Ovítz. Pagíng Dr. Ovítz. 1230 01:12:50,933 --> 01:12:53,663 - [ Beeping, Breathing ] - We have to make the decision today, Alan. 1231 01:12:53,736 --> 01:12:58,639 James Edmonds is making a hard offer: $5 million. 1232 01:12:58,707 --> 01:13:02,438 Robert Evans ís offeríng a soft three. 1233 01:13:02,511 --> 01:13:04,638 Alan? 1234 01:13:04,713 --> 01:13:07,079 You gotta think about me and the boys for once in your life, Alan. 1235 01:13:07,149 --> 01:13:09,583 - Do you hear me? - [ Intercom ] Dr. Ovítz, where are you? 1236 01:13:09,652 --> 01:13:14,146 No one will ever allow you to direct again, Alan. 1237 01:13:14,223 --> 01:13:17,454 - [ Faster Beepíng ] - No one. Never. 1238 01:13:17,526 --> 01:13:21,155 - [ Beeping Even Faster] - You're finished, Alan! 1239 01:13:21,230 --> 01:13:24,825 - [ Alarm Sounds ] - [ Myrna ] No more money.! 1240 01:13:24,900 --> 01:13:28,893 - Yo, he call from the hospital, man. - That's right, he want us to direct his life. 1241 01:13:28,971 --> 01:13:33,169 - Yo, we down widdat shit, man! Go down. - That's right. Deal closed, baby. 1242 01:13:33,242 --> 01:13:38,145 Smithee's wife called to tie up the deal. She was his agent now. 1243 01:13:38,213 --> 01:13:40,204 She said Smithee was insisting that... 1244 01:13:40,282 --> 01:13:42,910 the Brothers Brothers direct the story of his life. 1245 01:13:42,985 --> 01:13:46,216 Well, that's fine with me. I've always wanted to work with the Brothers Brothers. 1246 01:13:46,288 --> 01:13:48,415 - #[ Rap Musíc ] - [ Bell Ríngíng ] 1247 01:13:48,490 --> 01:13:53,427 - [ Chattering ] - Uh-- hey, dudes. You wanna go hang out in South Central? 1248 01:13:53,495 --> 01:13:56,464 Yeah, I hear you. But not this time, bud. You know why? 1249 01:13:56,532 --> 01:13:59,194 - 'Cause I called James Edmonds. - Right, and I called Jerry Glover. 1250 01:13:59,268 --> 01:14:03,967 [ Together] And we say, ""We direct the movie if we get final cut.'' 1251 01:14:04,039 --> 01:14:08,066 - I said, ""No way.'' - I said, ""I've got final cut.'' 1252 01:14:08,143 --> 01:14:10,475 Yo, I told 'em they could kiss my black ass. 1253 01:14:10,546 --> 01:14:14,038 Yeah, and I told 'em they could kiss my black ass too. 1254 01:14:14,116 --> 01:14:17,108 The Brothers Brothers? [ Chuckles ] I'd be happy... 1255 01:14:17,186 --> 01:14:19,450 to give them final cut anytime they want. 1256 01:14:19,521 --> 01:14:22,581 I told Jerry not to worry about Evans. Forget about him. 1257 01:14:22,658 --> 01:14:25,525 He should have left me out of his book. He hasn't got $3 million. 1258 01:14:25,594 --> 01:14:28,085 He hasn't got $1 million. He's bluffing. 1259 01:14:28,163 --> 01:14:32,862 These west coast guys, they got no moxie. 1260 01:14:32,935 --> 01:14:35,733 Edmonds should know better. 1261 01:14:35,804 --> 01:14:39,900 I don't bluff. I never bluff. 1262 01:14:41,810 --> 01:14:44,005 I didn't have a choice. [ Inhales Deeply ] 1263 01:14:44,079 --> 01:14:46,775 I couldn't take the chance that Evans was bluffing. 1264 01:14:46,849 --> 01:14:52,048 Tokyo wanted this--James was gonna have to give up final cut. 1265 01:14:52,121 --> 01:14:54,351 The Brothers Brothers would have it. 1266 01:14:54,423 --> 01:14:59,292 Anything! Anything he wanted to direct, I would produce. 1267 01:14:59,361 --> 01:15:01,693 I believe in closure, I be-- I believe in healing. 1268 01:15:01,764 --> 01:15:05,427 And I'll tell you something else. I'd give him final cut. 1269 01:15:06,935 --> 01:15:08,869 Cool! 1270 01:15:08,937 --> 01:15:12,668 If Alan Smithee wanted to direct another film himself sometime... 1271 01:15:12,741 --> 01:15:15,073 I would hire him in a heartbeat. 1272 01:15:15,144 --> 01:15:17,078 He has demonstrated his integrity... 1273 01:15:17,146 --> 01:15:20,172 and the possessory credit on the movie, ""An Alan Smithee Film,'' 1274 01:15:20,249 --> 01:15:23,309 would mean more now than Tom Cruise orJim Carrey. 1275 01:15:23,385 --> 01:15:27,719 Alan Smithee has redeemed Alan Smithee. 1276 01:15:27,790 --> 01:15:31,248 I'd thought I call our new movie Duo, actually,James. 1277 01:15:31,326 --> 01:15:33,260 No, no, I don't like Solo. 1278 01:15:33,328 --> 01:15:35,626 No, no, Duo is much better. 1279 01:15:35,697 --> 01:15:39,064 No, I'm afraid I don't like Spago, either. 1280 01:15:39,134 --> 01:15:43,070 That's all right,James. I like suggestions. 1281 01:15:43,138 --> 01:15:45,265 Can we help you with your movie, Alan? 1282 01:15:45,340 --> 01:15:47,433 We could be mates. 1283 01:15:47,509 --> 01:15:50,000 - Would you like to be assistant directors? - Absolutely! 1284 01:15:50,079 --> 01:15:52,013 God, yes! 1285 01:15:55,117 --> 01:15:59,577 Oh, darling! [ Blows A Kiss ] 1286 01:16:02,257 --> 01:16:04,191 [ Sighs ] Oh! 1287 01:16:06,528 --> 01:16:08,553 [ Yells Like Tarzan ] 1288 01:16:08,630 --> 01:16:12,691 - #[ Lounge Musíc ] - I could play Alan Smithee. Because I understand oppression. 1289 01:16:12,768 --> 01:16:15,760 'Cause I'm a black woman. I's a black woman in Hollywood! 1290 01:16:15,838 --> 01:16:18,170 I could play Alan Smithee better than anybody! 1291 01:16:18,240 --> 01:16:20,504 Don't play with me. I know what I'm talkin' about. 1292 01:16:20,576 --> 01:16:22,567 Cool! 1293 01:16:22,644 --> 01:16:25,545 Yes. He's an action hero. 1294 01:16:25,614 --> 01:16:28,447 He wins! He's just like me. 1295 01:16:28,517 --> 01:16:32,078 I mean, he killed everybody. 1296 01:16:32,154 --> 01:16:34,714 I kill everybody. So? We are brothers. 1297 01:16:34,790 --> 01:16:38,886 I've always wanted to play a Brit, you know, I wanted to play Albert-- 1298 01:16:38,961 --> 01:16:42,089 - [ Balls Guttering ] - I hate this game. 1299 01:16:42,164 --> 01:16:45,895 I wanted to play Albert Schweitzer, uh... 1300 01:16:45,968 --> 01:16:48,698 and you know, I-I did Jimmy Hoffa once. 1301 01:16:48,770 --> 01:16:52,365 I'd consider Whoopi,Jackie, and Sly for this movie, but, uh... 1302 01:16:52,441 --> 01:16:54,375 I'll tell you what, if they want to play Alan Smithee... 1303 01:16:54,443 --> 01:16:56,707 they're gonna have to compromise on their fees. 1304 01:16:56,778 --> 01:16:59,542 As long as I don't have to swallow. 1305 01:16:59,615 --> 01:17:01,480 Yo! Blow. 1306 01:17:01,550 --> 01:17:05,145 - [ Grunts ] - I'll call my agent. 1307 01:17:05,220 --> 01:17:08,053 I don't need a star for this movie. Alan Smithee is the star. 1308 01:17:08,123 --> 01:17:11,581 - Psh! I'd make it with Eric Idle. - Co-ol. 1309 01:17:11,660 --> 01:17:14,390 #Itsy-bítsy spíder 1310 01:17:14,463 --> 01:17:18,263 # Clímbed up the spout agaín 1311 01:17:18,333 --> 01:17:21,598 #Itsy-bítsy spíder 1312 01:17:21,670 --> 01:17:24,833 - # Clímbed up the spout - [ Clicks ] 1313 01:17:24,907 --> 01:17:28,536 #Agaín 1314 01:17:31,747 --> 01:17:36,207 #Hey,you 1315 01:17:36,285 --> 01:17:40,153 # On the fríendly bayou 1316 01:17:44,026 --> 01:17:46,586 # Where wíldlífe runs free 1317 01:17:48,730 --> 01:17:53,190 # You míght say that I'm country 1318 01:17:53,268 --> 01:17:55,327 It's great! Great! 1319 01:17:55,404 --> 01:17:58,737 - # Well let me tell you what I see - Uh. - [ Dírector ] Cut.! 1320 01:17:58,807 --> 01:18:00,741 - [ Woman ] Cut.! - [ Dírector ] Cut, prínt. 1321 01:18:00,809 --> 01:18:03,642 [ Beeps ] 1322 01:18:03,712 --> 01:18:07,648 # Your world ís plastíc 1323 01:18:07,716 --> 01:18:11,846 # Can you see through to the other síde 1324 01:18:15,624 --> 01:18:18,821 # Your cítíes are made of wood 1325 01:18:21,063 --> 01:18:25,124 Why would you want me to direct it? 1326 01:18:25,200 --> 01:18:28,658 - Arthur, you're the former president of the Director's Guild, - Yeah. 1327 01:18:28,737 --> 01:18:33,504 and this movie sticks up for directors. It really does. 1328 01:18:33,575 --> 01:18:37,568 The last thing any director needs is you... 1329 01:18:37,646 --> 01:18:40,638 - of all people, to stick up for us. - [ Laughing ] 1330 01:18:40,716 --> 01:18:43,947 - He ankled this gig. - [ Dírector ] Make ít even stronger. 1331 01:18:44,019 --> 01:18:47,853 He ankled this gig. He ankled this gig. 1332 01:18:51,760 --> 01:18:54,786 #My patíence growín'thín 1333 01:18:59,001 --> 01:19:06,203 # Wíth thís synthetíc world We're lívín'ín 1334 01:19:06,275 --> 01:19:10,974 OrenthalJames Simpson did not fire me. I quit. 1335 01:19:11,046 --> 01:19:15,710 I had... reasons. 1336 01:19:15,784 --> 01:19:17,911 - [ Dírector ] Cut. - I stunk. [ Laughing ] 1337 01:19:35,337 --> 01:19:39,933 [ Laughs ] I also knew that I'd be very rich. 1338 01:19:40,008 --> 01:19:42,738 - [ Dírector, Indístínct ] - Well-- 1339 01:19:42,811 --> 01:19:44,972 - [ Dírector ] You were a líttle too slow. - Yeah, okay. 1340 01:19:45,047 --> 01:19:48,608 Little chipper, chipper. Okay, here we go, here we go. We're gonna be okay. Chipper. 1341 01:19:48,684 --> 01:19:51,278 - [ Dírector ] I won't ask you. - [ Camera ] - Okay. - Stíll rollíng. 1342 01:19:51,353 --> 01:19:56,086 I focus on James Edmonds. I focus hard enough, they might let me play him. 1343 01:19:56,158 --> 01:20:01,255 You know what I mean? Think I'd make a hell of an Edmonds, don't you? 1344 01:20:01,330 --> 01:20:04,788 #My patíence growín'thín 1345 01:20:08,203 --> 01:20:13,607 # Wíth thís synthetíc world 1346 01:20:13,675 --> 01:20:16,303 # We're lívín'ín 1347 01:20:19,548 --> 01:20:22,449 - I don't think you are quite ready for that, my love. - [ Laughing ] 1348 01:20:22,517 --> 01:20:26,851 [ Laughing ] Oh, no, you'll do yourself an injury. 1349 01:20:26,922 --> 01:20:30,619 #Every day Now I find I'm out of place 1350 01:20:30,692 --> 01:20:33,855 #If I only have one face 1351 01:20:33,929 --> 01:20:36,921 #All my fríends have more than two 1352 01:20:36,998 --> 01:20:40,058 #No longer must you be you 1353 01:20:40,135 --> 01:20:44,196 #If they found out How to transplant 1354 01:20:44,272 --> 01:20:47,366 And I respected him for respecting that. 1355 01:20:47,442 --> 01:20:50,605 [ Dírector ] just once more, and don't-don't run the last líne so tíght ín. 1356 01:20:50,679 --> 01:20:54,672 - Okay. - [ Dírector ] Stand by... and actíon.! 1357 01:20:58,987 --> 01:21:01,785 # The word ímítatíon ís way across the natíon 1358 01:21:01,857 --> 01:21:05,224 # What's real has become a freak 1359 01:21:05,293 --> 01:21:09,354 #Someone tryín' to make me weep 1360 01:21:12,100 --> 01:21:14,193 - #Strange ínítíals that keep me blínd - Excuse me. 1361 01:21:14,269 --> 01:21:17,329 #Psychedelíc musíc that blow my mínd 1362 01:21:17,406 --> 01:21:19,374 #So you see 1363 01:21:22,277 --> 01:21:25,508 #My patíence growín'thín 1364 01:21:29,751 --> 01:21:35,712 # Wíth thís synthetíc world 1365 01:21:35,791 --> 01:21:39,727 - # We're lívín'ín - Yes. We are brothers. [ Laughter] 1366 01:21:39,795 --> 01:21:43,196 - [ Dírector ] Here we go. - We are concentrating. Wait, wait. 1367 01:21:43,265 --> 01:21:45,199 - Yes. He's an action hero. - [ Dírector ] I'm sorry. 1368 01:21:45,267 --> 01:21:47,827 How are the shirts selling, those shirts-- the ones that I painted? 1369 01:21:47,903 --> 01:21:49,837 - They all right? - [ Man ] Goíng well. 1370 01:21:49,905 --> 01:21:51,873 Really? All right, 'cause I'm waiting for the posters. 1371 01:21:51,940 --> 01:21:53,874 Especially I want the baby size. 1372 01:21:53,942 --> 01:21:56,706 # Only have one face All my fríends 1373 01:21:56,778 --> 01:22:01,715 #Have more than two No longer must you be you 1374 01:22:01,783 --> 01:22:04,809 #If they found out How to transplant 1375 01:22:04,886 --> 01:22:07,514 #Maybe haves would replace can'ts 1376 01:22:07,589 --> 01:22:11,218 #So you see 1377 01:22:11,293 --> 01:22:14,854 He'd focus on the sex. 1378 01:22:14,930 --> 01:22:17,057 Get off me! 1379 01:22:19,534 --> 01:22:21,934 - [ Dírector ] Cut. Prínt. - Did I do it-- Did I do it too hard? 1380 01:22:22,003 --> 01:22:23,937 - [ Beeping ] - No, it's fine. 1381 01:22:24,005 --> 01:22:27,463 You know, there's a movie here. But you gotta do it classy. 1382 01:22:27,542 --> 01:22:30,773 Jane fuckin' Austen, David fuckin' Lean-- Disney! 1383 01:22:30,846 --> 01:22:34,043 Oh, the public always thinks it has something to do with sex anyway. 1384 01:22:34,115 --> 01:22:36,049 Let 'em eat their popcorn. 1385 01:22:36,117 --> 01:22:39,416 # What's real has become a freak 1386 01:22:39,488 --> 01:22:44,118 #Someone tryín'to make me weep 1387 01:22:45,760 --> 01:22:48,752 #Strange ínítíals that keep me blínd 1388 01:22:48,830 --> 01:22:51,390 #Psychedelíc musíc that blows my mínd 1389 01:22:51,466 --> 01:22:53,400 #So you see 1390 01:22:53,468 --> 01:22:56,130 We had TAAjust shitting in their boots. I can't tell ya how good that felt... 1391 01:22:56,204 --> 01:23:00,334 after all these years: TAA doing the boot-shitting. 1392 01:23:00,408 --> 01:23:04,640 Logic is what makes a good thriller. DePalma taught me that. 1393 01:23:04,713 --> 01:23:09,980 He knows. Did you see Míssíon Impossíble? Great logic! 1394 01:23:10,051 --> 01:23:11,985 # We're lívín'ín 1395 01:23:17,092 --> 01:23:20,220 #Pretty clearly now And ít's clearly spríng 1396 01:23:20,295 --> 01:23:22,991 #Makín'people díe every day 1397 01:23:23,064 --> 01:23:27,330 #Now I find I'm out of place 1398 01:23:27,402 --> 01:23:31,862 Smithee goes back to the-- lab-- [ Laughs ] 1399 01:23:31,940 --> 01:23:34,204 [ Dírector ] Go agaín. 1400 01:23:34,276 --> 01:23:37,905 And y'all go and distribute it. 1401 01:23:37,979 --> 01:23:40,709 - [ Laughs ] - Oh, fuck. 1402 01:23:40,782 --> 01:23:45,048 Otherwise... [ Snaps Fingers ] it burns. 1403 01:23:45,120 --> 01:23:48,055 - [ Edmonds ] Okay, that's ít. That's ít. - [ Gun Pops ] 1404 01:23:48,123 --> 01:23:52,025 - [ Both Laugh ] - [ Dírector ] Cut. 1405 01:24:09,444 --> 01:24:13,904 Comedy is my life. That's why I'm fucking starving! 1406 01:24:31,333 --> 01:24:33,324 - [ Dírector ] Actíon.! - Are you talking to her? 1407 01:24:33,401 --> 01:24:37,098 [ Dírector ] Okay, here we go. All ríght, stand by-- 1408 01:24:37,172 --> 01:24:39,163 - [ Dírector ] Stand by, Ray. - Ow! Okay. 1409 01:24:56,591 --> 01:24:59,958 - [ Together] They can kiss our black ass! - And you can-- 1410 01:25:06,601 --> 01:25:09,365 #So you see 1411 01:25:11,439 --> 01:25:14,772 #My patíence growín'thín 1412 01:25:18,880 --> 01:25:23,340 # Wíth thís synthetíc world Synthetíc world 1413 01:25:23,418 --> 01:25:26,251 #Synthetíc world Synthetíc world 1414 01:25:26,321 --> 01:25:28,255 #Synthetíc world 1415 01:25:28,323 --> 01:25:33,056 #Synthetíc world Synthetíc world we líve ín